'tis the season to be jolly?

i should be happy.... some people would sell everything and do anything to be able to live and work in this country..... i got here almost effortless.....



i should be happy..... i am not affected with this recession thingie (pwera usog).....



i should be happy i have a nice aparment, a nice job, friendly co-workers......



i should be happy..... i have my friends here who i consider as my 2nd family....



i should be happy.... and thankful....



but once i closed my door and i'm all alone facing the empty walls of my apartment, that's when it would hit me that my life sucks and that i'm not truly happy........ indeed, money isn't everything.......... and it's seasons like these that i become all melodramatic and the suck-ness magnifies a thousand times.......






p.s.

time for zyrtec...
i am so gonna get drunk tonight......
need to release some pent up
emotions....



p.p.s.

damn those lying, heartless, selfish people
who have been sucking my tears out
from my tearducts...... you can suck my tears
out but not my life.... and remember, karma
is a bitch....

i need your ID miss..

i was at a wine and spirits store near my place yesterday to buy some bottles to give as presents......i bought some for myself too, a champagne and japanese sake for cooking......... when i got to the counter:

old guy: i need your i.d. please.
me: *trying to hide a very wide grin while i look for my driver's license*
old guy: *looks at the driver's license then at me* wow, i thought you were just 21..
me: thank you, that's very nice of you...
old guy: wow...u really look like ur just 21
me: *lol* thanks


ahhh.... don't you just love it when people thought you were younger, i know i do, lol........


i was supposed to be on leave starting today and go somewhere out of state because a friend told me he's taking me somewhere as a present for my birthday but he just disappeared............ he doesn't return my calls or text messages and the only thing i remember was i texted him a week before to ask him if i'm seeing him that day because if not i'm going out w/ my other male friend (i need to accompany him to an asian market)........ he never returned my calls and text messages after that....... and i'm not sure if he's just mad at me or if something bad happened to him........ i hope he's just mad at me and nothing bad happened to him......... but if he's mad i hope he'll tell me why.........



so far my birthday is ok........ there was just one mean guy so far and i just sure hope he's just joking around because i don't like it when someone raises his/her voice at me.......... plus i really don't understand why some people thinks that throwing insults or being mean is a cool way of joking around.........



anyway, but so far i'm good....... i had a doctor's appointment this morning and got lucky when my fave shuttle driver found me waiting for a bus and he sang happy birthday to me on the way to the train station, that's really sweet........ i have several friends who also called to greet me personally and some other greetings thru emails, friendster, facebook, multiply and yahoo messenger-- thank you everyone, you know who you are! mwah!



i got myself a $60 amazon gift certificate from a special friend back in Manila (thanks again!)....and again thanks joy for the magic sing extra mic (we'll be using it this friday night!), alve for the moshulu gift certificate (im still looking for a date to go there, lol)



i'm in the office right now waiting for our 2pm holiday party......... yes, lots of good food-- on my birthday!

ego doesn't get you anywhere....

they say you shouldn't linger too much in the past...
it halts your growth.... you need to learn to let go.....
but i still find myself hoping for the good 'ol familiar past...

my friends said sacrifice is the best policy...
but why should i be the one to do the sacrificing?
yeah, ego sometimes doesn't get you anywhere....

but i still dream...

i still sometimes secretly wish....

that someday... someday...

i can still turn back time...

and i will see my iMac again and that the iMac is still in the market waiting for me....

p.s.
only those who have been part of that "past" will be able to decipher what i mean by this blog..

 

what? girls can't court? bummer...

lol...

i know, i know, i shouldn't complain....... that's the norm, specially in my culture............... filipinas are expected to just wait and pray hard very hard that the man she likes likes her too and that eventually he would make a move and start courting her.............. she can't do the first move or drop a hint, that would be unacceptable (but i have ways around this,  shhhh, lol)........... because if she did people might label her as flirt, walang delicadeza ........

and so we girls wait......

...... and pray.....

.... and maybe go to saint jude.....

.... or write to diaries, tee hee hee.....

...... and daydream.......

......  and daydream some more......

oh, and yeah, goodluck if the man you like is torpe or is too scared to even talk to you............ and can't even look at you straight in the eye..........

*sigh*  life.....

p.s.
yep, i made my research
no kids....smart.... stable....
single..single..single

 

i need distractions

a lot of distractions........

i need things to come to pass--fast...... the frictions in the going-ons of my life is starting to build up and i need some sort of outlet to keep my brainwaves in the right direction......

i wish it's already june 2009 or even march 2009 is fine...... i want to prove something to myself and time is my only ally.........

no one has ever fought to be with you....

i got this from a blogger i frequently stalk, lol..... hi "j" i hope you don't mind me echoing your blog.... it's just that i can so relate to this.... *big sigh*

"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."

Translation : It's not sadness nor fear that is hard with being alone but the acceptance, that out of billions and billions of people in the world, no one has ever fought to be with you.

and it doesn't help to come home to an apartment with no one to greet you but the four empty walls and it sure doesn't help either to spend your weekends alone trying so desperately to entertain yourself to drown away the feeling of emptiness.....

hayyyy.....

p.s.
i don't care if you are rolling your eyes again
because i'm being melodramatic....
hmpf!

on filter mode..always on filter mode..

all of us at some point in our lives have been hurt and betrayed...
which leads us into having trust issues....i know i do.... that is why i am always on filter mode.....
but i only have trust issues when it comes to relationship but not with friends....atleast not yet, but it looks like now i have to be careful whom to trust in my circle of friends....

yes, i'm so tired and stressed out about what's been happening since november..... i have cried. i got mad. and i don't know how many times i have screamed "leche nyo" (yes, that's the only filipino curse words i can utter)........

but at the end of the day i keep asking myself, is it worth it to use my "powers" on negative things? it won't change anything...... so i try to move on and forget until something would trigger that "emotion" again...

yes, i'm still not over it 100% so i'm afraid you "might" still see me yapping about it thru my blogs for days to come...... i just need a way to spit it out and blogging is my only source of therapy........

but when i'm done i'll make sure to leave something for you to think about....

travel factor officially hates me now..

i think......

they haven't replied to any of my emails... i have sent them a few, including follow ups on my copy of the "corporate agreement"....... they also change the password of our corporate email account so now i can't log in...... i'm still a legal partner/owner of Travel Factor until dec 31st, 2008, fyi

i am so tempted to make this blog public..... i think the public has the right to know what's going on with Travel Factor.....

 

they officially hate me because i sent them an email that contains these:

- 30,000/month salary for each 3 major shareholders is i think too much.... that's 90,000/month
- what if the income is less than 90,000 or exactly 90,000? tough luck for "minor shareholders"?
- why 30-30-30-5-5 and not 20-20-20-10-10?
- does it really have to be 30-30-30-5-5 PLUS a full time salary on top of that? can it be 30% OR full time salary?
- if major shareholders is asking for a full time salary for being full time employees, can minor shareholders get a part-time salary too? say, 5,000/month?
- can TF just hire employees? like, 3 maybe, for 15,000/month so all owners can go back to their day jobs? think of how much TF can save...
- 30% share PLUS a full time salary really sounds, I'm sorry I have to use this word, greedy to me....
- if I may ask, what exactly is the reason why you proposed to give me 5%? to shut me up? pity? consuelo de bobo? so as not to hurt my feelings? as one of the major "foundations" of travel factor a "generous" 5% is kinda insulting.....
- I have learned a lot while I was still with TF and I think i'm ready to be on my own. I am ready to let go of TF and start my own.
- with this, may I humbly request not to use the Travel Factor name anymore?
- since I named the Photoholic and i conceptualized and named the Surfvivor series, may I also humbly request not to use those names anymore?

about Liquidation process for Dec 2008:

- we are all aware that two of the partners, A & B, started really enjoying working with Travel Factor and instead of having Travel Factor to be just a part time thing for all partners (as originally planned) they decided to quit their day jobs, at their own free will.
- There is no part of the Corporation Agreement that we all signed mentioning about full time salary should anyone decided to quit their day jobs and work full time for Travel Factor.
- There is no clause in the Corporate Agreement that mentions "One or two partners have the right to demand a full time salary on a whim without written signed agreement".
- But, as a sign of goodwill, i'm proposing 20% of TF's total income as A & B's incentive for their hardwork and dedication.
- Incentive, not salary. ...If you want to declare this as salary make sure to remit your income tax accordingly or Travel Factor might get in trouble with the BIR for not remitting their employees taxes.
- I honestly think this is a fair enough set up. Both A and B are being compensated fairly for all their hardwork even if this is not part of the Corporate Agreement and at the same time all the partners will get what is legally theirs.  
- unfortunately, I have never seen the books and I was never updated on the income, So it looks like A and B have the upper hand on how honest and how much they are willing to share the correct figures.

