'tis the season to be jolly?

i should be happy.... some people would sell everything and do anything to be able to live and work in this country..... i got here almost effortless.....



i should be happy..... i am not affected with this recession thingie (pwera usog).....



i should be happy i have a nice aparment, a nice job, friendly co-workers......



i should be happy..... i have my friends here who i consider as my 2nd family....



i should be happy.... and thankful....



but once i closed my door and i'm all alone facing the empty walls of my apartment, that's when it would hit me that my life sucks and that i'm not truly happy........ indeed, money isn't everything.......... and it's seasons like these that i become all melodramatic and the suck-ness magnifies a thousand times.......






p.s.

time for zyrtec...
i am so gonna get drunk tonight......
need to release some pent up
emotions....



p.p.s.

damn those lying, heartless, selfish people
who have been sucking my tears out
from my tearducts...... you can suck my tears
out but not my life.... and remember, karma
is a bitch....

i need your ID miss..

i was at a wine and spirits store near my place yesterday to buy some bottles to give as presents......i bought some for myself too, a champagne and japanese sake for cooking......... when i got to the counter:

old guy: i need your i.d. please.
me: *trying to hide a very wide grin while i look for my driver's license*
old guy: *looks at the driver's license then at me* wow, i thought you were just 21..
me: thank you, that's very nice of you...
old guy: wow...u really look like ur just 21
me: *lol* thanks


ahhh.... don't you just love it when people thought you were younger, i know i do, lol........


i was supposed to be on leave starting today and go somewhere out of state because a friend told me he's taking me somewhere as a present for my birthday but he just disappeared............ he doesn't return my calls or text messages and the only thing i remember was i texted him a week before to ask him if i'm seeing him that day because if not i'm going out w/ my other male friend (i need to accompany him to an asian market)........ he never returned my calls and text messages after that....... and i'm not sure if he's just mad at me or if something bad happened to him........ i hope he's just mad at me and nothing bad happened to him......... but if he's mad i hope he'll tell me why.........



so far my birthday is ok........ there was just one mean guy so far and i just sure hope he's just joking around because i don't like it when someone raises his/her voice at me.......... plus i really don't understand why some people thinks that throwing insults or being mean is a cool way of joking around.........



anyway, but so far i'm good....... i had a doctor's appointment this morning and got lucky when my fave shuttle driver found me waiting for a bus and he sang happy birthday to me on the way to the train station, that's really sweet........ i have several friends who also called to greet me personally and some other greetings thru emails, friendster, facebook, multiply and yahoo messenger-- thank you everyone, you know who you are! mwah!



i got myself a $60 amazon gift certificate from a special friend back in Manila (thanks again!)....and again thanks joy for the magic sing extra mic (we'll be using it this friday night!), alve for the moshulu gift certificate (im still looking for a date to go there, lol)



i'm in the office right now waiting for our 2pm holiday party......... yes, lots of good food-- on my birthday!

ego doesn't get you anywhere....

they say you shouldn't linger too much in the past...
it halts your growth.... you need to learn to let go.....
but i still find myself hoping for the good 'ol familiar past...

my friends said sacrifice is the best policy...
but why should i be the one to do the sacrificing?
yeah, ego sometimes doesn't get you anywhere....

but i still dream...

i still sometimes secretly wish....

that someday... someday...

i can still turn back time...

and i will see my iMac again and that the iMac is still in the market waiting for me....

p.s.
only those who have been part of that "past" will be able to decipher what i mean by this blog..

 

what? girls can't court? bummer...

lol...

i know, i know, i shouldn't complain....... that's the norm, specially in my culture............... filipinas are expected to just wait and pray hard very hard that the man she likes likes her too and that eventually he would make a move and start courting her.............. she can't do the first move or drop a hint, that would be unacceptable (but i have ways around this,  shhhh, lol)........... because if she did people might label her as flirt, walang delicadeza ........

and so we girls wait......

...... and pray.....

.... and maybe go to saint jude.....

.... or write to diaries, tee hee hee.....

...... and daydream.......

