still in europe

uk
belgium
luxembuorg
switzerland
leichtenstein
austria
monaco
italy
france

birthday in london
christmas in rome
new year's in paris

thank you Lord for the blessings....

under the saya

 

dear xyz.

simula ng nagka-gf ka naging hater ka na. what happened?

eto pa, you  dont know how to stand up for yourself anymore.

naging under the  saya ka na.

 

you weren't like that before. you are your own man. you can't just be pushed around. pero ngayon parang takot na takot ka. oo  ka na lang ng oo.

 

pero buhay mo yan. tsaka yeah, people change.

 

ingat lang. you might lose the real you that the next time we see you baka hindi ka na namin makilala.

 

if you can’t handle me at my worst

If you can’t handle me at my worst....

..... you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.

-Marylin Monroe (via ihatequotes)

i like that....it actually kinda makes sense.... it would filter out those people with bad intentions....

i'm abandoning my multiply site

... i don't like what multiply is doing with my photos...it looked pixelized and distorted... and to think i have a premium account... i might start to abandon this site and go back to flickr...

my flickr account is photoholic : http://www.flickr.com/photoholic

(yes, i named travel factor's photoholic trips after my flickr user name)

wish list 2010

yep! it's that time of the year again.... i know i can't have all these but it's always fun to make a list... i'll start adding on this list starting today....

(in no particular order)

1. wii fit with board
2. kindle
3. new gps (with junction view, public transportation, pedestrian)
4. or gps map update
5. ymca membership
6. car paint
7. sb flash (doesn't matter if its an old model or not)
8. newest itouch
9. new mattress
10. an eagle's desean jackson jersey - female size
11. a phillies' cliff lee jersey (i know cliff lee's with the rangers but im hoping there's still some left from last year) - female size

geek alert : on *bleeping* unicode

i was trying not to get aneurysym because of this unicode stuff and i have been pulling my hair out trying to figure out what the heck is going on..... why the japanese character i have typed in on my jsp gets saved as some mangled value on oracle.... and why correct unicode values on oracle doesn't get displayed correctly on my jsp...... i would come home seething with fury because of frustration with a case of migraine on the side....... i tried posting on forums and i was mocked at because i don't know how stuff are called but i survived.... i'm posting my solution here to document this....... i was having difficulty googling the answer because apparently my search queries are wrong but i got lucky when someone on the forum i posted my question pointed me to this link: http://java.sun.com/developer/technicalArticles/Intl/HTTPCharset/ so you need to do that....forget the database part....  i was yelled at at work when i asked what our database character set is....... and i was mocked at that if i need to ask that then it means i'm not doing stuff correctly (hmpf! fine!)...... so again, ignore the "database settings"...... as long as you know that your database is configured to be unicode-friendly your good..... then after some playing around with my codes and comparing why the other jsp is behaving correctly and the other is not i realized the other is using the "get" method (<form method="get"...> ) which is doing what i want it to do while my other jsp is using "post" which is what's screwing my inputs..... i didn't know that method "post"'s default encoding is ISO-8859-1....... excellent! i found the culprit why my japanese characters values are getting mangled...... by the way.....for the "get" to work properly you need to add this: URIEncoding="UTF-8" on your server.xml so it would be something like:     <Connector port="8080" protocol="HTTP/1.1"                connectionTimeout="20000"                redirectPort="8443"                URIEncoding="UTF-8"/> ok.....back to "post" and "get"...... in the web land we don't use "get".....(if you've come this far that means you're a programmer and you were interested to know how i fixed my problem which also means you already know why "get" is a no-no)....... so i need to find a way to make the "post" to work like the "get" and so it's google time again and somewhere between searching for struts and tomcat encoding and finding the nearest papa john's pizza i found this: http://wiki.apache.org/tomcat/FAQ/CharacterEncoding you might want to pay attention on this part: How do I change how POST parameters are interpreted? so what i did was: 1. i located that file SetCharacterEncodingFilter.java which, as the document says is in: tomcatdir/webapps/examples/WEB-INF/classes/filters/   2. copied the contents of the whole /filters directory and dropped it in my own /webapps directory note: although actually you just need the SetCharacterEncodingFilter.xxxxx   3. and then i opened my web.xml and added this:     <filter>          <filter-name>Set Character Encoding</filter-name>          <filter-class>com.myclasses.filters.SetCharacterEncodingFilter</filter-class>          <init-param>              <param-name>encoding</param-name>              <param-value>UTF-8</param-value>          </init-param>     </filter>     <filter-mapping>             <filter-name>Set Character Encoding</filter-name>             <url-pattern>/*</url-pattern>     </filter-mapping>   add those lines before any of your <servlet> tags...atleast that's where i put it...   there's a shortcut...in your action or conroller classes make sure you set the encoding to what you want it to be, like in my case it's UTF-8... so somewhere in your controller class there's a line of code that looks exactly like this.. request.setCharacterEncoding("UTF-8"); for some reason that shortcut didn't work for me and i'm sure i'm screwing things up somewhere in my code, but being the lazy ass that i am and i had enough of this unicode stuff that if someone talks to me about this i am going to scream, seriously.... haha...anyway, i don't want to debug anymore so i just did that <filter> thingie....   that's it! that solves my from browser to database problem....   now, how about the from database to browser problem? easy.... locate all your .jsp and add this line right on the very top...   <%@ page language="java" contentType="text/html; charset=UTF-8" %>   this actually should be the easiest part of my problem and the reason why my browser still keeps displaying the wrong values is because i put that line of code on the wrong jsp..... that happens you know, specially when you didnt realize that the jsp you are looking at is a baby jsp meaning it was called by the mother jsp (sorry, i know, i have a weird way of calling stuff) using this line:   <c:import url=mommy_calling_baby.jsp/>   so make sure you put that line of code on the mother jsp...     so there you have it.... if you were having the same problem and this tiny notes of mine worked for you and s olved your problem and you know where i'm at i just want a tall java chip frap from starbucks, tee hee hee...   oh, by the way, i'm using tomcat 6, oracle 11g and java 1.5 and struts p.s.. now if you're shaking your head and mumbling to yourself saying i'm stupid not to know this and you know how to do this even while you're sleeping, then good for you....now, go away!

schengen visa, finally

after going back and forth at the italian embassy in philadelphia for three times i finally got my schengen...

kaso...matuloy kaya ako? bahala na!

going to italy to learn english...

consul: you're going to italy as a student?
lady: yes
consul: what will you be studying there?
lady: english
consul: but you can speak----- *sigh* let me get this straight you are going to italy to learn english?
lady: yes
consul: why do you need to go to italy to learn english when you are already in the english-speaking country? what's the difference between learning english here and italy?
lady: i want to immerse myself in the italian culture so that when i come back here i would be able to teach the immigrants.
consul: i'm sorry, we can't approve your italian student visa. you're an american citizen, you can stay in Italy without a visa for 90 days.
lady: but i need to stay there for 186 days
consul: well, if you want to stay longer to learn "more english" just come back here in the US after your initial 90 days in Italy and just fly back to Italy for another 90 days.....



i will deny her of a visa too if i was the consul.... that's a load of crap that lady is trying to pull off there... she could have just said "i'm going to italy to learn how to speak italian fluently" or "I'm going to Italy to learn how to cook Italian dishes" , that might be more plausible, sheesh...but, what do i know....none of my business..... i just thought that conversation is funny......you're in America and you're going to Italy to learn English, uh, for real?