 

other Thoughts on A and B's decision to work fulltime
(this is copy-pasted from original email that i sent them)

Don't get me wrong, ofcourse I am not against their decisions of quiting their day jobs and working full time. I don't have the right to tell them what to do or what not to do. That's their life. Same way that they can't tell us what we should do or what we shouldn't do.We all have our own freewill. It was just unfortunate that with this decision of doing full time, they realized they're losing their sense of life balance (and I am sorry to hear that) which then resulted to a decision to kick out (or demote) the unsuspecting partners.

My apologies for bringing this up again, but in my humble opinion, I sincerely believe it is not the other partners fault that A and B lost their social lives and sense of life balance because they decided to work full time (at their own free will) and having said this, this shouldn't be a ground for kicking out or demote other unsuspecting partners or to make them feel guilty about not being able to work full time like what they did.

I'm just wondering, if A and B really feel that the set up is unfair why not just resign and put up their own company? Why impose such drastic measures of "reorganizing" the company? I just thought the "reorganization" is unethical and one-sided and selfish. Just my opinion.

with these i saw some ym status that says: (i hope this isn't for me)
- pag di mo ako tinigilan mapapatay kita
- ikaw na ang bida

other issues i'm having from A & B and the new partner:
- they have changed our corporate email password even if officially i am still a partner
- partnership expires end of december 2008
- im asking for my copy of the corporate agreement (i left the philippines when SEC returned the papers to us) and they're ignoring my emails

 

on google phone

it's been 2 years..time to change!

i think ...........

 

i'm not really sold on this idea yet..... what i do know is i like having a phone that uses a sim card (sprint doesn't).......... i kinda miss those times when i was still in philippines and i can change my cellphone when there's a new nokia phone in the market and the one before that new model is already on sale...... yeah, i'm not one for upgrading to the latest cellphone model, i usually get the phones that are 1 to 2 models older than the newest model.......

so anyway, here's the thing........ while i do love my sprint network because of the free incoming plan that i have, i'm thinking of switching over to at&t or t-mobile so i could get this phone -> http://www.nokiausa.com/N96 


but i'm more leaning into getting the at&t because of the roll over minutes...... but i kinda like the t-mobile too because of the fave 5 plus they have this very cool phone from google ...... have you heard of the google g1? see that image? that's the phone........... i saw it from one of my friends and it's really cool! the o.s. is called android and it's open source and that means there are a lot of free applications that you can download and that also means you can also write your own application!  coolness! 

ok, enough, you can just read it here..............  i don't want you to think that i'm a geek (because i'm far from it),  but i'm telling you that google g1 phone really rocks....... too bad only t-mobile has it........

anyway, i dunno...... my contract with sprint doesn't expire until march..... so i still have 3 months to think about it.........

p.s.
but then again,
the price of both these cellphones
is almost the price of one
Sigma 12-24mm (wide-angle) lens...
*sigh* decisions...decisions...

pacquiao at hooters

me      : hey where are we watching the pacquiao-dela hoya match?
friend1 : i don't know, but i heard we'll just go to hooters
me      : oh, they have it there?
friend1 : yep
me      : cool
friend2 : hey people, don't forget, sheila's house, saturday, pacquiao, after practice
me      : oh really, is there free food?
friend2 : i just know im marinading something....
me      : good, forget hooters....it's sheila's house then *lol*


p.s.
and i don't care if sheila's house is 45 min away from my place.....
thank goodness for my "mababait" brothers who never gets tired of giving me a ride, lol

 

baking moment : thanksgiving hang over

i tagged along with my friends to do a volunteer stuff at a church along north broad street...... they needed help to pack food so they can distribute it to those who can't afford thanksgiving dinner............ we also helped in serving lunch for the less fortunate who were invited at that church.......

anyway........

part of the menu is baked sweet potatoes......... i was in-charge of serving cranberry sauce and buns but boy, i keep eyeing those sweet potatoes that when it's our turn to eat i didnt care about the turkey anymore and went straight to the sweet potatoes....... and i had like 3 servings, lol (takaw!)

so anyway, i was still thinking about it that i asked a co-worker how to do it and i finally did it yesterday..... i just added marshmallows with mine....

here's the recipe -->baked sweet potatoes

enjoy!

need help on camera settings

ok, yes, i admit i suck when it comes to taking photos of people......... my, eherm, photography magic power only works on taking landscape and inanimate objects  but never people..... and it doesn't help that i have unsteady hands so indoor photography is my weakest, weakest point.....

enough of the adlibs..

can someone please give me some camera settings:

1.  if i need to take pictures of people inside a room with just ambient lighting (you know those  yellow bulb thingies)
       a. if im using no external flash and using a 50mm prime lens
       b. if im using an external flash and using a 50mm prime lens
       a. if im using no external flash and using a kit lens 
       b. if im using an external flash and using a kit lens 

i just need the aperture, iso, shutterspeed and if i'll be using an external flash what should be my flash settings? argh, that's another bummer..... i am, for the life of me, a flash photography idiota..... i just noticed that when i use flash the picture gets darker...argh, i really sound pathetiec, lol.....

i'm sorry i am so clueless about portrait shots.... but will you help me? a married couple close to my heart is celebrating their 10yr wedding anniversary and they asked me a favor if i could be their designated photographer and i can't say no and i dont want to disappoint them ........

please?

updating my bday/christmas wish list

 

categorized according to price (o.c. eh, ano pa ba, hehe)


cheap: ($50 and below)

- F.R.I.E.N.D.S DVD (i already have 1-4 and 10)
- a spa gift certificate from pierre and carlo
- gift card from bath and body works
- a gift card from my fave shop, charlotte russe
- a gift card from papa johns pizza (yep, i love their pizza!)
- a gift card from carrabas or chillis or olive garden
- small paper shredder
- peach roses
- a bear from build-a-bear that looks like me, lol (vain!)
- shark vx1 cordless floor and carpet sweeper
- pyrex baking dish
- capo for acoustic guitar
- cheesecake from sayitwithcheesecake.com
- issey miyake
- or clinique happy
- some DVDs (its in my amazon wishlist )




semi expensive: ($100 and above)

- portable photo storage
- apple ipod nano 4gb silver (2nd generation not the latest)
- a coffee table..i mean this coffee table
- a technomarine watch (go to my amazon wishlist to see what i mean)
- broadway show at timesquare NY (any show)
- massaging chair cushion (5 type settings)




pricey!

- a wii and a wii fit
- nikon sb-800 flash
- wide angle lens
- new 13 or 14" notebook (dell or hp or mac, hehe)
- adobe lightroom
- or adobe CS
- roundtrip plane ticket to Rome or Amsterdam
- or utah (i am so going to utah next year)
- electric kick scooter  (amazon sell this for cheaper price)
- irobot scooba



used to be in my wishlist but i already have:

- a takamine gs330S guitar     <--- bought one for myself  

- a nice dinner at moshulu or anywhere nice....if i need to wear some fancy dress then much better! lol ..p.s. i want to dine in at some authentic italian restaurant (yep! i love anything italian!)     <--- thanks to alve! mwah! now i need a date (eherm, friendship n. e.? can you hear me? lol)...

- san francisco  <--- already have the tickets (san francisco and l.a.)  

 

silly grin

i have that silly grin plastered on my face again...

...chasing cars, definitely chasing cars...



p.s.
dear santa,
all i want for christmas is that
same voice who sang chasing cars to me today

can i get a ride?

my friend x invited me to do a volunteer work on thursday....... and because i like that idea i said yes right away.......

i texted that friend yesterday...."x? can i get a ride for thursday"


my friend's reply...."ei ayeen, di ba nagwo-work septa sa thursday?"
translation: is septa off on thursday?