......  and daydream some more......

oh, and yeah, goodluck if the man you like is torpe or is too scared to even talk to you............ and can't even look at you straight in the eye..........

*sigh*  life.....

p.s.
yep, i made my research
no kids....smart.... stable....
single..single..single

 

i need distractions

a lot of distractions........

i need things to come to pass--fast...... the frictions in the going-ons of my life is starting to build up and i need some sort of outlet to keep my brainwaves in the right direction......

i wish it's already june 2009 or even march 2009 is fine...... i want to prove something to myself and time is my only ally.........

no one has ever fought to be with you....

i got this from a blogger i frequently stalk, lol..... hi "j" i hope you don't mind me echoing your blog.... it's just that i can so relate to this.... *big sigh*

"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."

Translation : It's not sadness nor fear that is hard with being alone but the acceptance, that out of billions and billions of people in the world, no one has ever fought to be with you.

and it doesn't help to come home to an apartment with no one to greet you but the four empty walls and it sure doesn't help either to spend your weekends alone trying so desperately to entertain yourself to drown away the feeling of emptiness.....

hayyyy.....

p.s.
i don't care if you are rolling your eyes again
because i'm being melodramatic....
hmpf!

on filter mode..always on filter mode..

all of us at some point in our lives have been hurt and betrayed...
which leads us into having trust issues....i know i do.... that is why i am always on filter mode.....
but i only have trust issues when it comes to relationship but not with friends....atleast not yet, but it looks like now i have to be careful whom to trust in my circle of friends....

yes, i'm so tired and stressed out about what's been happening since november..... i have cried. i got mad. and i don't know how many times i have screamed "leche nyo" (yes, that's the only filipino curse words i can utter)........

but at the end of the day i keep asking myself, is it worth it to use my "powers" on negative things? it won't change anything...... so i try to move on and forget until something would trigger that "emotion" again...

yes, i'm still not over it 100% so i'm afraid you "might" still see me yapping about it thru my blogs for days to come...... i just need a way to spit it out and blogging is my only source of therapy........

but when i'm done i'll make sure to leave something for you to think about....

travel factor officially hates me now..

i think......

they haven't replied to any of my emails... i have sent them a few, including follow ups on my copy of the "corporate agreement"....... they also change the password of our corporate email account so now i can't log in...... i'm still a legal partner/owner of Travel Factor until dec 31st, 2008, fyi

i am so tempted to make this blog public..... i think the public has the right to know what's going on with Travel Factor.....

 

they officially hate me because i sent them an email that contains these:

- 30,000/month salary for each 3 major shareholders is i think too much.... that's 90,000/month
- what if the income is less than 90,000 or exactly 90,000? tough luck for "minor shareholders"?
- why 30-30-30-5-5 and not 20-20-20-10-10?
- does it really have to be 30-30-30-5-5 PLUS a full time salary on top of that? can it be 30% OR full time salary?
- if major shareholders is asking for a full time salary for being full time employees, can minor shareholders get a part-time salary too? say, 5,000/month?
- can TF just hire employees? like, 3 maybe, for 15,000/month so all owners can go back to their day jobs? think of how much TF can save...
- 30% share PLUS a full time salary really sounds, I'm sorry I have to use this word, greedy to me....
- if I may ask, what exactly is the reason why you proposed to give me 5%? to shut me up? pity? consuelo de bobo? so as not to hurt my feelings? as one of the major "foundations" of travel factor a "generous" 5% is kinda insulting.....
- I have learned a lot while I was still with TF and I think i'm ready to be on my own. I am ready to let go of TF and start my own.
- with this, may I humbly request not to use the Travel Factor name anymore?
- since I named the Photoholic and i conceptualized and named the Surfvivor series, may I also humbly request not to use those names anymore?

about Liquidation process for Dec 2008:

- we are all aware that two of the partners, A & B, started really enjoying working with Travel Factor and instead of having Travel Factor to be just a part time thing for all partners (as originally planned) they decided to quit their day jobs, at their own free will.
- There is no part of the Corporation Agreement that we all signed mentioning about full time salary should anyone decided to quit their day jobs and work full time for Travel Factor.
- There is no clause in the Corporate Agreement that mentions "One or two partners have the right to demand a full time salary on a whim without written signed agreement".
- But, as a sign of goodwill, i'm proposing 20% of TF's total income as A & B's incentive for their hardwork and dedication.
- Incentive, not salary. ...If you want to declare this as salary make sure to remit your income tax accordingly or Travel Factor might get in trouble with the BIR for not remitting their employees taxes.
- I honestly think this is a fair enough set up. Both A and B are being compensated fairly for all their hardwork even if this is not part of the Corporate Agreement and at the same time all the partners will get what is legally theirs.  
- unfortunately, I have never seen the books and I was never updated on the income, So it looks like A and B have the upper hand on how honest and how much they are willing to share the correct figures.

 

other Thoughts on A and B's decision to work fulltime
(this is copy-pasted from original email that i sent them)

Don't get me wrong, ofcourse I am not against their decisions of quiting their day jobs and working full time. I don't have the right to tell them what to do or what not to do. That's their life. Same way that they can't tell us what we should do or what we shouldn't do.We all have our own freewill. It was just unfortunate that with this decision of doing full time, they realized they're losing their sense of life balance (and I am sorry to hear that) which then resulted to a decision to kick out (or demote) the unsuspecting partners.

My apologies for bringing this up again, but in my humble opinion, I sincerely believe it is not the other partners fault that A and B lost their social lives and sense of life balance because they decided to work full time (at their own free will) and having said this, this shouldn't be a ground for kicking out or demote other unsuspecting partners or to make them feel guilty about not being able to work full time like what they did.

I'm just wondering, if A and B really feel that the set up is unfair why not just resign and put up their own company? Why impose such drastic measures of "reorganizing" the company? I just thought the "reorganization" is unethical and one-sided and selfish. Just my opinion.

with these i saw some ym status that says: (i hope this isn't for me)
- pag di mo ako tinigilan mapapatay kita
- ikaw na ang bida

other issues i'm having from A & B and the new partner:
- they have changed our corporate email password even if officially i am still a partner
- partnership expires end of december 2008
- im asking for my copy of the corporate agreement (i left the philippines when SEC returned the papers to us) and they're ignoring my emails

 

on google phone

it's been 2 years..time to change!

i think ...........

 

i'm not really sold on this idea yet..... what i do know is i like having a phone that uses a sim card (sprint doesn't).......... i kinda miss those times when i was still in philippines and i can change my cellphone when there's a new nokia phone in the market and the one before that new model is already on sale...... yeah, i'm not one for upgrading to the latest cellphone model, i usually get the phones that are 1 to 2 models older than the newest model.......

so anyway, here's the thing........ while i do love my sprint network because of the free incoming plan that i have, i'm thinking of switching over to at&t or t-mobile so i could get this phone -> http://www.nokiausa.com/N96 


but i'm more leaning into getting the at&t because of the roll over minutes...... but i kinda like the t-mobile too because of the fave 5 plus they have this very cool phone from google ...... have you heard of the google g1? see that image? that's the phone........... i saw it from one of my friends and it's really cool! the o.s. is called android and it's open source and that means there are a lot of free applications that you can download and that also means you can also write your own application!  coolness! 

ok, enough, you can just read it here..............  i don't want you to think that i'm a geek (because i'm far from it),  but i'm telling you that google g1 phone really rocks....... too bad only t-mobile has it........

anyway, i dunno...... my contract with sprint doesn't expire until march..... so i still have 3 months to think about it.........

p.s.
but then again,
the price of both these cellphones
is almost the price of one
Sigma 12-24mm (wide-angle) lens...
*sigh* decisions...decisions...

pacquiao at hooters

me      : hey where are we watching the pacquiao-dela hoya match?
friend1 : i don't know, but i heard we'll just go to hooters
me      : oh, they have it there?
friend1 : yep
me      : cool
friend2 : hey people, don't forget, sheila's house, saturday, pacquiao, after practice
me      : oh really, is there free food?
friend2 : i just know im marinading something....
me      : good, forget hooters....it's sheila's house then *lol*


p.s.
and i don't care if sheila's house is 45 min away from my place.....
thank goodness for my "mababait" brothers who never gets tired of giving me a ride, lol