Grand Canyon Plus Plus for as low as $313.00

Thanksgiving Trip 2010

(Nov 25 - Nov 27)

I already have 5 people joining but we can still accomodate a few more.

Flight Suggestion:
ETA in Phoenix: Between 3:00 - 5:00 PM on November 25 (Thu)
ETD from Phoenix : 4:00 PM onwards on November 28 (Sun)

Nov 25 (Thu): Meetup in Phoenix
	Participants should arrive in Phoenix between 3:00 - 4:00 pm.
	Pick-up rental car. Stay in Phoenix.
Nov 26 (Fri): Early drive to Grand Canyon
	4.5 hours scenic drive from Phoenix to Grand Canyon
	See Grand Canyon for the whole day. Description: A powerful and inspiring landscape, the Grand Canyon overwhelms our senses through its immense size; 277 river miles (446km) long, up to 18 miles (29km) wide, and a mile (1.6km) deep. Sunset at Hopi Point. No visit to Grand Canyon is complete unless we stayed for the sunset show. The whole canyon gets a reddish color and the show of color-light-shadows that the canyon is revealing in front of your eyes is just amazing. No pictures and no words can describe the beauty of the sunsets here! So don't forget to pack your tripod.
Nov 27 (Sat): Grand Canyon and Antelope Canyon and Lake Powell Cruise
	Sunrise at Powell Point. Wake up really early for the sunrise view of the Grand Canyon Then leave for Page, preferrably around 6:00 am in time for the 9:00 Photography Antelope Tour
	Drive 3 hours to Page. Description: Antelope Canyon is at once one of the most breathtaking and tranquil places on earth. Gently carved from the Navajo sandstone over the course of countless millenniums, the slot canyons are majestic and narrow passages, just enough space for a small group to walk the sandy floor - and for the occasional shafts of sunlight to shine down from above. Watch this video and get mesmerized: Antelope Canyon
	If you can't get enough of Page and we still have time to spare, how about taking a boat tour at the Lake Powell? Descrption: Lake Powell is the second-largest man-made lake in the United States. Cruising Lake Powell is like touring a huge sculpture park that will dramatically inspire all of your senses and is surrounded by the startling beauty of colorful rock canyon walls, rose colored sandy beaches and a night sky brilliant with shimmering stars. This breathtaking landscape extends from Page Arizona into southern Utah. For more info see: http://www.arizona-leisure.com/lake-powell-page-arizona.html
Nov 28 (Sun): Drive back to Phoenix to catch your flight.

$685.00	if traveling solo
$410.00	if 2 people travelling together
$318.33	if 3 people travelling together
plus airfare to and from Phoenix

What's Included:
- Hotel (Phoenix, Grand Canyon, Page)
- Car Rental (does NOT include insurance)
- Gas
- Tours (Grand Canyon, Photography Antelope Tour, Cruise at Lake Powell)

** Deposit of $50 per person is needed to reserve your slot. I need this to reserve your accomodation.
** Deposit is non-refundable.


Send all your inquiries to: traveholics.united@gmail.com

Ultimate Grand Canyon Tour Plus Plus for as low as $313.00

Thanksgiving Trip 2010

(Nov 25 - Nov 27)

I already have 5 people joining but we can still accomodate a few more.

Flight Suggestion:
ETA in Phoenix: Between 3:00 - 5:00 PM on November 25 (Thu)
ETD from Phoenix : 4:00 PM onwards on November 28 (Sun)

Nov 25 (Thu): Meetup in Phoenix
	Participants should arrive in Phoenix between 3:00 - 4:00 pm.
	Pick-up rental car. Stay in Phoenix.
Nov 26 (Fri): Early drive to Grand Canyon
	4.5 hours scenic drive from Phoenix to Grand Canyon
	See Grand Canyon for the whole day. Description: A powerful and inspiring landscape, the Grand Canyon overwhelms our senses through its immense size; 277 river miles (446km) long, up to 18 miles (29km) wide, and a mile (1.6km) deep. Sunset at Hopi Point. No visit to Grand Canyon is complete unless we stayed for the sunset show. The whole canyon gets a reddish color and the show of color-light-shadows that the canyon is revealing in front of your eyes is just amazing. No pictures and no words can describe the beauty of the sunsets here! So don't forget to pack your tripod.
Nov 27 (Sat): Grand Canyon and Antelope Canyon and Lake Powell Cruise
	Sunrise at Powell Point. Wake up really early for the sunrise view of the Grand Canyon Then leave for Page, preferrably around 6:00 am in time for the 9:00 Photography Antelope Tour
	Drive 3 hours to Page. Description: Antelope Canyon is at once one of the most breathtaking and tranquil places on earth. Gently carved from the Navajo sandstone over the course of countless millenniums, the slot canyons are majestic and narrow passages, just enough space for a small group to walk the sandy floor - and for the occasional shafts of sunlight to shine down from above. Watch this video and get mesmerized: Antelope Canyon
	If you can't get enough of Page and we still have time to spare, how about taking a boat tour at the Lake Powell? Descrption: Lake Powell is the second-largest man-made lake in the United States. Cruising Lake Powell is like touring a huge sculpture park that will dramatically inspire all of your senses and is surrounded by the startling beauty of colorful rock canyon walls, rose colored sandy beaches and a night sky brilliant with shimmering stars. This breathtaking landscape extends from Page Arizona into southern Utah. For more info see: http://www.arizona-leisure.com/lake-powell-page-arizona.html
Nov 28 (Sun): Drive back to Phoenix to catch your flight.