(septa is the public transportation system of philadelphia)



my reply.... "oh. ok"



lol, give me more of this and i'll get a complex soon, lol....... or maybe i'm just overly sensitive...... hold on, maybe the way i asked the question is demanding? uh-oh..... i don't mean it to sound that way.......


note to self: consider buying a car early or mid next year........

how do you want to be proposed at? how do you wish to propose?

i was watching FRIENDS season 10....and when it got to the part when mike proposed to phoebe i started asking my friend:

"i wonder how it feels like to be proposed at"

anyway, that proposal scene was simple but very romantic..... if someone tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me i'll probably lose my tongue and won't be able to speak for a few minutes and being the cry baby that i am i might start crying......... i don't need a sunset or a sunrise and some nice beach (although i wouldn't mind that setting, lol) just so the proposal would pass as romantic, just hearing those words will surely make my heart melt...... with matching "chasing cars" as background, lol..... ok, im overdoing it, lol.......

i wonder how it would feel like to get proposed at? how do you want to be proposed at? or how do you wish to propose (i'll be very interested w/ ur answers)

at my age i don't know if there's still hope, lol....... but i'm not giving up......i'm sure he's there somewhere, with the wrong woman, lol (i can dream, right?)....... or maybe i met him already..... *shrugs* who knows..... or maybe He has better plans.....

which reminds.... i had a doctor's appointment last monday..... it's just a regular check up thing because my mother's side (and that includes my mom) have a history of all kinds of reproductive organ problems so i'm very vigilant and careful about my reproductive health....... so anyway, ofcourse you have to tell the doctor your age.....my doctor and i had this conversation:

"are you planning to start a family soon"
(i want to but....) "uhmm, no, not yet"
"ok, if you decided to start a family, you should tell me 3 months in advance"
"oh..why?"
"because at your age...we have to be very careful"
"ohh...."

what the ef ?!
what does that supposed to mean..... gawd, i'm old....

 

may GPS na sa manila? woot!

i found out from a friend that philippines now has gps...who would have thought! i mean, with all the street signs changing all the time that's a pain in the neck to encode...

here's the sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFMceADbk_4 (got this from capncrisp)

and i was chatting with a friend about howe we're wishing the instructions are in tagalog... here's the conversation:

friend: dapat pilipino yun pinasalita nila dun sa gps
me: hehe...tipong, "umikot ka sa kanan, now na!"
friend: hehe
me: o ung " naliligaw ka na..pinapahirapan mo ako"..
friend: hehe
me: ano ba tagalog ng recalculating
friend: nagiisip
me: hehe..ayun "naliligaw ka na..nag-iisip ng bagong ruta"..
me: mali..."ang tigas ng ulo mo, kelangan ko tuloy magisip ng bagong ruta"
friend: hehe
me: lol...ang saya sana nun..
me: sana recordable ung mga generic na sinasabi ng gps
friend: o nga hehe


mga suggestion kong generic instructions:

"umayos ka, malapit ka nang kumaliwa matapos ang (insert distance)"
"makulit ang lahi mo, di ba sabi ko kumaliwa/kumanan ka pagkatapos ng (insert distance)"
"nagiisip ng bagong ruta..letch ka, pinahihirapan mo ako, alam mo namang ang daming trapik"
"naliligaw ka na. suko na ako. mag-jeep ka na lang kaya."
"nag-issip ulit ng bagong ruta. pramis, duduguin ako sa yo. di ka marunong sumunod sa instructions"
"yehey, dumating din tayo sa yong destinasyon.layas!"
"kumanan sa pasong tamo na dating chino roces na dating..hay, di ko alam ang dami nyang names!"



lol... ok back to work..

love is like the sewer hole, if you fell, it's either by accident or ur really stupid

i'm echoing this post from mitch

i tried to translate it in english for my non-tagalog speaking friends unfortunately it's not as powerful as when it's in tagalog but the thought is there.......... but somehow, you'll get entertained..... my favorite ones are those with *s

enjoy!

Ayon kay Bob Ong:
Translation: According to Bob Ong
(bob ong is one of those funny filipino authors that i also like)

 

1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."
Translation: if you don't love that person, don't show any motives to make that person love you

2. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."
Translation: Don't let go of someone you can't stand being held by someone else.

3. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."
Translation: Don't hold (that someone) if you know you would just drop (that someone)

4. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."
Translation: Don't you ever held someone when you already are holding someone else

5. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

Translation: It's just like an elevator, why would you force yourself in if there's no room for you. There's the stairs, you just keep ignoring it.

*** 6. "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din."

Translation: If you would just wait for someone to flirt with you, nothing will happen. You should flirt too (hmm..tempting, lol)

 

7. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

Translation: If you love someone and he/she doesn't love you back, let go. Who knows, after some time you might realize you don't like him/her anymore, he/she just beats you to it.

 

*** 8. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."
Translation: Break up if you are no longer happy. There's no antidote for stupidy but initiative.

 

9. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."

Translation: If the one you love doesn't love back don't compalin. Because there are also people who loves you but you don't love back. That's it, quits.

 

10. "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."

Translation: If you love 2 people, choose the second one. Because you wouldn't love another one if you really love the first one.

 

*** 11. "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

Translation: Not because you frequently chat on the internet, phone or you both always hang out or exchange text messages 24/7 that would mean that person is meant for you. There are just people who by nature are friendly, sweet, flirt or ego-tripping (ouch...)

 

12. "Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka."

Translation: Don't be in a hurry for a guy or a girl. Three, five, ten years, you'll change your personal criteria and you'll realize it's not right to choose a partner because she's pretty or she's making you horny. It's right that what's inside that person is more important. Time passes by and the girl everyone wants to have would someday look like a pandesal (filipino bread), believe me.

 

13. "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."

Translation: Sometimes even if it's your schedule you still need to wait, because you're not the priority (true..*sigh*)

 

14. "Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."

Translation: It's difficult to intrude on someone's life. Specially if you are not the leading man on the script she choses.

 

15. "Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

Translation: Do you know how far the distance between two people who has their back to each other? You have to travel around the world for you to get face to face with that person you turned your back to again.

 

16. "Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala"
Translation: It's better to fail for doing something than to succeed on doing nothing

 

*** 17. "Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan"

Translation: Not everything that you can understand is the truth and not all the things that you can't make yourself understand are lies.

 

18. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

Translation: If you have loved someone that you shouldn't and you got hurt don't blame your heart. Your heart beats to supply blood in your body. Now, if you're good at anatomy and you'll blame your hypothalamus instead for controlling your emotions, you're still wrong! Why? For crying out loud, don't blame your body organs for all your angst in life! Remember this: you can only be happy if you will learn to accept that it's not your heart, your brain, liver or intestines who are at fault for all the things that happened to you but YOURSELF!

 

****** 19. "Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa iyo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin ang araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo."

Translation: Let go of the person who causes you pain even if he/she makes you happy. Don't wait for the day that all you feel is pain and that the one who makes you happy already left.

 

20. "Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang mga taong malalapit sa iyo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

Translation: Use your heart to take care of people close to you. Use your brain to take care of yourself. (*sigh* hard hard hard)

 

***21. "Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakatakot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka.."

Translation: Love is like the sewer hole... it's scary to fall... and if you fell, it's either by accident or you're really stupid.. (haha, i like this!)

