so..do you want a bird? or a non-bird? (cardinals vs steelers)

i found a discarded metro on the R5 train and i picked it up.... and this cracked me up:

No Home Team To Root For? Try This....

:: Why you should root for the steelers
1. Obama picked them and he's apparently right all the time.
2. Tomlin looks like Omar Epps, and everyone loves that guy.
3. By default. You didn't even know Arizona still had a team.

:: Why you should root for the Cardinals
1. They are trying to end a 61-year title drought.
2. Sick of the weather? An Arizona victory parade sounds nice.
3. Kurt Warner's got Jesus on his side. Shouldn't you?

i'm still sad that my eagles lost to arizona....it would have been fun if both PA football team would be in the superbowl and it would be more fun if eagles won so that would be double victory for philly (phillies and eagles)...... but oh well... it is what it is....

it's superbowl this sunday and i'll prolly be at douglasville at my friend's house to watch it...paging arvs, lol..

p.s.
go steelers!

an open letter: suck it up!

email ko 'to sa friend ko..... pero habang binabasa ko sya parang letter ko sya para sa sarili ko......


*big hug*

hayy friendA.... hirap talaga maging adult no?

sana batang paslit na lang tayo forever na ang problema lang e pano mangungupit ng pagkain, lol.... o pano manghihingi ng pera sa nanay at tatay......

pero ano pa ba magagawa natin...... anjan na yan.... pag nasa babang-baba ka na there's no way to go but up...... when your back is against the wall theres nothing else to do but step forward......

kaya natin to...... ang dami na nating napagdaanang mga problema sa buhay im sure makakayanan natin to ulit...... ayokong tanungin ka kung ano na ung details nang nangyayari sa yo (sabihin mo lang sa kin pag ready ka na) pero we can't correct our mistakes by another mistake so make the best out of the bad situation na lang....

hahahaha....alam ko madaling sabihin pero mahirap gawin..... ako din may mga regrets sa buhay..... like, napapaisip din ako minsan kung tama ba naging desisyon ko sa pagpunta dito sa US...... kasi imbis na mapaganda buhay ko parang lalong gumulo.....ewan ko ba..... nakakabayad nga ako ng utang ko pero parang ang kapalit naman sobrang stress at depression (plus mga kung ano-anong bagay/tao na nawala at kinuha sa kin)........ naiisip ko tuloy kung worth it ba tong decision na ginawa ko...... kaso lang andito na 'to, andito na ako.... ..... sabi nga e "suck it up"..... lunukin na lang sabay talon para masaya! lol........

may nabasa ako, sabi, pag ang isang tao daw hindi na alam kung ano gagawin nya given a situation dun lumalabas ang totoong character nya, ang totoong ugali...... sa palagay mo sa yo, ano ang lalabas na totoong ugali mo? hopefully positive........ kaya basta bago ka gumawa ng kahit ano pag-isipan ng 100x....... tsaka minsan ang nagiging solusyon lang sa problema communication..... kaya un ang unang-una mong gawin..... sabihin nasa loob mo..... wala tayong ESP, sila rin wala....so hindi nila malalaman anong nasa isip mo kung di ka magsasalita.........


take it easy..... minsan naman naso-solve mag-isa ang problema...... alam ko yung feeling pag involve ang ??????????????..... pero minsan kelangan talaga mag-let go na lang...... kung kaya mo silang kausapin kausapin mo..... pag ayaw makinig sa yo atleast you did your part....... pag ganun, there's nothing left to do but to respect their decisions..... mahirap maintindihan kasi wala tayo sa "shoes" nila...... pero let's hope and pray na maging ok pa rin ang lahat......


tsaka pala..... eto corny pero sasabihin ko na rin...... effective pa rin ang dasal.....

kaya mo yan friendA!

*big big big hug*

what i write or don't write is nobody's business..

i'm rediscovering the fun of writing to old-fashioned diaries (read: using a pen and a notebook)....

i learned to write on diaries when a friend of mine in 1st year highschool gave me one as a birthday present.... i was writing on diaries until i discovered xanga.com in 2001....

yep, ayeen is starting to write on diaries again.... because there are just some thoughts that i would rather keep to myself...... yeah, yeah, i can always make my entries private so no one else can see it but it's just different..... writing using a pen feels more intimate more personal than typing on a keyboard..... it's like every stroke of my pen, every loops and lines and dots and strike throughs represents all the exact thoughts, exact emotions i'm feeling at that time....