$685.00	if traveling solo
$410.00	if 2 people travelling together
$318.33	if 3 people travelling together
plus airfare to and from Phoenix

What's Included:
- Hotel (Phoenix, Grand Canyon, Page)
- Car Rental (does NOT include insurance)
- Gas
- Tours (Grand Canyon, Photography Antelope Tour, Cruise at Lake Powell

** Deposit of $50 per person is needed to reserve your slot. I need this to reserve your accomodation.

** Deposit is non-refundable.

Send all your inquiries to: traveholics.united@gmail.com

life is much much bearable ...

life is much much bearable when you have someone to share it with....

it's september 2010...

it's been a year....

actually, kinda more than a year, if you count the "unofficials"....

i still don't know how to explain the situation to my friends because i don't trust some of them would understand........ my friends are a tough crowd and i can't bear the thought of them saying "not so nice words" about us..... either in our face or behind our backs...... and some of them are just natural curmudgeon, who always say bad stuff about people...... you know who they are.....

until then, my life would remain private..... and don't you dare ask me about this.... if you ask me anything all the more i'll keep things from you......

yes, you do share some private stuff about yourself or stuff about your friends to me but that doesn't mean i should return the favor....... if you're not comfortable to share any of those private stuff then please don't, i will understand....... but don't share private stuff just so i'll be obliged to share mine, that's not how it goes, i'm sorry......no offense, but i just like "announcing" stuff at my own pace......

oh, and yeah..... i still need friends.... not because i'm not alone now that would mean you can't invite me to events/gimicks anymore..... that's the other reason why i don't want to admit "it"..... my friends would just assume i'm "busy" all the time and they won't invite me to anything anymore...... i still have lots of time to be with my friends, to tell you the truth..... and i miss my friends...... just please don't put me on the spot and ask about private stuff...... i'm sure you don't want to be put on the spot too......

..and i'll say it again...

why do some people keep saying "everything happens for a reason"? isn't that a lame excuse for not owning up to your actions? or for being too proud to accept defeat?

everything does NOT happen for a reason because nothing is predestined..u are what u've become as a result of the decisions you made in the past..what happened happened as a consequence of your action and NOT because everything happens for a reason..

you have no right...

don't be so quick to judge...

unless you've been in that person's shoes you have no right to tell that person what he/she should do or not do.... what he/she should feel or not feel.....

From Inception to Deception with Q & A

 

someone pointed out that i missed to mention the important "points" so i had to modify this entry....

note: this entry will and might upset you.... you've been warned...

=========================================================

a note for myself
to remind me to always remain humble
and to never hold grudges
blog maia, regulai maia

2006	- 3 major "pasimuno" planned putting up the "thing". but needed 2 fillers. a corporation  needs atleast 5 people to be qualified as a corporation. so (2) brought her friend and (3) brought her friend.i didnt bring any (my mistake, i was outnumbered)
Dec 2006	- first project
Feb 2007	- (1)  left for US
May 2007	- official and legal and registered. (1) + (2) + (3) are all doing the "thing" part time, as previously planned and decided.
2007	- (2) quits day job/became full time. (1) + (3) still working  part-time for the "thing"
Mar 2008	- (3) quits day job/became full time. (1) still part-time
Oct 2008	- (1) booted out. reason: not in the same location as (2) & (3). can't do full time. need full time peeps coz things are getting hairy. suggestions: - suggestion: meeting before deciding anything. dont surprise attack coz its an unfair treatment. - suggestion: hire people if things are already getting too hairy so nobody needs to quit day jobs. - suggestion: make outline for clear delegation of tasks  for equal distribution - suggestion: AND always keep "people" in the loop about projects so task distribution is easier ... don't ignore (1)'s emails.... question: why follow ups/inquiries/balikbayan projects gets ignored. answer: plan of booting out is in progress
2010	- hired people (finally) -  (3)  is now in the US
	- question: (3) is now in the US  like (1).  will  (3) be booted out  why? answer: ofcourse not. politics. - question: but, but, the reason they kicked out (1) is because "she can't be physically there". that's not fair.  answer:  i'd like to think they were misguided by money. a nightmare that all honest business partners had to go through. - question: did (1) helped in the foundation? is  (1) the most well-travelled & well experienced in organizing/managing projects at that time. answer: yes and yes - question: when did (1) started organizing "projects"? answer: 2004 for pexersLibotPinas - question: did (1) at one point registered a travel agency? what happened? answer: yes, it's called traveholics network, that was back in 2004....makati denied me of a business permit because travel business is saturated in makati....i concentrated on making tour packages and organizing tours for free instead... - question: (1)'s credentials? answers: TLRC's how to set up your own "travel agency" and 2nd course on "airline booking, reservation, creating tour packages" - question: your contribution? answer: first niche market, set of clients, first set of contacts, first set logistics, tour packages, initial business strategy...basically the whole initial foundation...plus the actual business operation for two years... - question: so why booted out? answer: the "thing" is becoming famous, it's  up and running, it's  stable.  they got what  they needed from (1) so they don't have use for (1) anymore. oh. and (1) is in d US, they say (1) abandoned them. - question: abandoned? emails/chats/video conference don't count? answer: apparently, no. have to be physically there. - question: (2) & (3) changed their mindsand offered (1) 5% of the "thing", right? (1) should be thankful for that. answer: (1) felt insulted...imagine bill gates being kicked out from microsoft and they told him he can come back but they'll give him just 5% instead.... plus after all the "drama" that transpired, joining them again will be awkward. plus it would be suicide. - question: why do they have to remove (1)? cant they just have (1) + (2) + (3) + (4) plus 2 fillers? answer: good question. because too many people will have to share the pie? because (1) is in the US and they don't like it that (1) is getting both worlds (US & owning a business).  i dont know. - question: does (1) knows how much the "thing" is earning answer: no. never saw the books. never tried to because i trusted them. BIG mistake. they're, im sorry for lack of better word, scumbags. - question: did (1) get anything after 2 years as an owner? like buy out? salary? answer: none. nada. zilch. just heartaches. - question: you think they'll get mad when they see this? answer: yes. as far as they're concerned they did nothing wrong. for them, just telling someone by email that you just got the sack and they don't need you anymore without a warning, a meeting and voting is absolutely the correct and most humane thing to do.  and as far as they're concerned (1) is the bad guy because (1) shouldn't let anyone know about what happened and should never complain about their decision. plus it's bad publicity for them. but i like exercising my freedom of speech. so, im sorry travelfactor the world has to know. - question: bad publicity. so why does (1) still had to post this  answer: freedom of speech. blog maia, regulai maia. i'm sure "they" say things about (1) too. plus (1) is not mentioning names. - question: ur plan?  answer: no comment. i like to surprise people - question: does (1) hate 2 & 3?  answer: nah. just indifferent. - question: how about (4) & (5), does (1) hate them?  answer: it's mainly all (2) & (3)'s fault. im sure (4) didn't brain-washed them to kick (1) out. i hope. - question: "some" people say (1) talks a lot and "they'" are quiet.. .any comment? answer: "they" talk a lot about this too but they just hide it from (1)...(1) makes sure she's not backstabbing them by  making "posts"  viewable to not just some but everyone.... - question: and that you are bitter and over reacting.. answer: imagine yourself being betrayed by someone you trust then come back to me and tell me if i am indeed over reacting.... - question: what will (1) do if (1) sees (2) & (3) & (4) face to face? answer: smile and give them a friendly nod and continue walking.... i know how to be civil... but i cant never be friends with cheaters and backstabbers....