 

baking moment : thanksgiving hang over

i tagged along with my friends to do a volunteer stuff at a church along north broad street...... they needed help to pack food so they can distribute it to those who can't afford thanksgiving dinner............ we also helped in serving lunch for the less fortunate who were invited at that church.......

anyway........

part of the menu is baked sweet potatoes......... i was in-charge of serving cranberry sauce and buns but boy, i keep eyeing those sweet potatoes that when it's our turn to eat i didnt care about the turkey anymore and went straight to the sweet potatoes....... and i had like 3 servings, lol (takaw!)

so anyway, i was still thinking about it that i asked a co-worker how to do it and i finally did it yesterday..... i just added marshmallows with mine....

here's the recipe -->baked sweet potatoes

enjoy!

need help on camera settings

ok, yes, i admit i suck when it comes to taking photos of people......... my, eherm, photography magic power only works on taking landscape and inanimate objects  but never people..... and it doesn't help that i have unsteady hands so indoor photography is my weakest, weakest point.....

enough of the adlibs..

can someone please give me some camera settings:

1.  if i need to take pictures of people inside a room with just ambient lighting (you know those  yellow bulb thingies)
       a. if im using no external flash and using a 50mm prime lens
       b. if im using an external flash and using a 50mm prime lens
       a. if im using no external flash and using a kit lens 
       b. if im using an external flash and using a kit lens 

i just need the aperture, iso, shutterspeed and if i'll be using an external flash what should be my flash settings? argh, that's another bummer..... i am, for the life of me, a flash photography idiota..... i just noticed that when i use flash the picture gets darker...argh, i really sound pathetiec, lol.....

i'm sorry i am so clueless about portrait shots.... but will you help me? a married couple close to my heart is celebrating their 10yr wedding anniversary and they asked me a favor if i could be their designated photographer and i can't say no and i dont want to disappoint them ........

please?

updating my bday/christmas wish list

 

categorized according to price (o.c. eh, ano pa ba, hehe)


cheap: ($50 and below)

- F.R.I.E.N.D.S DVD (i already have 1-4 and 10)
- a spa gift certificate from pierre and carlo
- gift card from bath and body works
- a gift card from my fave shop, charlotte russe
- a gift card from papa johns pizza (yep, i love their pizza!)
- a gift card from carrabas or chillis or olive garden
- small paper shredder
- peach roses
- a bear from build-a-bear that looks like me, lol (vain!)
- shark vx1 cordless floor and carpet sweeper
- pyrex baking dish
- capo for acoustic guitar
- cheesecake from sayitwithcheesecake.com
- issey miyake
- or clinique happy
- some DVDs (its in my amazon wishlist )




semi expensive: ($100 and above)

- portable photo storage
- apple ipod nano 4gb silver (2nd generation not the latest)
- a coffee table..i mean this coffee table
- a technomarine watch (go to my amazon wishlist to see what i mean)
- broadway show at timesquare NY (any show)
- massaging chair cushion (5 type settings)




pricey!

- a wii and a wii fit
- nikon sb-800 flash
- wide angle lens
- new 13 or 14" notebook (dell or hp or mac, hehe)
- adobe lightroom
- or adobe CS
- roundtrip plane ticket to Rome or Amsterdam
- or utah (i am so going to utah next year)
- electric kick scooter  (amazon sell this for cheaper price)
- irobot scooba



used to be in my wishlist but i already have:

- a takamine gs330S guitar     <--- bought one for myself  

- a nice dinner at moshulu or anywhere nice....if i need to wear some fancy dress then much better! lol ..p.s. i want to dine in at some authentic italian restaurant (yep! i love anything italian!)     <--- thanks to alve! mwah! now i need a date (eherm, friendship n. e.? can you hear me? lol)...

- san francisco  <--- already have the tickets (san francisco and l.a.)