that's another thing, the "strike-throughs" also tells something.... it represents the first thing that came to my mind but decided the words aren't that appropriate, or it may represent something that i wasn't meaning to write but that's the thing that my pen ended up writing, which would show me that i got distracted at that moment and had written something i didn't mean to write..... things like that...... but when you type your thoughts you can always hit the delete button....or the back space... or the ctrl Z and all the "raw" thoughts disappear......

writing on physical diary is a whole new different world..... no one will misinterpret your entries...... no one will over analyze what your entries means...... no one will condemn you of writing something just because you want the sympathy from other people...... or that you are just boasting...... or you just want attention....... people will have different interpretations based on how much they know about you...... and most often than not, the way they interpret my blogs are just far fetched..... reader A would interpret my blog different from reader B because reader A knows about my drama 1.0 but not drama 2.0 and reader B knows drama 2.0 but not drama 1.0. and neither of them knows about drama 3.0 and 4.0 and 5.0 and for all we know i might be talking about drama 3.0 or drama 4.0 or drama 5.0..... you know what i'm saying?

i write to express my thoughts, my feelings..... this is my therapy...... what i write or don't write is nobody's business...... you are entitled to your own opinion the same way that i am.... and i humbly suggest that you read my blogs with a pinch of salt..... it would be nice too if you give me the benefit of the doubt because there are a lot of things that i don't share in my blog (simply because i'm not comfortable to share them) and interpreting my blogs and jumping to conclusions based on the 10% you know about me is really not the way to go....

happy reading...

things i have learned (and believed in) so far...

in no particular order..

1. people will believe what they chose to believe... no proper logic nor correct reasoning can alter what they have conditioned their mind to believe in

2. never "back-stab" people... because that's what the cowards do.... because that's what people who want "an easy way out" do....

3. love is not blind, it is stupid...when one is in love all proper reasoning just flies out the window...

4. you have the right to get mad but don't let it eat you...

5. don't wear your heart on your sleeves they would take advantage of you

6. it's important to know when to fight and to know when to stop and let karma take over

7. in an argument, the one who is level headed wins

8. the fewer words the more the message would sink in

9. "woosah" helps

10. giving people the benefit of the doubt works wonders

11. people have different levels of sensitivity; don't feel superior just because you have much higher level of tolerance

12. we all have different upbringing, we all have different experiences, principles, ideals, priorities, moral values, etc that is why when given a bad situation i shouldn't expect them to behave and react the same way i would... some just cracks under pressure... we all have our weaknesses.... plus the timing of the situation also plays an important role

13. it is true that love of money is the root of all kinds of evil

14. in an argument the losing party would oftentime resort to ad hominem...

15. pride, most often than not, won't take you anywhere... it would just hurt you...

16. everyone has their own "topak" moments so try to be understanding.... you get into their nerves too when you have your "topak" moment.... (topak: not in the mood, irritable, mood swings)

17. stay away from paranoid and insecure people... they're energy leeches...

18. some people expects me to have ESP... i need to remind them that i don't have ESP that i can't read minds and that they really need to learn how to "communicate"....

19. an angry person = clouded reasoning...wait for them to calm down...

20. your friends can either make or break you... if they did the latter, charge it to experience, move on and run for the hills! it's not worth your time or energy to associate w/ those kinds anymore....

21. some people will lie to get the sympathy of other people....and the most painful lie are the ones coming from the mouths of people of your own flesh and blood...

22. what you do when no one's looking is the real you...and what you do when you don't know what to do reveals your true character...

23. allowing trust issues to rule your life will only make you lonely, insecure, paranoid and miserable... see # 10

24. the more insecure the person is, the more that person will try to hurt you and be difficult...

25. there would be people in your life who would try to make you feel guilty for achieving what you have worked so hard for... ignore them...what they're doing is a classic example of "crab mentality"..

26. and there would be people who would use their inferior state to guilt-trip you into helping them (read atlas shrugged by ayn rand and you'll see what i mean) and they would take advantage of your being a push-over...

27. don't just give someone a fish, teach that someone how to fish.... because if not, you'll end up being that person's human ATM machine for life...

28. to some, when money talks nothing else matter

29. getting lost is the best way to remember a certain place....

30. it is true that difficult people are like sandpaper..they may scratch you and hurt you but eventually you end up smooth and the sandpaper worn out..