 

(1) = me
(2) = owner 2
(3) = owner 3
(4) = new owner
"thing" = travelfactor
first project = 1st surfvivor

antonia's line

i remember watching this when i was still in college and i remember this line that was forever etched on my mind...

"it's not true that time heals all wounds...time just softens the pain and blurs the memory..."

so. very. true.

busy and fully booked...

i just realized that i'll be very busy starting september and that my itchy feet would be so happy.....haha

september=	i'm going to virginia to attend a wedding and go to luray cavern and i'll be staying in NY for a weekend to watch the US Open finals
october    =	i have to use the fall foliage tour in suburb NY that i wasn't able to use last year
november =	grand canyon and antelope canyon trip
december =	hmm...secret muna...wala pa yung fafa hunting license ko e, este, visa pala, haha.... but that woud be my birthday trip

on forgiveness...

today's not the day..... tomorrow's not looking good either........... but i'll keep trying until i succeed.....

"Forgiveness takes time. It is the last step of the grieving process."

From Inception to Deception plus Q & A

a note for myself
to remind me to always remain humble
and to never hold grudges
blog maia, regulai maia

2006	- 3 major "pasimuno" planned putting up the "thing". but needed 2 fillers. "type" needs atleast 5 people to be qualified as that  "type"
Dec 2006	- first project
Feb 2007	- (1) = US
May 2007	- official and legal and registered. (1) + (2) + (3) part-time
2007	- (2) quit day job/became full time. (1) + (3) still part-time
Mar 2008	- (3) quit day job/became full time. (1) still part-time
Oct 2008	- (1) booted out. reason: not in the same location as (2) & (3). can't full time. need full time peeps coz things are getting hairy.
2008	- suggestion: meeting before deciding anything. dont surprise attack coz its an unfair treatment.
	suggestion: hire people if things are already getting too hairy so nobody needs to quit day jobs.
	suggestion: make outline for clear delegation of tasks  for equal distribution
	suggestion: AND always keep "people" in the loop about projects so task distribution is easier
	question: why follow ups/inquiries/balikbayan projects gets ignored. answer: plan of booting out is in progress
2010	- hired people (finally) -  US (3)
	- question (3) = US  will  (3) be booted out? why? answer: ofcourse not. politics. - question: did (1) helped in the foundation? is  (1) the most well-travelled & well experienced in organizing/managing projects at that time. answer: yes and yes - question: when did (1) started organizing "projects"? answer: 2004 for pexersLibotPinas - question: (1)'s credentials? answers: TLRC's how to set up your own "txxxxl agency" and 2nd course on "airline booking, reservation, creating txxr packages" - question: so why booted out? answer: the "thing" is becoming famous, it's  up and running, it's  stable.  they got what  they needed from (1) so they don't have use for (1) anymore. oh. and (1) is in d US, they say (1) abandoned them. - question: abandoned? emails/chats/video conference don't count? answer: apparently, no. have to be physically there. - question: (2) & (3) changed their mindsand offered (1) 5% of the "thing", right? (1) should be thankful for that. answer: (1) felt insulted. plus after all the "drama" that transpired, joining them again will be awkward. plus it would be suicide. - question: why do they have to remove (1)? cant they just have (1) + (2) + (3) + (4) plus 2 fillers? answer: good question. because too many people will have to share the pie? because (1) is in the US and they don't like it that (1) is getting both worlds (US & owning a business).  i dont know. - question: does (1) knows how much the "thing" is earning answer: no. never saw the books. never tried to because i trusted them. - question: did (1) got anything after 2 years?buy out?salary? answer: none. just heartaches. - question: you think they'll get mad when they see this? answer: yes. as far as they're concerned they did nothing wrong. for them, just telling someone by email that you just got the sack and they don't need you anymore without a warning, a meeting and voting is absolutely the correct and most humane thing to do.  and as far as they're concerned (1) is the bad guy because (1) shouldn't let anyone know about what happened and should never complain about their decision. plus it's bad publicity. - question: bad publicity. so why does (1) still had to post this  answer: freedom of speech. blog maia, regulai maia. i'm sure "they" say things about (1) too. plus (1) is not mentioning names. - question: ur plan?  answer: no comment. i like to surprise people - question: does (1) hate 2 & 3?  answer: nah. just indifferent. - question: how about (4) & (5), does (1) hate them?  answer: it's mainly all (2) & (3)'s fault. im sure (4) didn't brain-washed them to kick (1) out. i hope. - question: what will (1) do if (1) sees (2) & (3) & (4) face to face? answer: smile and give them a friendly nod and continue walking.

dodging the boomerang of bad karma

money and fame isn't everything... if you have trampled on other people, treated people unfairly to climb your way to the top that only means one thing, you're a sociopath...

...do you seriously think you have done nothing wrong? that you've been fair and honest? do you really?

don't worry, i may give you a piece of my mind but i won't get even...why?  because  "blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5)

someday, all will be lost and you will remember me.....

someday, people will treat you the way you treated me, then you'll remember me.....

someday, one who is very dear to you will be treated the way you treated me, then you'll remember me...

what goes around, comes around....

so goodluck on dodging the boomerang of bad karma ...

sociopath... beware...

money and fame isn't everything... if you have trampled on other people, treated people unfairly to climb your way to the top that only means one thing, you're a sociopath...

don't worry, i may give you a piece of my mind but i won't get even...why? because "blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5)

someday, all will be lost and you will remember me.....

someday, people will treat you the way you treated me, then you'll remember me.....

someday, one who is very dear to you will be treated the way you treated me, then you'll remember me...

what goes around, comes around....

so goodluck on dodging the boomerang of bad karma ...

blog-less...no more...

uh.

i have stuff sitting on my "draft" closet but it contains just outlines and fragment of thoughts that only i can understand.... hopefully i'll get around into actually writing them...

but to give you a hint, here are the topics:

- memoirs of a F.O.B. in the U.S.
- tips for a shiny hair
- prodigal iphone daughter - samsung galaxy S vs iphone - (why i returned my samsung galaxy S and went back to my iphone)
- what to watch out for if you really had to use travel agency's service...
- what "googling" tells about you

UK visa..

one down (uk), one to go (schengen)...

nangangarap ako ng birthday trip e...

pero kelangan nang itodo ang powers sa pagtitipid! so, hmm, spam lang everyday para makaipon, haha...