 

on scary "email"

me : i got an email
friend : do you want me to congratulate you?
me : *rolling eyes*
friend : hello? everyone gets emails every second of the day
me : i got an email from "them"
friend : oh. are you ok? you haven't been crying again are you?
me : geez, no.
friend : so what did they say?
me : haven't read it yet
friend : when did they send it?
me : wednesday night.
friend : i'm surprised you were able to hold it this long.
me : i'm scared to open it
friend : what's there to be scared of? i'm sure no one's invented an email version of anthrax yet
me : *quiet*
friend : c'mon. i'm just trying to be funny. seriously. why dont you want to open it?
me : i'm scared that it would hurt me again.
friend : remember what you told me before? the "don't create problems way in advance"
me : *quiet*
friend : cmon. i know you. you always want to face problems head on and you know that postponing it would just prolong your agony.
me : *sigh* i know they mean well but i'm trying to move on. now here's another email.
friend : this is none of my business. it's your call. i'm sure you'll do the right thing.

it's raining sugar!

ah. first inch of snow. when everything looks like choco crinkles , covered with confectioner's sugar, yummy!

and pretty.

will you marry me?

i was supposed to finish that very long email for my friend but i had to stop when i saw it's already 7:30am and i'm not even halfway done with my kwentos (stories)..... i have to stop or i'll miss my 8am shuttle....so now i'm here at work, i lost the momentum and my train of thoughts so i'm blogging instead......

my morning weekday routines are the same most of the time.....i wake up at 6:30 (if i feel like going to work early) or 7:30 (if i want to get to work just in time)....i wake up 30 minutes earlier than the usual if i wasn't able to take a bath the night before (i take a bath at night)......at exactly 7:55 (or 6:55am) i hop into the elevator, press the L button and drag myself out the building to the shuttle, passing by the conceirge section........... my favorite part in the morning is exchanging good mornings to our shuttle's driver and my favorite conceirge guy before i get inside the shuttle...... because they would always have interesing remarks and they would usually include me on their conversation, either that or i'm eavesdropping, lol.............




will you marry me?

i actually like that part.... when i have to exchange lil chats from those two guys.... the conceirge guy would always tease me about anything, my boots (wow, i like your boots, i bet that looks better on me) , my hair (what's up with the hairstyle?), why am i smiling like crazy (what happened to you?), my packages (why do you always have big packages?), anything! he wouldn't fail to stop me on my way in or out the building and tell me interesting stories....... one day he even surprised me by asking me if i would marry him while i was on my way in....... i started laughing and he was like "why are you laughing? you're supposed to answer"........ that really cracked me up, he's a funny guy and old (around 55, i think)...........



i commited murder

and the shuttle driver, lol, i used to hate him........... the first time i saw him he was looking at me as if i have commited murder and he wouldn't let me in the bus because he said i'm not a devry student (7:20am bus goes to devry university and my office is 7 minutes away from devry university)..... but when we became friends he would let me take the 7:20am bus (there's really no rule that i can't take that bus even if i'm not a student, that shuttle is for all the tenants... he just doesn't want to displace any students) and if he does he would drop me off right infront of my office building, neat! but i don't want to take advantage of that so i don't take the 7:20am bus that often...... i am just not comfortable when people go out of their way to do something for me, i dont want to be an inconvenience.......

anyway....




and this is how i learned to curse...

so that's that..... if i'm not taking the 7:20am shuttle (the shuttle to devry) the shuttle would drop us off at the train station ( 5-8 min drive)....then i'll take the R5 train to take me to fort washington (15 min)........

i usually have a co-worker waiting for us at the train station if i take the 8:15 train........ he usually just picks up J, our receptionist but i tag along......... but if i miss them or if i take the earlier train once i hop off the train there's septa bus waiting and that takes me to work, or close to work (it's a 5-min drive).... after i hop off the bus i still need to walk a good 10 minutes before i get to my office.......... i hate that when it's winter time because i keep worrying that i'd slip on the icy ground and bump my head (i'm crazy as it is but i don't want to intensify that by bumping my head).............. and even if there are no snow i still hate walking when the wind is just cruelly strong and chilly, which by the way, was how i learned how to curse, LOL......... stupid super chilly wind.........




ofcourse free food is like manna from heaven!

once i get to the office, i would go to the restroom first, then walk to my cube, take off my jacket then go to the breakroom to make myself some espresso.... then i'll get swiss miss chocolate from the pantry cabinet, pour it on my espresso then i'll add 4 small cups of half and half and voila! my cappuccino! after which i'll get my thermo mug and get myself ice water..... i specially like it when someone leaves food on the table for everyone in the morning, lol...... what can i do, i love to eat..... that's why i'm having a hard time watching my weight, ugh!

so that's it....my morning routine....



do i really need a car?

now when i go home from work i have a co-worker who lives near me and since we take the 309 and i live right beside it all she had to do is to turn right from 309 stop for a bit (at the gate) to let me out and off she goes....... it usually takes just 15 minutes to get home from the office if i get a ride from that co-worker...... if that co-worker is on leave someone would just volunteer to take us (me and J) to the train station (fort washington) to take the R5 again....... once i got off the train i just have to wait for my apartment shuttle to take me home.... usually, if that's the case, it would take me an hour or so before i can get home because of the waiting time and stuff..... but, it's all good...... that's the reason why i really don't need a car yet......


wow! you got to this part! congratulations....... now, go and take advil or whatever for headache, lol

want some juicy stories?

want some juicy stories?


i thought it's time to share something juicy......

i was tagged again this time by rose

so here are the 7 random facts:

.1. i almost got married year 2002 (nope, no proposals he just suggested it) because of distance problem but we decided to shrug off the idea...

.2. i lit up whenever i buy or receive a new book. the crispier the pages the happier i am...and i freak out when books get creases or have dog-ears

.3. i used to introduced myself as trixia marlin in highschool and i want them to call me trixia but when i started working they call me ayeen (ayeen is a baby-talk version of marlin)

.4. i only had 3 boyfriends in my lifetime.. my first one was when i was in 4th year college (yep, i'm a late bloomer)-lasted for 6 months, 2nd one lasted for 6 years, last one for 5 months

.5. i have an addiction that always gets me in trouble...nope not drugs or weed... stop creasing your forehead, you'll never guess and i won't tell

.6. i like sexy sleep wears (no not lingeries those are TOO sexy, i want just the mildly sexy sleep wears)

.7. you'll see me at fernando poe's batas ng .45 movie and jimmy santos' robin good movie...but i haven't seen them, i'm too embarrassed to watch it, but my friends did (oh, i want those DVDs for christmas, lol)

are you crazy? you're making it easier for them

friend : any news?
me : about?
friend : you know..that thing you've been crying your eyes out for more than a week
me : oh. that.
friend : so? what happened? are you getting anything?
me : nope.
friend : WHAT!? why?
me : because i don't want to
friend : are you crazy? you're making it easier for them.
me : *shrugs* it doesn't matter
friend : atleast give them a hard time. you have all the right to demand.
me : *shrugs*
friend : you need the money. you know that.
me : well yeah. but i'll manage.
friend : pride
me : whatever
friend : i still don't understand
me : do you know the story about king solomon and the baby w/ 2 mothers claiming the baby?
friend : yeah. what about?
me : duh
friend : oh. hmpf. you're being melodramatic.
me : lol. c'mon. you're no fun. i need some happy thoughts to cope up.
friend : but still. i think that's not a smart thing to do.
me : we all have our principles. so just shut it, ok. i don't want to talk about it.
friend : that's crazy
me : *sigh* you won't understand.
friend : you're crazy
me : instead of calling me crazy. why dont you just help me think of a good name. all the good .coms are gone.
friend : names for?
me : *explains for 30 min*
friend : oh!
me : *quiet*
friend : wow.
me : *still quiet*
friend : damn.

on mysterious offline messages and christmas tree

i was worrying about my cellphone yesterday but today is an uneventful saturday.

i woke up early. i blame it on my internal clock. but atleast i was able to do my laundry. last weekend was so busy that i wasn't able to load anything to the washing machine so now my hamper is overflowing w/ dirty clothes and towels.

i took advantage of my morning energy so i started putting up my first christmass tree. i promised myself last year that i would get myself a christmas tree this time for my apartment. i missed having christmas decors at home ever since papa decided not to be a catholic anymore and he joined another religion. a religion that my parents desperately want me to join. one that won't allow you to cut your hair (it doesnt matter if it reach the ground) and won't allow women to wear anything but skirts. and women are not allowed to wear accesories.

que horror!

ok. ok. that's exaggerating. but me? i,who can't resist shorts and short anime skirts? i, who who feels naked if i don't have any earrings on? are you kidding me?! and besides, i'm pretty sure when i died God or St. Peter or whoever is on duty at the gates of heaven that time (well, assuming i'm going to heaven) would not deny me entrance just because i didn't wear my hair long enough or because i was showing my legs the whole time while i was still alive. i'm sure the first thing "they" will ask me is if i did something good.