31. do not judge people because of the decisions they made because it's different when you're just an outsider looking inside and when you're actually the one "inside"... also take into consideration #12

32. and a favorite quote i want to share:
“Never allow anyone to rain on your parade and thus cast a pall of gloom and defeat on the entire day. Remember that no talent, no self-denial, no brains, no character, are required to set up in the fault-finding business. Nothing external can have any power over you unless you permit it. Your time is too precious to be sacrificed in wasted days combating the menial forces of hate, jealously, and envy. Guard your fragile life carefully. Only God can shape a flower, but any foolish child can pull it to pieces.” - og mandino

 

still trying to let go..

...i have just seen my ex-travel agency's multiply site.... it still hurts to see my name is not on it anymore.... i can't believe it would really hurt this much.....

i feel used.... without me that company won't even be where it is right now.... i guess they didn't see that....

but it's not the end of the world, right?

right?

right.


p.s.
they haven't paid me yet.
it's supposed to dec. 31

when friends forgot about you..

i saw new year eve photos of my friends...
i guess they forgot to invite me...
or everyone thought someone invited me already....


ah, the disadvantage of not having a ride...


lol, i guess i'm bitter...
that was my 1st time to celebrate
new year alone.... and it almost
drove me nuts... thank gawd for tequila...



but that's fine...no one's oblige to take care of me....
it's not right that just because they're enjoying
their new year's eve and i'm alone and miserable i would
make them feel bad about it, that's just plain selfish and childish of me if i do that.....



but next time i will ask....no more making assumptions.....i will ask.... holiday season is a busy time and sometimes one has the tendency to not remember who you invited already and who you didn't yet......

p.s.
i have to reiterate, i'm fine...
someone might make a big deal out of this again and
make a mountain out of a molehill.....
i don't want any of those drama anymore, please...
again, i am fine. i'm not that shallow, lol... you should
give me more credit and stop making assumptions, lol....

i love you--

yiruma...

...thank you for the river..

holidays make me crazy...

we had a 4-day long weekend (that's jan 1-4) and it's funny that i feel depressed everytime i woke up (and that's 3 times a day, lol) and i was wishing i'm at work busy doing my tasks but now that i'm actually at work i can't bring myself to start my tasks, hehe......... but i'll start at 10, lol......

geez, i swear i'll never do that again........ i mean stay home when everyone is partying....darn....i'll go crazy...... that is the problem, most of my friends have their significant others and ofcourse i can't butt in and join them, it would ruin their moments...... plus i don't have the guts to ask them to pick me up at home because, c'mon, it's a holiday, everyone is busy doing something............. but next time, i need to be somewhere, anywhere........ it doesn't have to be anything wild or extra ordinary, i just need to be around people! i am so going to canadian embassy one of these days and apply for a visa....... i won't let this happen to me again...... i'll make sure that if no one invites me for christmas or new year i'll just visit my relatives in ontario....... that's cheaper and closer than going home to the philippines........

gawd, am i so glad i pushed through with my christmas trip in california even if my flight was delayed for 5 hours and i was sick and running on dayquil and nyquil that time, atleast that's one holiday happily spent (thank you, thank you jet, the galvez and manalo family for having me)............. but my new year celebration sucks big time............ can you believe i was crying jan 31 until jan 2 (yeah, i was on crying marathon, lol) and i was at home on new year's eve until the 4th? i'm such a loser sometimes, lol......... but i did went out on jan 3.......... i went shopping in center city......... i need to go out because i feel like i'm losing my mind........... it's also a good thing a friend of mine dropped by jan 3 when i got home from center city, so that somehow made my day..........

oh i'm so glad holidays are over....... depression during holidays is evil! really evil...

'tis the season to be jolly?

i should be happy.... some people would sell everything and do anything to be able to live and work in this country..... i got here almost effortless.....



i should be happy..... i am not affected with this recession thingie (pwera usog).....



i should be happy i have a nice aparment, a nice job, friendly co-workers......



i should be happy..... i have my friends here who i consider as my 2nd family....



i should be happy.... and thankful....



but once i closed my door and i'm all alone facing the empty walls of my apartment, that's when it would hit me that my life sucks and that i'm not truly happy........ indeed, money isn't everything.......... and it's seasons like these that i become all melodramatic and the suck-ness magnifies a thousand times.......






p.s.

time for zyrtec...
i am so gonna get drunk tonight......
need to release some pent up
emotions....



p.p.s.

damn those lying, heartless, selfish people
who have been sucking my tears out
from my tearducts...... you can suck my tears
out but not my life.... and remember, karma
is a bitch....