o kaya tambay sa costco... titikim ng mga free samples, nakakabusog din yun! hi hi....


but i don't want to jinx it..... for now i'm still just wishing..... nothing is final until i book my flight.....and i don't want to book my flight until i have all the visas that i need...... so hopefully getting schengen visa would be easier since i now have my UK visa .... *crosses fingers*

how to eat tacos with grace

preparation.

kumuha ng tissue. check.

nakawin ang bib ng pamangkin.check.

titigan ang taco at hanapin ang vulnerable spot (tip na malupit: sa dulo ng taco, bandang kanan..shhh..secret lang natin yan)

syempre dapat mentally prepared tayo.
repeat after me.
ohmm. ohmm. ohmm.
mmmmmmmmmmmmm!




attack!!!

teka.

wag masyado excited.

dahan-dahang angatin ang taco sa kinalalagyan using your 2 hands.
dahan. dahan.

be gentle sa tacos.
pano mo malalaman na gentle ang pagkakahawak mo? kelangan nakataas ang dalawang pinky (hinliliit)

teka.

wag mong gamitan ng tissue ineng. matutunaw lang ang tissue dahil sa sauce, makakain mo lang ung tissue.

ok game na ulit.

dahan- dahang i-alma ang dulo ng taco sa yong bibig.
dahan. dahan.
dahan. dahan.

eps!

wag muna kakagat.

pag nasa bibig na.

kagatin ng dere-deretso.wag hihinga para wag magkaron ang tacos ng pagkakataon na lumaban. kagat.kagat.kagat lang ng kagat. wag pansinin ang mga nahuhulog na kamatis. na repolyo. na basag na taco. o ang nahuhulog na dandruff. pawis. kulangot, sipon, etcetera. concentrate. itodo ang powers sa pagkagat. mamaya ka na huminga. ano ba. kagat. kagat. kagat lang ng kagat.

finish na!

punasan ang bibig ng tissue.

at mag-smile.

ang saya di ba?

teka.

kamusta naman ang bib mo?

ayan. lagot ka sa nanay mo.

maghanap ka ng clorox at ibabad mo muna yan.


p.s.
so asan ang grace dun?
ay. wala ka bang friend na grace ang pangalan?
ay sadness. kawawa ka naman
ako meron eh.
kumain ako nang taco with my friend grace.

sorry. lost in translation. o sha mumog ka na.

5 fundamental laws of stupidity

1. Always and inevitably each of us underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation. [ayeen's notes: never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.]
   
2. The probability that a given person is stupid is independent of any other characteristic possessed by that person.[ayeen's notes: has MA? member of MENSA? it doesn't matter. stupidity is like a secret disease.]
   
3. A person is stupid if they cause damage to another person or group of people without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process. [ayeen's notes: i know a lot who falls in this category]
   
4. Non-stupid people always underestimate the harmful potential of stupid people; they constantly forget that at any time anywhere, and in any circumstance, dealing with or associating themselves with stupid individuals invariably constitutes a costly error.[ayeen's notes: yep, been there, done that and the outcome is NOT good]
   
5. A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person there is. [ayeen: hell yeah!]
   

- from Cipolla's five fundamental laws of stupidity

na-karma ako.....

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." - the alchemist by paolo coelho

kagabi, paglabas ko ng opisina (tinamad ako at late na akong pumasok kaya late na ako nakauwi)  ang ganda ng panahon...... hindi tumatayo balahibo ko sa lamig at hindi rin ganun kainit (magulo ngayon temperature dito)........ masarap yung simoy ng hangin parang christmas weather sa pinas...... "beep beep", tunog yun ni karsha na nag-unlock...... pasok ako sa kotse, binuksan ko bintana dahil mainit sa loob (yoko ng lamig ng aircon) at habang hinahaplos ko yung mini-rosary ko sa rear view mirror ni-recite ko ang personal prayer ko:

"Lord, keep me away from accidents, breakdowns,crazy and impatient drivers,
bless the road and everyone who'll share the road with me,
tulungan nyo po ako na maging attentive sa road  and to have a watchful eye  (oo taglish ako magdasal, lol)
and help me to get to my destination safely
salamat Lord"

nagsimulang tumugtog ang "falling for you" ni colbie caillat so syempre mega kanta ako dyan........ with matching papikit-pikit ng mata at sway-sway ng ulo at syempre tonsils showing...........kasehoda kung naririnig ako ng ibang motorista na nakababa din ang mga bintana dahil sine-savor nila ang masarap na hangin......tapos, habang kumakanta ako at hinihintay mag-green ang traffic light napangiti ako.... masaya ako....

i am surprisingly happy!

ang galing.... 3 years ago, about the same time depressed ako....... naalala ko yung sinabi ng isa sa importanteng tao sa buhay ko:

"wow, you've been thru a lot and you've come a long way....did you realize that?"


kala ng mga tao mayaman kami........ siguro dahil maarte akong manamit at dahil nakatapos ako sa magandang eskuwelahan....... oo, may sarili kaming bahay sa makati, pero maliit lang bahay namin...... isa lang kwarto, share kami ng kapatid ko dun...... papa ko natutulog sa sala, mama ko? hiwalay sila ni papa e..... since 13 years old ako......  wala kaming kotse, wala kami negosyo, pangkaraniwang empleyado lang si papa at natanggal sya sa trabaho nung ika-4th year college ko......... nag-try papa ko mag-invest sa isang pharmacy ng kaibigan nya....in-invest nya 80% ng severance pay nya ang kaso mo tinakbuhan sya.........hmm, parang sounds "pamily", genetic ata ang minamalas sa negosyo ah, mwehehe!...... anyway, ang saya-saya di ba? pang-renovate dapat namin ng bahay yung kalahati nun e, ni-invest lang ni papa para medyo lumaki.......... pero di na nya nakita yung nag-swindel sa kanya kaya wala na kaming pera, kaya sakto, pagka-graduate ko, P5,000 na lang siguro laman ng banko ni papa.......



naging ago-go dancer ako.....