anyway, enough of religion. that is always a sensitive topic. try to listen to our conversations with my dad or mom about catholic vs their religion and you'll see what i mean. you'll also see how my eyes would roll so many times that it's enough to give power energy to my whole baranggay (translation: village). and if you want to make me mad in just 5 minutes, turn the channel to where "basa!" (translation: read) is mentioned oh-so many times.

ofcourse i got carried away again.

so, back to the chrismas tree.. my christmas tree is set up. it's a simple 4 feet white tree with christmas lights already attached to it. i bought some christmas tree decors a month ago. i bought them from michael's arts and craft store  while most people were busy buying halloween decors and while my friend is snickering behind my back while i put my christmas decor hunts at the counter because i'm weird that way. anyway, after the putting up the christmas tree, which didnt take me an hour, i juggled the rest of my saturday between sleeping and reading eclipse while i do my laundry.

hmm...what else....

i had an intriguing offline messages a week ago. i was trying to get hold of the sender but to no avail. i wonder what happened to that meeting. i just can't for the life of me remember when that is. i just know it's tuesday (note to self: remember that offline messages doesn't get saved in ym's archive). maybe they changed their mind to include me. which is ok. i mean after all the melodramatic emails i sent them, they have all the right to not include me. besides, i have better plans alhough i'm not sure if they would like it. no. i'm not taking revenge. that's very immature. i just want to continue doing what i have started. i may need to start at the bottom again but i'll climb my way up. slowly but surely. i don't give up easily. i'm pretty much that passionate when it comes to the things i like/love.

speaking of love.

i have never met such selfish person in my life. who just wants to receive but not give. i'm still hatching up ways on how to get away from that person's charm. that person's charm is so intoxicating and cunning that all reason fly out the window when i'm around that person. so many times i have tried to leave but i can't. i know why that's the case. i fail to listen to that one important message that would save me from this drowning nonsense. as simon and garfunkle puts it: a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.  

oh well, that's enough babbling for now. i'm on my way to manila bay . my friend's band is playing there tonight. and i think i want my dose of pinatubo (that's how they call their liempo).

p.s.
"friend" is sick.
he wants to come over
(he usually does on weekends).
i want him to
but he's the reason why i got sick the last time so no.

 

editted: parang naghubo't-hubad na ako sa harap mo

(basahin mo ulit baka sakaling matuwa ka)

pag sinabi kong gusto kong mag-lamyerdang mag-isa
o tumambay mag-isa sa apartment ko.
at ayokong lumabas.
at ayokong may bisita.
ibig talagang sabihin loner ako?
anti-social?

di ba pwedeng gusto ko lang magmuni-muni minsan.
at gusto ko lang ng quality time para sa sarili ko?

pag ba malunkot ka
at nage-emote
ibig sabihin self-pity na yun?

di ba pwedeng nalulungkot ako kasi malungkot ako

pag ba sinabi kong nami-miss kong may ka-hold hands
o katabing nanonood ng tv
ibig bang sabihin self-pity na yun?

di ba pwedeng nami-miss ko lang talaga ung ganun?

 

para sa kin nde self-pity un.
kasi nde naman ako naaawa sa sarili ko.
hindi naman sa nagbubuhat ako ng buong living room set.
o ng toilet bowl.
at vain na kung vain.
kahit paano medyo mataas naman ng konti ang tingin ko sa sarili ko.
medyo meron ako na wala ka
alam mo un kung ano.
(maaring nangangarap lang ako. pero pagbigyan mo na ko) 
(kung gusto mong magreklamo sa sinabi ko. sumulat ka sa sarili mong blog)

alam ko binubulong mo.
"ang yabang naman"
opinion mo yan so hindi kita itatapon sa kumukulong kulangot dahil jan
pero i'm just proving a point

eto corny na naman to.
ready ka na?
i have so much blessings
kahit na buhol-buhol ang ibang aspeto ng buhay ko
meron pa rin akong dapat pasalamatan
kaya hindi ko kelangan mag-self pity.
isa pa. ang haba kaya ng hair ko!
(joke lang. pinapatawa lang kita)
(sige sumuka ka muna.antayin kita)

 

napaisip lang ako.
may kanya-kanya talaga tayong interpretations.
pero wag kang mag-alala.
ayos lang. ako rin minsan pinagiisipan kita ng masama.
iba rin nagiging conclusion ko sa mga page-emote mo.
may sarili kang utak.
kaya may sarili ka ring opinion sa mga bagay-bagay.

magkaiba tayo ng upbringing.
magkaiba tayo ng naging experiences sa buhay
kaya iba-iba tayo ng reactions sa mga bagay-bagay.
magkaiba tayo pano natin i-handle ang sitwasyon.

kaya tingnan mo praning ang tingin mo sa kin
praning din ang tingin ko sa yo.
pero hopefully, mag-meet tayo half way.
pero parang trip ko ata kung bigyan mo ako ng benefit of the doubt
tulad ng binibigay ko sa yo.

 

kakambyo ako.
3rd gear.




sana pede kitang makausap ng matino (matino ka ako ang hindi).
yung lahat-lahat gano pa man ka-jologs at ka-corny at ka-tonto, at ka-eww pede kong sabihin sa yo.
kaso hindi pwede e.
malihim ako e.
kaya puro fragments lang tong nise-share ko.
kelangan vague lagi.

sorry. di lang talaga ako ganun ka-open.
takot kasi akong ma-misinterpret nang mas lalo e.
kaya vague. yun ang keyword. vague lang dapat lagi.

wag mo namang i-personal.
mahirap lang talaga akong mag-open ng buong-buo.
pag ginawa ko yun parang naghubo't-hubad na ako sa harap mo. 
o diba napa-yuck ka.
kakayanin ba ng powers mo.

kaya bayaan na lang natin ng konti lang.
vague lang.
gist lang.
pahapyaw.
hindi mo naman ikamamatay yun pag hindi ko sinabi.

minsan ego lang naman nyan.
feeling mo hindi kita pinagkakatiwalaan.
di ba kakasabi ko lang.
na wag mong personalin?
ang kulit talaga ng lahi mo.
pero loves pa rin kita kasi friendship tayo.
kahit pano nadi-dig mo pa rin ako.
kahit alam ko minsan gusto mo na ako tirisin.


may bago akong favorite song.
i-play nyo un pag wala na ako sa mundong to.
nasa bahay ang burned CD.
marlin's lullubye ang label.

yan ka na naman.
pinagiisipan mo na naman ako ng masama.
wala akong balak.
sinasabi ko lang.
lahat tayo mapupunta dun.
sa kin matagal pa.
kasi masamang damo daw ako sabi ng isa kong kaibigan.

disclaimer:
wag kang vain.
hindi ikaw to.
hindi lang ikaw ang kaibigan ko.


disclaimer ulit:
at hindi ako galit.
nagti-trip lang na naman ako.

disclaimer na naman:
hindi rin ako defensive.


p.s.
pusang siopao.
bakit ba ako nage-explain.
e kahit ano sabihin ko
iisipin mo pa rin kung ano gusto mong isipin
so bahala ka.
malaki ka na.

edward cullen (of twilight) aka cedric diggory (of harry potter) is here??!!