i need your ID miss..

i was at a wine and spirits store near my place yesterday to buy some bottles to give as presents......i bought some for myself too, a champagne and japanese sake for cooking......... when i got to the counter:

old guy: i need your i.d. please.
me: *trying to hide a very wide grin while i look for my driver's license*
old guy: *looks at the driver's license then at me* wow, i thought you were just 21..
me: thank you, that's very nice of you...
old guy: wow...u really look like ur just 21
me: *lol* thanks


ahhh.... don't you just love it when people thought you were younger, i know i do, lol........


i was supposed to be on leave starting today and go somewhere out of state because a friend told me he's taking me somewhere as a present for my birthday but he just disappeared............ he doesn't return my calls or text messages and the only thing i remember was i texted him a week before to ask him if i'm seeing him that day because if not i'm going out w/ my other male friend (i need to accompany him to an asian market)........ he never returned my calls and text messages after that....... and i'm not sure if he's just mad at me or if something bad happened to him........ i hope he's just mad at me and nothing bad happened to him......... but if he's mad i hope he'll tell me why.........



so far my birthday is ok........ there was just one mean guy so far and i just sure hope he's just joking around because i don't like it when someone raises his/her voice at me.......... plus i really don't understand why some people thinks that throwing insults or being mean is a cool way of joking around.........



anyway, but so far i'm good....... i had a doctor's appointment this morning and got lucky when my fave shuttle driver found me waiting for a bus and he sang happy birthday to me on the way to the train station, that's really sweet........ i have several friends who also called to greet me personally and some other greetings thru emails, friendster, facebook, multiply and yahoo messenger-- thank you everyone, you know who you are! mwah!



i got myself a $60 amazon gift certificate from a special friend back in Manila (thanks again!)....and again thanks joy for the magic sing extra mic (we'll be using it this friday night!), alve for the moshulu gift certificate (im still looking for a date to go there, lol)



i'm in the office right now waiting for our 2pm holiday party......... yes, lots of good food-- on my birthday!

ego doesn't get you anywhere....

they say you shouldn't linger too much in the past...
it halts your growth.... you need to learn to let go.....
but i still find myself hoping for the good 'ol familiar past...

my friends said sacrifice is the best policy...
but why should i be the one to do the sacrificing?
yeah, ego sometimes doesn't get you anywhere....

but i still dream...

i still sometimes secretly wish....

that someday... someday...

i can still turn back time...

and i will see my iMac again and that the iMac is still in the market waiting for me....

p.s.
only those who have been part of that "past" will be able to decipher what i mean by this blog..

 

what? girls can't court? bummer...

lol...

i know, i know, i shouldn't complain....... that's the norm, specially in my culture............... filipinas are expected to just wait and pray hard very hard that the man she likes likes her too and that eventually he would make a move and start courting her.............. she can't do the first move or drop a hint, that would be unacceptable (but i have ways around this,  shhhh, lol)........... because if she did people might label her as flirt, walang delicadeza ........

and so we girls wait......

...... and pray.....

.... and maybe go to saint jude.....

.... or write to diaries, tee hee hee.....

...... and daydream.......

......  and daydream some more......

oh, and yeah, goodluck if the man you like is torpe or is too scared to even talk to you............ and can't even look at you straight in the eye..........

*sigh*  life.....

p.s.
yep, i made my research
no kids....smart.... stable....
single..single..single

 

i need distractions

a lot of distractions........

i need things to come to pass--fast...... the frictions in the going-ons of my life is starting to build up and i need some sort of outlet to keep my brainwaves in the right direction......

i wish it's already june 2009 or even march 2009 is fine...... i want to prove something to myself and time is my only ally.........

no one has ever fought to be with you....

i got this from a blogger i frequently stalk, lol..... hi "j" i hope you don't mind me echoing your blog.... it's just that i can so relate to this.... *big sigh*

"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."