1998.....pagkatapos kong mag-graduate kinapalan ko mukha ko para mag-exam sa scholarship sa ateneo...... sabi nung kakilala ko yun ang stepping stone ko para makapunta sa US....... nakakatawa pa, dahil sa isang simpleng mamamayan lang ako at ang goal ko lang e umabot sa grade quota ng computer science nung college at hindi ako part ng student body (but mind you asst secretary ako ng honor's society, lalang, feel ko lang magyabang, para kunyari matalino, haha) ay  hindi ako kasali sa "chosen few" na pina-exam ng dean namin para sa ateneo scholarship............... kaya ang nangyari, sariling kayod, ako mismo (kasama ang 3 ko pang kaibigan) ang kumatok sa ateneo at nagbayad ng sariling exam fee (the best P150 i have ever spent)........ nakapasa ako sa exam (pati ung 2 kong kaibigan) at ang sumunod ay interview ng company na magii-sponsor ng scholarship ko at magdadala sa kin sa land of opportunity............ at dahil magaling akong mambola, haha, napasa ko rin yun at nagkaron ng offer para pumunta ng new york para lipulin ang Y2K bug! o-ha........... oo, isa akong COBOL programmer noong early stage ng programming career ko...... so happily ever after na ba after nun?

hinde....

hindi ako napadala agad ke uncle sam.......... marketing problem daw........... at eto pa, pasaway ang (unang) employer kong yun............... oo, totoo, sila ang naglakad (actually takbo kasi ang bilis, haha) ng kauna-unahan kong H1B visa at sabi nila, aalis na ako papuntang yu-es-of-ey ng year 1998......... pero hindi nangyari e.......... at ang masaklap di kami pinapasweldo ng maayos....... halos isang taon akong nagtiis...... yung pangakong 17,000/month naging 7,000/month, minsan 2,000, minsan 4,000, minsan Post-Its lang, depende sa trip ng nagpapasweldo o kung ano sabihin ng crystal ball nya.......... naman! breadwinner ang lola nyo........ yung 5,000 sa banko ng tatay ko? juzkudey, long gone...... na-pupu at na-wiwi na namin ang pinagamitan nun...... yun ang dahilan kung bakit nagkandalubog-lubog ako sa utang, 2 credit cards day! gadz! que horror! so nag-sideline ako, bilang..... ago-go dancer

charing!

sori, can't help it e......maganda sana kung ganun nangyari para mas dramatic ang storya ng buhay ko at pede kong i-submit sa "maalala mo kaya", haha........... so, anyway, hindi ago-go, kundi as encoder.......... the emvarashment (embarrassment), di ba? pero sa isip-isip ko, juzku, talo-talo na, mag-iinarte pa ba ako? papairalin ko pa ba ang pride chicken ko? i have to bring food on the table......... atleast computer pa rin kaharap ko at may uniform kaming pagkaganda-ganda na para kaming flight attendant........atleast may pambayad ako ng pldt, meralco at nawasa at may pang-shopping ako sa palengke ng pio del pilar para pambili ng galunggong, kangkong at kalahating pitso ng manok...........

tapos one day-isang araw, pinatawag kaming "forever trainee"..... training daw ng java...... so kelangan ko nang mag-resign sa sideline ko..... kelangan dun full time e..... kelangan pasok sa "eskwela" ng from 7am to 4pm........ ang makapasa raw dun sa final exam with flying colors yun papadala sa yu-es....... syempre mabuti akong estudyante at meron akong private tutor nung panahong yun, ehem (quiet, you!), kaya pasado....... ang kaso di pa rin kami napadala...... economy chorba raw........ so another tiis na naman sa non-existent sweldo....... hanggang sa ang aking pagiging lihim na pulis pangkalawakan ay umiral (shaider ikaw ba yan?) , bunbunan ay nag-init, ngipin ay nagngalit, ang dandruff ay nagliparan! panahon na para makibaka! so -- nag-resign ako....

....... at nakakuha ako ng maayos na trabaho na nagpapa-sweldo ng tama........... so in short, nasayang at nauwi sa wala ang aking kauna-unahang US working visa (H1b)........... kaya tinititigan ko na lang sya every now and then habang kinakanta ang "muntik ng maabot ang laaaa-ngit"...........  pero...... pero...... nakahanap ako ulit! akalain mo yun! ........  this time bound to california naman..... natuwa sila sa akin at sinimulan nila agad yung pag-process ng 2nd H1b ko...... ang kaso----


nangyari ang 9/11......


dalawang gusali sa new york went to ashes......naghigpit ang immigration, nag-down economy....... sorry marlin, no more H1b sponsorship for you......pag minamalas ka nga naman.....


howel......



on tatlong lalaki ka-live in ko (totoo na to)  and 2nd H1B

pero 4 years after, dun na ako sinwerte (thanks to dice.com)...... my second H1b! alleluiah!...... kaso ibang drama na naman ang naghihintay sa kin nung dumating ako sa new jersey as H1b  (B1/B2 gamit ko sa north carolina)...........  dun ako nakaramdam ng soooooooobrang lunkot ( oo maraming "o" kasi to the highest level na lungkot yun)....... isip ko nun, punyemas.... maayos naman trabaho ko sa pinas, ang sweldo ko dun above average, may negosyo ako dun, nakakaraos naman kami kahit paano bakit ba ako umalis-alis pa........well, actually alam ko kung bakit, gusto ko ng more moolah, ano fa vah.......pero mhen, kung alam ko lang na ganun kalunkot (malunkot na kasi di ko na kasama mga kaibigan ko di tulad nung nasa north carolina ako)...........

e bakit ke arte ko ba at mega nage-emote ako  ng ganun e nasa US na ako? dami jan, binebenta ang palayan, baka, baboy, pusa, butiki para lang may pamasahe papuntang ibang bansa, samantalang ako libre......... dapat e mag-tumbling-tumbling ako sa tuwa di ba? dahil haller, alam nyo ba kung gano kahirap makuha ang H1b? isang taon inantay ko dun! buti na lang wala pang quota sa H1b nung panahon na yun, dahil kung hindi additional hurdle yun............. kasi ganito yun...... picture this.......

kaw ba naman ang may roomies na tatlong lalaki e (3 pakistani na later naging 2 pakistani at 1 indian) tapos ikaw lang ang babae, matutuwa ka ba nun? ang banyo madumi, ang lababo ewan, tapos ang amoy sa buong kabahayan ay, well, alam mo na (although at one point na-immune na ata ako).......... eto pa, 3 buwan wala ako sweldo dahil wala pa ako client.....ang binibigay lang sa kin ng employer ko $100/month ($50 kinsenas) & take note, kelangan ko pang i-remind ang employer ko para bigay sa kin ang $50 na yun twing kinsenas......... wow mhen, para akong nagmamakaawa sa $50 na yun............ at juzku, ang ego ko naman ay talagang tinapon nila sa putikan at tinatapak-tapakan hanggang malubog down under.........  tapos, tapos, twing may technical interview ako feeling ko ang bobo-bobo ko............. dumudugo lagi ilong ko........ huh? struts? di ba dance step yun? hibernate? uhmm, only pregnant female polar bears hibernate...... oh! i thought you're asking me to use that in a sentence...... (update: ngayon alam ko na kung ano yang mga yan, haha)..........

anyway....

