one of my friends here blogged about how lonely it could be sometimes realizing that you don't have someone to hold hands with just because..... or someone who would look you in the eyes and that glance would tell you everything without even saying the most used three words.... how lonely it is not to have someone to tell your daily angst or how happy you are that day or someone to just sit side by side with without any of you speaking a word but just knowing that person's presence makes that moment complete......
i know it too well......
you have friends, ofcourse, but that wouldn't give you that emotional satisfaction...... that feeling of being loved and cared for.......... friendship love is different...... if you've been inlove and been loved by a special someone you should know what i mean.....
i told myself that i should never ask for anybody else's approval............ i should do things because i know i want that and not because i want to impress anyone........... i know i shouldn't be begging for someone who would tell me "if i just lay here will you lie with me and just forget the world"......... that would sound as if i'm hopelessly want to find someone who would satisfy my egotistic cravings............. it's like im depending my happiness on finding that someone because i need that someone's affirmation, because i need to feel i am important, that i'm being cared for, that that someone loves me.......... insecurity sucks and it's never my thing.............. i should feel complete even if i don't have someone i could exchange passionate kisses with............ i hate the feeling that i feel lonely just because there's no one who would look into my eyes and tell me how beautiful i am or how he loves me that he would do anything for me.............. it just bothers me that i need a special someone because i feel lonely.......... i don't like depending on other people......... i don't like to sound like a complete parasite..........
i know i shouldn't be rushing things and that my time would come............ but what i want my brain cells to digest that being alone shouldn't define me........... i should feel complete whatever........... i'm self-sufficient most of the time and it irks me that i feel helpless whenever i think of my situation........... i hate that............. i dont like feeling that i need other people to make me happy........... because i know if i depend on other people for my happiness i would always be disappointed................. i know what your argument for me would be, that we need other people, that disappointment is part of living our life on earth.......... fuck that.......... i want as few disappointments as humanly possible and i wouldn't allow anyone to dictate how i should live my life............. ofcourse i know i need people but i don't want to always live for other people............. i should know where the fine line of dependency with other people starts and end.................
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