Translation : It's not sadness nor fear that is hard with being alone but the acceptance, that out of billions and billions of people in the world, no one has ever fought to be with you.

and it doesn't help to come home to an apartment with no one to greet you but the four empty walls and it sure doesn't help either to spend your weekends alone trying so desperately to entertain yourself to drown away the feeling of emptiness.....

hayyyy.....

p.s.
i don't care if you are rolling your eyes again
because i'm being melodramatic....
hmpf!

on filter mode..always on filter mode..

all of us at some point in our lives have been hurt and betrayed...
which leads us into having trust issues....i know i do.... that is why i am always on filter mode.....
but i only have trust issues when it comes to relationship but not with friends....atleast not yet, but it looks like now i have to be careful whom to trust in my circle of friends....

yes, i'm so tired and stressed out about what's been happening since november..... i have cried. i got mad. and i don't know how many times i have screamed "leche nyo" (yes, that's the only filipino curse words i can utter)........

but at the end of the day i keep asking myself, is it worth it to use my "powers" on negative things? it won't change anything...... so i try to move on and forget until something would trigger that "emotion" again...

yes, i'm still not over it 100% so i'm afraid you "might" still see me yapping about it thru my blogs for days to come...... i just need a way to spit it out and blogging is my only source of therapy........

but when i'm done i'll make sure to leave something for you to think about....

travel factor officially hates me now..

i think......

they haven't replied to any of my emails... i have sent them a few, including follow ups on my copy of the "corporate agreement"....... they also change the password of our corporate email account so now i can't log in...... i'm still a legal partner/owner of Travel Factor until dec 31st, 2008, fyi

i am so tempted to make this blog public..... i think the public has the right to know what's going on with Travel Factor.....

 

they officially hate me because i sent them an email that contains these:

- 30,000/month salary for each 3 major shareholders is i think too much.... that's 90,000/month
- what if the income is less than 90,000 or exactly 90,000? tough luck for "minor shareholders"?
- why 30-30-30-5-5 and not 20-20-20-10-10?
- does it really have to be 30-30-30-5-5 PLUS a full time salary on top of that? can it be 30% OR full time salary?
- if major shareholders is asking for a full time salary for being full time employees, can minor shareholders get a part-time salary too? say, 5,000/month?
- can TF just hire employees? like, 3 maybe, for 15,000/month so all owners can go back to their day jobs? think of how much TF can save...
- 30% share PLUS a full time salary really sounds, I'm sorry I have to use this word, greedy to me....
- if I may ask, what exactly is the reason why you proposed to give me 5%? to shut me up? pity? consuelo de bobo? so as not to hurt my feelings? as one of the major "foundations" of travel factor a "generous" 5% is kinda insulting.....
- I have learned a lot while I was still with TF and I think i'm ready to be on my own. I am ready to let go of TF and start my own.
- with this, may I humbly request not to use the Travel Factor name anymore?
- since I named the Photoholic and i conceptualized and named the Surfvivor series, may I also humbly request not to use those names anymore?

about Liquidation process for Dec 2008:

- we are all aware that two of the partners, A & B, started really enjoying working with Travel Factor and instead of having Travel Factor to be just a part time thing for all partners (as originally planned) they decided to quit their day jobs, at their own free will.
- There is no part of the Corporation Agreement that we all signed mentioning about full time salary should anyone decided to quit their day jobs and work full time for Travel Factor.
- There is no clause in the Corporate Agreement that mentions "One or two partners have the right to demand a full time salary on a whim without written signed agreement".
- But, as a sign of goodwill, i'm proposing 20% of TF's total income as A & B's incentive for their hardwork and dedication.
- Incentive, not salary. ...If you want to declare this as salary make sure to remit your income tax accordingly or Travel Factor might get in trouble with the BIR for not remitting their employees taxes.
- I honestly think this is a fair enough set up. Both A and B are being compensated fairly for all their hardwork even if this is not part of the Corporate Agreement and at the same time all the partners will get what is legally theirs.  
- unfortunately, I have never seen the books and I was never updated on the income, So it looks like A and B have the upper hand on how honest and how much they are willing to share the correct figures.

 

other Thoughts on A and B's decision to work fulltime
(this is copy-pasted from original email that i sent them)

Don't get me wrong, ofcourse I am not against their decisions of quiting their day jobs and working full time. I don't have the right to tell them what to do or what not to do. That's their life. Same way that they can't tell us what we should do or what we shouldn't do.We all have our own freewill. It was just unfortunate that with this decision of doing full time, they realized they're losing their sense of life balance (and I am sorry to hear that) which then resulted to a decision to kick out (or demote) the unsuspecting partners.

My apologies for bringing this up again, but in my humble opinion, I sincerely believe it is not the other partners fault that A and B lost their social lives and sense of life balance because they decided to work full time (at their own free will) and having said this, this shouldn't be a ground for kicking out or demote other unsuspecting partners or to make them feel guilty about not being able to work full time like what they did.