*phone rings*

me: too late, i'm now in the office
friend: yeah, i know....sorry
me: hmpf.
friend: *lol* hey, aren't you going to king of prussia
me: king of prussia? why would i want to go there?
friend:  twilight
me: what are you talking about....it doesn't play until the 21st
friend: *chuckles*  the main guy cast (Robert Pattinson) is going there to meet the fans
me: what? argh! are you taking me there?
friend: i can't. im on my way to baltimore
me: *roll eyes* tease! you shouldn't have told me this.!
friend: *lol* sorry..i just heard it from q102.... they said there's a very long line there already......mostly girls...
me: i hate you...
friend: *lol*

me: i'm buying my tickets at fandango now....for twilight on the 21st...will you come with me?
friend: sure..
me: promise? block your schedule please..
friend: i'll block my schedule for 21st....
me: good...i won't forgive you if you cancel on me *lol*
friend: *lol* alright. alright.


yep, i'm super excited.....
i'm always excited for:

- new harry potter movies
- new chronicles of narnia movies
- and now twilight!


here's the news that my friend is talking about:
'Twilight' Star Headed To King Of Prussia Mall

 

feeling bitter and defeated (an open/unsent letter)

feeling bitter and defeated (an open/unsent letter)

i cringe whenever i read love stories lately or watch romance movies......

because i just think of you everytime and i would find myself daydreaming.......
you know, corny stuff like you holding my hands while we walk by the shore....or you and me just lying in a meadow, both our hands on our heads while looking at the sky.......
or just you looking at me like i am the most precious thing that has ever happened to you
and ofcourse, i dream of you saying those 3 corny words....

and it doesn't help that as soon as i'm done thinking of all these i would also end up shaking my head  feeling bitter and defeated.....

i wish i can wish that i should have never done what i did....... but i'm not one for  regretting the decisions i made, atleast i try not to, no matter how stupid most of my decisions are....... because i'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.......

i'm just thinking....... maybe i met you to teach me a lesson on patience and trust.......... so when the one born for me comes along, i'm a better person....... and maybe i came along to teach you that being truly brave means you're not afraid to be vulnerable, that true love still exists.........

maybe.....

 

saddest song

tonight.

i'll be singing the saddest song i could find in my magic sing.

*sniff*

seriously, something is wrong w/ my fuckin' ventromedial prefrontal....
i never learn....

*blows nose*

travelling solo is pathetic?

me: i'm going to california, yep, alone
friend: what?!! why? are you a loner?

you should have seen my friend's face...... does it really sound pathetic to travel alone?

ofcourse i enjoy travelling with lots of people, with my friends but i just don't like it when i have to depend and wait for my friends schedules to clear up just so i could travel...........  nah-uh........ travelling is my elixir of life so if i feel like travelling i'll go with or w/o companion........

honestly, i'm not scared and i really don't mind travelling all by myself.........this is not the first time i travelled alone so it's really no biggie for me........ no, i'm not being anti-social again but i do like the feeling of doing things on my own without having to bother anyone...... i feel more accomplished that way....... some just don't understand........

just give me google, my camera and my credit card and i'm good to go....

they won't call me a traveholic for nothing....

 

octavina? what in the world is that?

i was looking for an octavina at ebay and i was surprised to see one for $152. i nearly fainted. that's 7,297.52 in philippine peso and that doesn't even include the shipping fee ($88 *gasp*).

here's where i found it

octavina is a special philippine instrument. it looked like a small guitar but it has 16 strings. and you play it like you do with a piano. per note.

i used to play banduria and octavina when i was in highschool until i graduated college and had my first job. i was part of the rondalla group in don bosco makati and we usually play for the children's morning mass. i kinda missed playing octavina so i thought of buying one. the normal price of an octavina is around Php1,000 - 1500 and there's no way i'll buy that 7,000 worth of octavina.

so i guess i'll just have to wait until someone is patient enough to carry along this instrument from the philippines to the u.s. eherm. alve? LOL

for the curious, here's a video of how it sounds and how it's played --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBv9yezkCcQ

and here's a sample of how you can incorporate the banduria/octavina in a band--> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJLa-U8Eo5M

 

can't wait for twilight!

can't wait for twilight!

http://www.twilightthemovie.com/

it opens on november 21.

and i can't wait for my books 3 and 4 (eclipse and breaking dawn)...

i found cheap copies from ebay....

the story of my first born...

she was there when "she" was just an atom.
when "she" was just a tiny little thing being talked about while 3 excited lips sat on a couch in a mall with a mega.
she was one of those munching french fries at mikidies - El P with her eyes lit up like the other two pair of eyes while they talk about the baby.

then finally the baby was conceived. "she" was conceived. 3 moms conceived her. she was one of the 3.
she was one of those racking her brains thinking of a good name for her to pass the f.s. master.
she was with "her" to say yes that they need two more help.
there at an office with printers and a/c buzzing.

she was with "her" when she was just a baby and taking her baby steps.
she was there to conceptualize "her" first wave.
and she's so proud "she" turned out to be a charming little girl.
everybody loves "her". everybody adores her.

b
u
t

but she can't be with "her" anymore when she becomes a full grown lady.
she wanted to so bad because "she" is her baby.

she almost had one before. but it died in her womb.
"she" is her first born.
and "she" means so much to her. so much.

so much that it hurts...

but all she can do now is watch "her" from a distance.
but she'll be alright.
she just prays that somehow, someday, she'll open her heart again for a new baby.

accuweather for a bad hair day forecast?

interesting.....

i'm a fan of accuweather.... i never leave home, specially during cold days, w/o looking at accuweather.com because they dictate my wardrobe of the day, lol.....
and this is the first time i saw the frizz index..... i mean, there's athritis index and humidity and UV index....but i was surprised to see the frizz index..... as in really, they're concern not just about bad weather but also about bad hair day.... coolness! (lol, im shallow)

click the image for bigger picture....

don't you sometimes feel so sad it's insane?

don't you sometimes feel so sad it's insane?
that's how i feel.

simple things like looking at my officemate's wedding photos in china (weddings makes me sad lately), passing by a travel agency office on my way to work, thinking of someone, thinking of my dad, thinking of leaving everything and just go back home, seeing my officemates cute babies...... all these make me sad....

and the only person who can make me happy is contributing to my plethora of heartbreaks.....

oh well, c'est la vie.......

p.s.
stephanie meyer is my bestfriend right now.
she keeps me busy.
i just finished her 2nd book
and just ordered book 3 and 4.

on being sick and calling 911

on being sick and calling 911

i'm sick.

for the first time here in the U.S.

w/o my dad to take care of me...

looks like the flu shot i had 2 weeks ago doesn't work for me anymore. i feel like crap. my joints hurt. my head's throbbing. and my throat feels like it has incision. too hard to swallow. it's that time of the year that everyone got sick and i got this from a friend.

i just wish this wouldnt go as far as being sent to the E.R. getting sick back home usually ended up me having asthma attacks and winding up in the E.R. *shudders* who's gonna take me to the E.R.? im living all by myself. call 911? oh boy.

happy birthday to me!

technically not yet (bday is on december) but i got two birthday presents this week.... can you believe that? i'm always amazed how some unexpected things happened to make me happy when i'm most down......

the advance birthday presents i got?

one is from my friend joy, a duet remote microphone for my magic sing (filipinos love karaoke) ..... now i don't have to wrestle with my friends over a microphone when we do karaoke at home, lol....

the other one is from my friend alve....she gave me a gift card from moshulu ! now all i need is a date, hmm....

thank you, thank you so much! mwah!

i'm a sucker for any happy thoughts right now, really........

one quick and painful death...

one quick and painful death...

it's hard to accept that your dream was taken away from you -- again........ and that you only have 3 days left to enjoy that dream........ no warning, no whatsoever....... just a hard, quick, painful death.......

... i dont' want to be so uberly melodramatic.... i have said my piece to them and i guess that's enough....... it was a hard decision for them to make also and i'm sorry i made it even more difficult........ i know i'm a handful it's just hard not to exercise my freedom of speech...... but dont' worry, i won't try to force myself into something that i'm not welcome......

we all get crossroads in our life...... if we find ourselves not looking at the same direction, if we found ourselves not on the same page...... if we found ourselves being "let go" or being kicked out to the curb there's nothing left to do but to let go....... there are battles not worth fighting........ because it would be like picking up pieces of a broken mirror...... the more you bend down and try to get the broken pieces and put them together the more you'll hurt yourself in the process........

2nd time. 2nd time that i failed. it feels like im in that office again. facing that man, while i so desperately tried to fight my tears while he tells me "i'm sorry miss, i can't give you the permit"........... it feels like it's that day again that the janitress was looking at me weird inside the elevator because i was crying.........


right now, i pray for patience..... for humility...... for understanding..... i pray that i may learn to forgive--fast..... i pray that i would stop looking back and to stop feeling bitter and instead just move on.......

gb tf.

i wish..

i wish..

....i could stop crying...

sometimes my temper is connected to my tear ducts....

another rejection...