tulad ng sinabi ko, i have never felt so lonely and alone in my entire life, pramis! alam nyo bang wala akong kamag-anak sa U.S.? yep, kaya ako ay road warrior.............. wala akong kaibigan o kamag-anak na nakakausap at naiiyakan nung panahon na ako'y sumusweldo ng $50 twing kinsenas at may ka-live in na tatlong lalakeng hindi ko kalahi (pero mabait naman sila, in fairness, except dun sa isa na, well, basta)............. eto natutunan ko, pag alone and lonely ka syempre mas vulnerable, kaya dapat watch out sa mga magaling mag-take advantage kasi easy prey ka............... dahilan kung bakit bukod sa ego kong na-torture, e ang puso kong naive had to endure too much beating din........ pero ibang storya na ulit yun..



and she stands....

pero makaraan ang halos isang taon, sabi siguro ni Lord, "osha, tama na yan..... nahubog na kita ng husto...... time na to go up"....... at nakakuha ako ng permanent employer (di na consulting) na naglakad ng permanent residency (green card) ko............ nakahanap ako ng mga kaibigan kaya di na ako ganun kalungkot (thru SFC)................ at higit sa lahat nakahanap ako ng isang "kaibigan" na minahal ako tulad ng pagmamahal na binigay ko sa mga taong minahal ko (masarap pala ako magmahal, haha) at ipapakilala ko lang sya sa mga taong alam kong hindi makitid ang utak, hindi mapanghusga at  hindi mapanglait.........

oh! meron pang isa eto (click mo):


approve na greencard ko......

a few thousand dollars, bunch of papers and 3 1/2 months later na-approve na sya......

salamat ke Lord, sa employer ko at sa pangungulit ko sa lawyer ko na ipasok ang application ko as EB2 (mas mabilis ang EB2)....

hayyyyyyyyy.........................

oo, madami akong pinagdaanan......... balde-baldeng luha ang iniyak ko.............. marami akong unan na sinuntok at sinigawan.............. ang daming nangyaring  hindi maganda......... may nag-take advantage, may nanloko, may nag-traydor........... pero in the end......

mahaba pa rin hair ko!

i mean, "i stand" pala, haha........ i'm not a quitter........

at napansin ko rin, twing may taong umaapi o pinaglalaruan ako, something good always happen to me at opposite ang nangyayari sa kanila.......... di ko sila sinusumpa or anything talagang parang ang mundo ang gumaganti para sa kin.......

so yeah, na-karma ako...... but in a good kind of way....

hindi porket nasa abroad ako gagawin mo akong ATM machine...

ipabasa nyo to sa mga tao sa buhay nyo na akala human ATM machine kayo...at sa mga taong mahilig mag-stereotype...


The price of being abroad for the Filipino Community
by HINDI PORKE'T NASA ABROAD AKO, MAYAMAN NA! HINDI AKO BANKO

There is probably one thing that every Filipino abroad has in common, whether they are OFW, brides, family members, or tourists. Once you leave the Philippines it isn't long before you start getting the question from friends, family, acquaintances and sometimes even strangers back in the Philippines. The question they all want answered is always something like this: Will you lend me money? Will you give me money? Will you help me?

For some reason a stereotype exists in the majority of the Filipino community that once you are abroad you have expendable income to spend as you please as if you have won the lottery or some grand prize contest. Perhaps they assume that since the Philippines is known as a poor country that money must be falling from the trees in other places. Perhaps it is the poverty and lack of global social awareness, mostly due to a lack of education and the lack of steady employment in the Philippines, which creates a desperation in those people that overrides their logic and common sense. Regardless, to them you are abroad therefore you are rich and they want a piece of whatever it is that you have. They don’t take in to consideration that you being in a more prosperous country means there is a more substantial cost of living too. This means higher bills, higher taxes, and less social assistance to the Filipino aboard. All that combined usually means that the finances of the Filipino abroad can be just as conservative as those at home and sometimes even more so.

This scenario is most especially true for many of the Overseas Filipino Workers (OFW). Often times these people are working medial jobs with average-to-low level income for the country they reside in. Any other person working that kind of job in any country isn’t going to have much financial flexibility at the end of the day when bills are paid and food is on the table. Many OFW also endure extreme hardships in their work abroad due to the dangerous industrial, economic, and social settings that they are thrust in to when they venture abroad. Then at the end of their hard day of work they are pressured yet again, not by a hostile society or boss, but by their own friends and family demanding favors. There are some exceptions to this scenario for those OFW that are well educated or fortunate enough to land high paying jobs abroad. It is not unreasonable for those back home to ask for some assistance from a high paid individual but still there should be limits. Even in that case the same question endlessly beckons from home and from so many people. It is too much for one person alone to assist everyone that asks something of them.

Another common stereotype that factors in to this equation are the Filipinas that travel abroad to be with their love interests. Unfortunately many of these women marry men, typically much older men, for financial reasons. I say this not to be critical of them but simply as a statement of fact. They seek what they believe to be a more stable environment where money is more freely spent and used as they please. Despite the common stereotype of the rich older man and the younger Filipina, this is more often not the case. These women that choose this path are often subjected to abuse, criticism, neglect, and virtual slavery. In addition to that the vast majority of the men married to these Filipinas are not as rich as they may appear to be to the people in the Philippines. Again, the cost of living, economic environment, and various other factors often distort what people in the Philippines perceive to be wealth. As a result of this, people back home ask for amounts for money from those that don’t really have money to give. This causes problems in the relationship between the Filipina and her husband as well as between the Filipina and her family. For those few Filipinas that are actually married to rich (old) men it is possible for them to assist their family or friends back home but again there has to be limits. To ask too much does harm to the relationship between the Filipina and her husband, possibly the family and friends of the husband too. People in the Philippines need to learn to respect that and know their limits.

Not all friends and family back home in the Philippines are entirely naive about the realities facing Filipinos abroad. Those that understand the reality are those that have an open relationship with the Filipinos abroad and talk about their living situation and what it is like being where they are. They understand because they listen and don’t assume that the stereotype is true. More over, when people from the Philippines travel abroad to visit their friends and family for the first time, I think their eyes are opened to the reality of what it means to live in other countries. They see first hand that extreme poverty can and does exist in every part of the world. Unfortunately it sometimes also exists even for the Filipinos that are abroad. Those that understand what it really means to be abroad are not the ones constantly asking for loans and hand outs. They graciously accept anything they receive knowing that their loved ones are sending whatever they can and they are satisfied with that. That is how the friends and family members of any Filipino that is abroad should act. Be humble and gracious with whatever your loved ones do.