I'm just wondering, if A and B really feel that the set up is unfair why not just resign and put up their own company? Why impose such drastic measures of "reorganizing" the company? I just thought the "reorganization" is unethical and one-sided and selfish. Just my opinion.

with these i saw some ym status that says: (i hope this isn't for me)
- pag di mo ako tinigilan mapapatay kita
- ikaw na ang bida

other issues i'm having from A & B and the new partner:
- they have changed our corporate email password even if officially i am still a partner
- partnership expires end of december 2008
- im asking for my copy of the corporate agreement (i left the philippines when SEC returned the papers to us) and they're ignoring my emails

 

on google phone

it's been 2 years..time to change!

i think ...........

 

i'm not really sold on this idea yet..... what i do know is i like having a phone that uses a sim card (sprint doesn't).......... i kinda miss those times when i was still in philippines and i can change my cellphone when there's a new nokia phone in the market and the one before that new model is already on sale...... yeah, i'm not one for upgrading to the latest cellphone model, i usually get the phones that are 1 to 2 models older than the newest model.......

so anyway, here's the thing........ while i do love my sprint network because of the free incoming plan that i have, i'm thinking of switching over to at&t or t-mobile so i could get this phone -> http://www.nokiausa.com/N96 


but i'm more leaning into getting the at&t because of the roll over minutes...... but i kinda like the t-mobile too because of the fave 5 plus they have this very cool phone from google ...... have you heard of the google g1? see that image? that's the phone........... i saw it from one of my friends and it's really cool! the o.s. is called android and it's open source and that means there are a lot of free applications that you can download and that also means you can also write your own application!  coolness! 

ok, enough, you can just read it here..............  i don't want you to think that i'm a geek (because i'm far from it),  but i'm telling you that google g1 phone really rocks....... too bad only t-mobile has it........

anyway, i dunno...... my contract with sprint doesn't expire until march..... so i still have 3 months to think about it.........

p.s.
but then again,
the price of both these cellphones
is almost the price of one
Sigma 12-24mm (wide-angle) lens...
*sigh* decisions...decisions...

pacquiao at hooters

me      : hey where are we watching the pacquiao-dela hoya match?
friend1 : i don't know, but i heard we'll just go to hooters
me      : oh, they have it there?
friend1 : yep
me      : cool
friend2 : hey people, don't forget, sheila's house, saturday, pacquiao, after practice
me      : oh really, is there free food?
friend2 : i just know im marinading something....
me      : good, forget hooters....it's sheila's house then *lol*


p.s.
and i don't care if sheila's house is 45 min away from my place.....
thank goodness for my "mababait" brothers who never gets tired of giving me a ride, lol

 

baking moment : thanksgiving hang over

i tagged along with my friends to do a volunteer stuff at a church along north broad street...... they needed help to pack food so they can distribute it to those who can't afford thanksgiving dinner............ we also helped in serving lunch for the less fortunate who were invited at that church.......

anyway........

part of the menu is baked sweet potatoes......... i was in-charge of serving cranberry sauce and buns but boy, i keep eyeing those sweet potatoes that when it's our turn to eat i didnt care about the turkey anymore and went straight to the sweet potatoes....... and i had like 3 servings, lol (takaw!)

so anyway, i was still thinking about it that i asked a co-worker how to do it and i finally did it yesterday..... i just added marshmallows with mine....

here's the recipe -->baked sweet potatoes

enjoy!

need help on camera settings

ok, yes, i admit i suck when it comes to taking photos of people......... my, eherm, photography magic power only works on taking landscape and inanimate objects  but never people..... and it doesn't help that i have unsteady hands so indoor photography is my weakest, weakest point.....

enough of the adlibs..

can someone please give me some camera settings:

1.  if i need to take pictures of people inside a room with just ambient lighting (you know those  yellow bulb thingies)
       a. if im using no external flash and using a 50mm prime lens
       b. if im using an external flash and using a 50mm prime lens
       a. if im using no external flash and using a kit lens 
       b. if im using an external flash and using a kit lens 

i just need the aperture, iso, shutterspeed and if i'll be using an external flash what should be my flash settings? argh, that's another bummer..... i am, for the life of me, a flash photography idiota..... i just noticed that when i use flash the picture gets darker...argh, i really sound pathetiec, lol.....

i'm sorry i am so clueless about portrait shots.... but will you help me? a married couple close to my heart is celebrating their 10yr wedding anniversary and they asked me a favor if i could be their designated photographer and i can't say no and i dont want to disappoint them ........

please?