... i dont' want to be so uber melodramatic.... i have said my piece to them and i guess that's enough....... it was a hard decision for them to make also and i'm sure they're aware that if there's one person who'll give them a hard time that would be me...... i'm sorry, i know i'm a handful but i just know how to exercise my right...... but dont' worry, i won't try to force myself into something that i'm not welcome......

we all get crossroads in our life...... if we find ourselves not looking at the same direction, if we found ourselves not on the same page...... if we found ourselves being "let go" there's nothing left to do but to let go....... there are battles not worth fighting........ because it would be like picking up pieces of a broken mirror...... the more you bend down and try to get the broken pieces and put them together the more you'll hurt yourself in the process........

right now, i pray for patience..... for humility...... for understanding..... i pray that i would stop looking back and to stop feeling bitter..... that i should instead just move on.......

everything happens for a reason.......

everything
happens
for
a
reason

hibernate..

i plan to hibernate for a month.....

i have to.... or i swear i'll lose my mind.....

i need to renew "me"....

please include me in your prayers....

go phillies!

go phillies!

i think i'm their lucky charm....they've been winning since i came in philly to live...hahaha... just kidding!

i have to wear my phillies shirt, hmm....

photos taken from http://philadelphia.phillies.mlb.com

you know you gotta make up your mind

another song moment.......

The One You Love- Glenn Frey

I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love, there's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do

I heard you on the phone, you took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy, the guy who left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you blue?

When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

What you gonna say when he comes over?
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams, all the disappointment
Oh girl, what you gonna do?

Your heart keeps sayin' it's just not fair
But still you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

cooking moment: baby back ribs and mushroom a la teriyaki

i'm trying to experiment marinading and cooking with wine and this is my first attempt.....

recipe here --> Baby_back_ribs_and_mushroom_a_la_teriyaki

i shouldn't depend my happiness from other people...

one of my friends here blogged about how lonely it could be sometimes realizing that you don't have someone to hold hands with just because..... or someone who would look you in the eyes and that glance would tell you everything without even saying the most used three words.... how lonely it is not to have someone to tell your daily angst or how happy you are that day or someone to just sit side by side with without any of you speaking a word but just knowing that person's presence makes that moment complete......

i know it too well......

you have friends, ofcourse, but that wouldn't give you that emotional satisfaction...... that feeling of being loved and cared for.......... friendship love is different...... if you've been inlove and been loved by a special someone you should know what i mean.....

i told myself that i should never ask for anybody else's approval............ i should do things because i know i want that and not because i want to impress anyone........... i know i shouldn't be begging for someone who would tell me "if i just lay here will you lie with me and just forget the world"......... that would sound as if i'm hopelessly want to find someone who would satisfy my egotistic cravings............. it's like im depending my happiness on finding that someone because i need that someone's affirmation, because i need to feel i am important, that i'm being cared for, that that someone loves me.......... insecurity sucks and it's never my thing.............. i should feel complete even if i don't have someone i could exchange passionate kisses with............ i hate the feeling that i feel lonely just because there's no one who would look into my eyes and tell me how beautiful i am or how he loves me that he would do anything for me.............. it just bothers me that i need a special someone because i feel lonely.......... i don't like depending on other people......... i don't like to sound like a complete parasite..........

i know i shouldn't be rushing things and that my time would come............ but what i want my brain cells to digest that being alone shouldn't define me........... i should feel complete whatever........... i'm self-sufficient most of the time and it irks me that i feel helpless whenever i think of my situation........... i hate that............. i dont like feeling that i need other people to make me happy........... because i know if i depend on other people for my happiness i would always be disappointed................. i know what your argument for me would be, that we need other people, that disappointment is part of living our life on earth.......... fuck that.......... i want as few disappointments as humanly possible and i wouldn't allow anyone to dictate how i should live my life............. ofcourse i know i need people but i don't want to always live for other people............. i should know where the fine line of dependency with other people starts and end.................

if i just lay here..will you lie w/ me and just forget the world

love this song......

chasing cars
by snow patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

is this the sight i want to see every morning..

from my notebook: dated sept 21, 2008

i would hear muffled roar of traffic and most of the time i find myself standing infront of my window, my arms spread wide, holding on to each side of the frame. while i look outside in that position it feels like as if i'm holding a piece of the outside world. all the trees, part of 309, the rooftops, my neighbors windows outlined on the glass between my two bare hands.

is this the sight i want to see every morning? or every night before i go to sleep?

ofcourse i still miss home. but somehow, i find peace in being all by myself. anti social? no. more like i'm loving my independence.

if i were a boy ..

If I Were A Boy Lyrics
by beyonce

If I were a boy
I could just turn off my phone
and tell that its broken
so she’ll think
that I was sleeping alone
i’d put myself first
and make the rules as I go
cause i know that
she’ll be faithful
waiting for me to come home
if I were a boy
I think that I’d understand
how it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
cause i know how it hurts
when you loose the one you wanted
cause he’s taken you for granted
and everything you had got destroyed!

grrr

hindi na talaga...

hinding-hinding-hindi na..

leche.

hurt your ego..

sometimes i ask.....

do we cry over lost love (or atleat we thought we love) because we really love that someone or because it hurt our ego...

all ego hates rejection....

and all ego wants to feel that he/she's special....

think abou it......

debt = death

for the next 3-4 years...

that means bye-bye to car shopping..

*sigh*

no car for me..

looks like i can't get a car for the next 2-3 years to take care of a more "pressing" problem......

*sigh*

i'm in big trouble

...and i don't have money....

why me?

obliviousness is bliss.....

no, this is not synanimous to rudeness or being inconsiderate or simply put "selfishness"......

this is acknowledging that bad things happen and learning to accept the negative everyday going ons of your life with a shrug.............. it is knowing that you are smart enough to know not to sweat the small stuff................ that "those things" are part of "growing up" and that the best thing to do is, well, yeah, you can mourn over it a little (psychologically speaking, it's not healthy to suppressed negative emotions), then charge it to experience, stand up, wiggle that butt and pat those dust away and step forward.............

don't you find it draining to brood over negative things for so long? i do...... and i find it irritating sometimes when i hear people complain about something that happened for 2 or more years ago....... i mean, is this your way of soliciting pity? do you think brooding over the nasty thing that happened in the past for a decade would undo things? ofcourse, not......

don't waste your time feeling sorry for yourself because it won't undo things.......
don't waste your time recalling the "nasty" things that had hurt you big time, it won't undo things......
don't waste your time thinking of the might have beens and could have beens, it won't undo things.....

yes, it's a waste of time and it would just make you all the more miserable............. so grow up and shrug it off........... stop sulking, get yourself together, throw away things that drive you nuts, plan your next move and thank the One above for the things that you have and for the new lessons He taught you and move on........ i know, i know, it's easier said than done but you always have a choice of choosing to be happy or to choose to be freaking mad at the universe the whole time.....

as for me, i just always sing these lines: "que sera, sera, whatever will be will be...the future's now ours to see...que sera, sera" ............ bow my head in prayer, talk to Him and say "You're my true north, my super GPS, you can recalculate my route whenever i chose the wrong road.... i know You have better plans for me and that everything happens for a reason..... but i'm weak and i'm lifting all my worries to You because i can't do this on my own and without You i am nothing..."

yeah, yeah, i know...... it sounded corny, but it works for me....... try it.....

this is awesome-ness!

it's still on their beta mode but they have very good info and they're much easier to use than kbb.com plus they give you how much your car would cost after certain milleage....

nice!

http://www.driverside.com

september 24

september 24, 2008
between 6:00-7:00pm

there.... i just want to remember that....

p.s.
if you know what i'm talking about, shush!

on reading other people's codes...

i hate reading other people's codes!

it's driving me crazy

and each click of the mouse to go to the next line and each stop on breakpoints is making me sleepy...

you're buying someone else's problem...