Still for the most part it doesn’t matter what your circumstances and living conditions are while abroad. To those back home in the Philippines, all they want to know is when you are going to send them money, how much are you going to send, and if not why aren’t sending money home if you are so rich from being abroad. Filipinos that are abroad have come to expect this from their fellow Filipinos back home. It is a sad but all too common. Those both abroad and at home have to learn to talk about these things with an open mind and not assume anything to begin with. Only then will the Filipino community be able to look past the stereotype and have realistic expectations about what to expect from those that are abroad. This will make person that is away from home content and happier, and it will make for a more understanding group of friends and family at home.

i challenge you to be where they are now in a year's time

"i challenge you to be where they are now in a year's time" - g


a year ago that line was thrown at me on one of my blogs by a sister of someone i know...... it was both an insult and a challenge and this is what i would play in my head over and over whenever i'm feeling dismayed over something....

so where am i now?

let me enumerate...

1. let's just say i have more than what "they" have and could have........what they can achieve in 5 years time i can achieve in a year........... i'm not saying i'm rich, what i'm saying is i don't have to sweat it out (literally) and work my butt off for long hours to achieve my goals because all i need is a fully functional left side of the brain........ what "they" can do, everyone else can do, you don't need a bachelor's degree for that............. but what i can do, only a selected few can do......  modesty aside, to be a software engineer in the U.S is a difficult job to get, that should tell you something........ no, i'm not talking about L1s (which is fairly easier to get), i'm talking about getting H1Bs, where you have to compete with all other americans (and indians) .....

2. while it is true that they do have the bragging rights, i'm afraid bragging rights won't bring food on the table and it won't give you the quality time you need for yourself.....

3. S&P 500 index

4. i earn an honest living...no cheating the IRS, or BIR...


let me share what my friend's advise to me was that time when i was upset about "something":

"they're jealous of what you have achieved....... you're a software engineer in the U.S. and you have your own company........... you almost have everything everyone can dream of so they're punishing you for that........ they want to take away something from you so you won't be as perfect anymore.......

you know what the best revenge would be? be successful...... you made it to america because you have the skills, the brain & the guts that they don't have, take advantage of it..... save, save, save...... so that while they're still working their butt off and scouring for every dime and penny they could find, you're already way ahead of the game in achieving your goals....... let them enjoy all the bragging rights they want, bragging rights won't make them a millionaire in the shortest amount of time, you're being a software engineer will...." - b


"i challenge you to be where they are now in a year's time" - g

so where am i now? i'll let you answer that question.....

p.s.
you know what they say, robbers teach us to watch our purse
the same way that mean people help us to strive to be better..

filipinos have a very bad reputation in this country...

it might be just a joke on your part but it was kind of insulting when you asked me if i'm sure i wont turn out like that filipina you saw on tv. if it makes you feel better, i won't marry you, so there's no need to be paranoid about me bumping you for insurance.


i know filipinos have a very bad reputation in this country because they think all of us are just after the "colored" card or the citizenship and i won't deny that there are filipinos who do that. unfortunately, because of that stereotype, even those who are making an honest living, who are educated and have stepped foot in this country because of their special skills and intellect are also stereotyped that way. unfair? yes, but what can we do? we can't make narrow-minded people to open their minds and accept that there are other facts aside from their own.


in the philippines we are not considered rich nor are we considered poor because we own a house (and a few lots) & my parents were able to send me to a very reputable school. unfortunately, in this country's standard, we are still considered poor and that's based on the number of bedroom our house have. we may be considered poor in this country's standard but i wasn't raised to be greedy. i understand if thoughts of me being after your money cross your mind sometimes and it doesn't help that some of your friends think of it that way too. what can i do. i'm a filipino. from a third world very poor country and any one who's from a first-world country tend to look down on us. i cant change that general perception but let me tell you one thing--- my life doesn't revolve around money and i believe in hard earned money. i pride myself as someone independent, i know how to get the things that i want thru hard work and patience and i dont enjoy being a parasite. i hate to burst your bubble, but i don't need you to make my dreams come true....

my ex is getting married....why am i upset?

note: DONT jump the gun and dont come to me telling me how sorry you are for me...read the whole thing, first......sheesh!

how am i supposed to react? i can't just shrug it off. why am i upset? i shouldn't care, right?  but why am i upset? am i still inlove with him? NOOO! that can't be, i have a boyfriend, for pete's sake!........i think it's my ego....yeah, definitely my ego....oh gawd, i want to cry....why, why, why am i upset?!

that's my friend, by the way not me........and as of this writing none of my exes is getting married, none that i know of anyway........

so anyway, my friend started asking me how i would feel if i found out that one of my exes is getting married...........my reply? i just shrugged................ then she mentioned a particular ex that i have been with for some time....she asked me how i would feel if i found out he's marrying his girlfriend after much lesser time than when we were still together................again, i just shrugged.............. and her eyes opened like a flying saucer in disbelief, LOL......... she thought i turned into an ice queen....


so i had to explain that thoughts of that did actually popped my head and it did upset me but i had to re-channel that negative thought which brings these two items:


"one. he just really thinks i'm not "the one" he wants to exchange I DO's with.....which, by the way, i have already accepted....no need to brood over the past.....it's not healthy....and besides, to be with someone for the rest of your life is a HUGE commitment so you better make sure you're really "sure" of what you're getting into........

two. he might have learned his lesson that if he makes a girl wait that long again the girl would just pack-up and leave....."



so what's this about being upset when your ex got married first? why does it bothers us even if we know we don't ever want to get back together with them? is it wrong to feel upset?

when i was single i would think of that scenario a looot.....and it's ugly...... it's like my self-esteem is attempting a kamikaze........so i learned to divert my negative thoughts into a more positive scenarios and here's what my brain cells came up with......

one. we're prolly pissed because we feel like we lost the race to the altar........... but we have to understand that getting married first is not a race, nor a competition...... there's no limited supply on love that if the ex got married first there won't be any love supply available for us.......

two. sometimes we have a quick thought of "what is wrong with me that we couldn't work it out and he/she didn't choose to marry me?" but "sometimes" that's not the case...... to each to their own path, to each their own way, to each their own time......... just quickly reassure yourself that both of you just weren't right for each other and that your time will come........

am i saying it's not right to feel upset? of course not.... it's a natural reaction......

not just because you are seeing somebody else, that doesn't mean that all our feelings toward the previous people in our life have dried up and disappeared............... that's not the way emotions work, sometimes.......... like my favorite quote says, time doesn't heal the wounds it just softens the pain and blurs the memory........ which means, fragments of the past is still there so there would be people in our life that we'll always have residual feelings for and yes, it doesn't just shut off............ so no need to feel guilty that somebody who was a big part of our life once still has the power to affect us in this way, sometimes that's just how it goes........ but that also doesn't mean we would allow that feeling to eat us....... get a tub of icecream, go get blotto, be around friends..... then move on....... always remember, you have something that the person he/she married with don't and will never have--- you are the one that  got away .........