"don't buy it!  you're buying someone else's problem! "
"4th owner? there's a reason why they kept selling it"
"are you willing to pay for the remainder of your loan if that car died on you after a year?"

that's what my co-workers/friends told me when i told them about the SUVs im thinking of getting....... added the fact that the rav4 had an accident back in 2002 (the car is cursed, accdg to someone, i thought that was funny)........

there were 4 out of 6 who told me not to buy the rav4 (or any old car)....... and one of them knows about car engines and i even showed them the car fax--they're not impressed...........  they said i'm better off leasing..... i can lease an SUV w/ the same budget that i set for myself......... plus i dont have to worry about other stuff, just oil change, brakes and tires........ other maintenance stuff, the leasing company takes care of.......

i have the check from my bank already, i got it this morning, payable to that dealership where i'm getting the 1999 rav4........... all i have to do is drive there give them the check, do some paper work and that's it........ but now, i'm having 2nd thoughts......

i mean, i am thinking of getting a "real" car (read: newer) once my greencard gets approved.....the problem is, will i be able to sell my old car (the rav4) when that time comes? atleast if it's a leased vehicle if i decided to go back to the philippines it's easy to return the car (yes, i'm still thinking of going back home sometimes)......... and if i decided to stay i can buy that leased vehicle (only newer models are for lease) or i can exchange it with a newer or other model that fits my fantasy (and budget ofcourse) then decide if i want to buy it........ it's like testing the water....... another thing is, it bothers me to think about getting stuck w/ the same old vehicle for 4 years (that's my loan term) that means after i'm done paying off my car loan my rav4 would be 13 years old and who would buy that junk? ....... here's another thing,  i'm getting an old car what if it died on me after a year? i still have to pay for the 3 remaining years of my auto loan.............. but for lease, i can take it back to the shop and get another one........... so yeah, leasing is really getting more and more attractive to me....... the lease-to-own, that is........

argh! let's see what i'll have in mind tomorrow...... i hate myself, sometimes......i can't freaking make up my mind...

 

to buy or not to buy a car.... not?

there's 4 out of two who told me not to buy the rav4....... and one of them knows about car engines....

i have the check already..... all i have to do is send it to the dealership..... but i'm having 2nd thoughts.....

the thought of being stuck w/ the same old vehicle for 4 years (that's my loan terms) scares me....... plus the fact that i'm getting an old car and if it died on me after a year i still have to pay for that car for 3 years.......

i hate mysef, sometimes......i can't freaking make up my mind...

auto loan

i just have my auto loan approved..... i also have already talked to my insurance agent..... after computing for my monthly dues (monthly auto loan dues + monthly insurance) i found out it's even below my max budget, woot!

i'm getting the rav4...

here's the actual photo of the 1999 rav4 that i'm "thinking" of getting.... and the one below it is a stock photo of the 1996 pathfinder...

i'm dying to---

i'm dying to redecorate my bedroom.... i really want a very low bed, sort of a minimalist look......i want it to look like any of these...

and i want these coffee tables so bad!

on magic sing and magic songs and carpenters....

i love carpenters...... because they're songs are easy to sing, lol.......

last monday i received a package from my friend in north carolina..... he just got back from his 3-week visit in the philippines and while he was there i asked him if he could buy me a tagalog #3 chip for my magic sing...... and last night, God bless my neighbors, i sang my heart out after i got home from work and i dunno why, but this song made me teary-eyed...... what the fart! i hate being a cry baby.........

The hardest thing I've ever done is keep believing
There's someone in this crazy world for me
The way that people come and go thru temporary lives
My chance could come and I might never know


I used to say no promises, lets keep it simple
But freedom only helps you say good-bye
It took a while for me to learn that nothing comes for free
The price Ive paid is high enough for me


(*) I know I need to be in love
I know Ive wasted too much time
I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world
And fool enough to think thats what Ill find


So here I am with pockets full of good intentions
But none of them will comfort me tonight
I'm wide awake at four a.m. without a friend in sight
Hanging on a hope but Im alright

pinoy's words of wisdom--daw!

thanks erns for sharing..

6 tips for a happier life:

1) Lahat ng problema may solusyon , kapag walang solusyon,
huwag mong problemahin.

2) Always remember - kung kaya ng iba, ipagawa mo sa
kanila ,bakit mo papagurin ang sarili mo?

3) Hindi lahat ng gwapo may girlfriend , ang iba sa kanila
may boyfriend.

4) Di bale nang tamad di naman pagod.

5) Practice makes perfect , but nobody is perfect so
don't practice.

6) Don't face your problem if your problem is your
face

buying a car update

friend A: so, when do you want to go to turnersville? they have very good deals there...you can even drive one w/o a downpayment...
me: i want my rav4
friend A: i'm sure they have one..just tell me when...let's ask mark to come with us...he might know something about engines

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

friend B: you know what you can do? hold off for another 2 months...because 2009s are coming out and once that come out the dealership would drop down their prices for old ones and usually it's name your price.....
me: hmmm....

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

friend C: so, have you decided yet? when are you buying?
me: one of my friends told me to hold off for 2 months because i might get better deals for old rav4s because 2009s are coming out..
friend C: that's probably a good idea.....
me: yeah..
friend C: the problem is, i know you, can you still hold off for another 2 months?
me: good question, lol

i won this baby!!

*dancing w/ joy*

ok...ok.... backgrounder....

once upon a time, lol..... my friends and i went to franklin mills outlet mall and went inside sam ash store....... the first thing i check out when im inside a music store are guitars, so off i went to that section....... ofcourse there are lots really good guitars but being the cheapskate that i am, i'm still hoping i'll find something cheap but still good.......

and i found this --> http://guitars.musiciansfriend.com/product/Takamine-GS330S-Acoustic-Guitar?sku=516304

it's a takamine gs330s.......... it just plays so beautifully, no scratch that, it is awesome! it was price 50% off because it has a crack on the front panel........ i could have bought it right then and there but my friend told me not to......... to sleep it over and if i still want it then that's the time i should get it........ i followed his suggestion and a month after i still want it! i went again to the same store with my other friends and i was surprised that the guitar is still there....... i asked again for my friend's opinion and while they too are impressed they're not sold on the fact that it has crack.......

and then last week, at ebay i saw "my" guitar again......... so i bid and got it...........it's made in taiwan (they say takamine that's taiwan made is better than korean, i dont have proofs for this though)......... it's in very mint condition and comes with a hard case..........

i'm excited!!!

p.s.
here's that guitar --> http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MEWNX:IT&item=120302738553

rants about multiply sellers...

it's nice how now you can buy whatever you want by just sitting infront of your computer, the only drawback is you won't be able to try them on and see if the size is right or if it looks good on you but that's not what i want to rant about......

i've dealt with a handful of multiply sellers....... they know who they are...... and they know that i'm a prompt payer and that i mean what i say......... meaning, when i say i want this item i mean i REALLY want that item and i'll pay for it (even if i have to close my eyes when it's time to compute for the U.S. shipping fee from manila)........ and most of the time i would order not just 1 thing because i dont want to waste money on shipping fee for a less than a pound merchandise.......

anyway, what irks me is, there are some sellers who:

1. doesn't give updates of your orders
i really want to know if my orders arrived already (from wherever in the world you bought them from)........... or that if it didnt arrive on the date you specified on your website, the seller should be polite enough to tell the buyers what happened......... i hate waiting for nothing......

2. they keep telling you your orders are out of stock after you already paid 50% of your orders
and they would just tell you they have uploaded photos of their new items and if you could just please look for a replacement for the out of stock items........ if it's just one item then, yeah, ok, i could deal with that, i'm not a difficult person............... but for 50% of your ordered items, darn! you gotta be kidding me! i mean, i just feel cheated........ and i'm starting to wonder if that item really exists in the first place and they just post it there to lure you into ordering and paying just tell you later on, "oops, sorry, out of stock" .................. and they will shove to you what they really have........... ofcourse, "out of stock" happens........ and i know some sellers don't buy stuff unless someone really orders that item because they don't want to end up paying for items that would end up sitting on their boxes for months and months til end of time but please, have the decency to check the items with your suppliers a few times before asking your buyers for downpayment..........

3. they don't reply to your emails
ok, i could wait...... i know your busy...... i'll wait..... but i can only wait for a week.......... i'm not a very patient person, just so you know........

i'm sure you wouldn't care about my rants.......... i'm just one person and you can always have buyers.......... buyers who are in the philippines and more easy to deal with............

fine..........

but i'm just telling, please give respect to your buyers......... without us you won't have business.......... oh, and there's such thing as "word of the mouth"........