mahilig ako sa "S".....bad ba yun?

oo. mahilig ako sa "S". normal lang naman yun e di ba? explain ko.

simulan natin sa tanong na. sino si sweet_sentiments.

sabi nila kamukha ko raw si martina hingis pero mas feel ko na sabihin nyo na kamukha ko sa maria sharapova. bakit parang nasusuka ka. hindi? hindi ko kamukha? yaah! hiyah! hiyah! o di ba, sound-alike naman kami? pede na yun. pumayag ka na! naman. kala ko ba prenship tayo. hmpf.

anyway.

so bakit sweet_sentiments. ewan ko nga ba. basta ang alam ko nung college ako transition acid ang handle ko sa mga chat rooms. e biglang nalimutan ko password ko sa yahoo account ko so kelangan ko mag-isip ulit ng bago. basta gusto ko kasi two words. tapos habang nagmu-muni-muni ako ng magandang handle sumisipsip ata ako ng stork na candy nun. e di ba matamis yun. pangit naman kung sweet_maanghang di ba. kaya kelangan ko mag-isip ng iba. e nung time na yun nage-emote ata ako. kaya sentiments naisip ko.

sweet.

sentiments.

inulit-ulit ko yan sa utak ko habang nakatitig ako sa batok ng babae sa harap ko. then finally.

hmm, pwede! !

oops. lumingon ung batok. tumingin na lang ako sa kisame. at nagpanggap na nanghuhuli ng langaw. nung nde na nakatingin si batok. punta na ako sa yahoo dot com.

"do you want to sign up for a new account?"
hell yeah!
and sweet_sentiments was born.

punta naman tayo sa hobbies. para masaya. at alam ko curious ka na sa S na sinasabi ko.

mahilig akong magmasid ng magagandang tanawin. like fwet ng tao. lalake o babae. di pede mukha. rude to stare. achaka. mahiyain ako di ba. LOL. anyway, speaking of fwet. nung 1st time ko nakarating ng america nde ako na-culture shock. na-fwet shock ako. dito ka makakakita ng fwet na singlaki ng balloon. balloon na gamit sa hot air balloon festival sa pampanga ha. at pramis. mame-mesmerize ka. habang naglalakad ang may-ari ng ga-gargantuan na fwet na ganun parang nihi-hypnotize ka nya. parang sinasabi nya sa yo. tumingin ka. tumingin ka. tumingin ka. tip lang. try not to think of the song "drop it like it's hot". bakit? subukan mo. ewan kung makakain ka. tapos kwento mo sa kin ha. para pagtawanan kita.

teka. balik tayo sa hobbies.

so ano pa ba. mahilig akong makipag-socialize. masarap sumagap ng chismis e. kung sino na boyfriend ni ganito. ni ganyan. ano kamo? sino na "love layf" ni ayeen? teka ako nagkukwento. bawal kayo magtanong.

mahilig ako kumain kaya forever on a diet ako. filipino. indian. jamaican. italian. american. mexican. chinese. vietnamese. tabi-tabi-nese. turo-turo-nese. tusok-tusok-nese. basta edible. kinakain ko. anytime. any day. anywhere. mas expose sa alikabok the better kasi mas masarap yun. aba. case in point. na-try mo na ba magluto ng fishball sa bahay nyo? di ba mas masarap pa rin ang fish ball sa ayala? at mas masarap kumain ng fishball habang tumatakbo ka kasama ang fishball vendor dahil hinahabol sya ng mga tanod ng makati (kasi nga manong bawal daw magtinda jan. dapat dun sa kabilang block. tago ka sa puno).

oh! at ang pinaka importante. mahilig ako sa ...

"S"

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ano yung s? .

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"s" as in--

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sex ba?

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singing, gaga!

sus.

ewan ko sa yo.

why am i single?

i’m still taken aback when someone asks me that question, but somehow i’ve learned not to take the question as a threat, or as an insult or a way to mock me.......... yes, i am single and for a long time now.........no, it’s not because every man in the world is blind or because every man is with the wrong woman (i just got that line from the movie p.s. i love you) because they are not blind and they are with the right women........... i know why I’m single......... i know it's because of the wrong decisions i made......... i know it's because i control what i can't control and didn't control what i can control............. it's because some things are just not meant to be..........

yes, i’m single, and yes, it’s frustrating at times and yes it gets lonely........ but i also know not to judge my worth as a person by how many times i have been asked on a date or how many times i have gone out on a date (which by the way is not a lot...not that i'm rude but i still have "preferences" and won't jump and agree to go out with every guy who asks me out)........ sure, give me that "he's just not that into you" book/dvd............. offer to introduce me to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend.............. tell me that someday my time will come—that's kind of you......... but i still think that if someone asks me that question i would still cringe............. but i think i'm getting better in handling that question ("i think" as the operative word) because now i try to answer the question without needing to justify myself or taking it the wrong way and without feeling the need to punch that person who asked that question on the face, lol.......... that's a good thing, right? lol

i’m single for many reasons, some of them out of my control, some of them not, some of them good, some of them bad................ but i’m also single because maybe i just need to be comfortable with just being with myself first.......... learn to set what my real priorities are.............. maybe i need to learn a few things about life first.......... or maybe i'm bound for single-blessedness, who knows, right? but don't worry i think i’ll be just fine............. i will still try to date and fail and generate some hilarious misadventures........... but hey, at least those misadventure makes for some amusing stories......... well, once my pride recovers from embarrasment, that is.......

friend: why are you single? me: can i punch your nose now?

why are you single?

i’m still taken aback when someone asks me that question, but somehow i’ve learned not to take the question as a threat, or as an insult or a way to mock me.......... yes, i am single and for a long time now.........no, it’s not because every man in the world is blind or because every man is with the wrong woman (i just got that line from the movie p.s. i love you) because they are not blind and they are with the right women........... i know why I’m single......... i know it's because of the wrong decisions i made......... i know it's because i control what i can't control and didn't control what i can control............. it's because some things are just not meant to be..........

yes, i’m single, and yes, it’s frustrating at times and yes it gets lonely........ but i also know not to judge my worth as a person by how many times i have been asked on a date or how many times i have gone out on a date (which by the way is not a lot...not that i'm rude but i still have "preferences" and won't jump and agree to go out with every guy who asks me out)........ sure, give me that "he's just not that into you" book/dvd............. offer to introduce me to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend.............. tell me that someday my time will come—that's kind of you......... but i still think that if someone asks me that question i would still cringe............. but i think i'm getting better in handling that question ("i think" as the operative word)  because now i try to answer the question without needing to justify myself or taking it the wrong way and without feeling the need to punch that person who asked that question on the face, lol.......... that's  a good thing, right? lol

i’m single for many reasons, some of them out of my control, some of them not, some of them good, some of them bad................ but i’m also single because maybe i just need to be comfortable with just being with myself first.......... learn to set what my real priorities are.............. maybe i need to learn a few things about life first.......... or maybe i'm bound for single-blessedness, who knows, right? but don't worry i think i’ll be just fine............. i will still try to date and fail and generate some hilarious misadventures........... but hey, at least those misadventure makes for some amusing stories......... well, once my pride recovers from embarrasment, that is.......

 

on grieving process and pills...

is there a pill that would make you stop crying? i've been in crying marathon for weeks now and i know that's not good...... well, the only good thing that came out of it is that i'm losing weight...... i don't look like a tadpole because of my big tummy anymore, lol...

not to be melodramatic again but my life stinks right now and i am so very distracted...... a lot of things are happening all at the same time........... but i know i'll be ok..... grieving still, but i'll cope up......

i think volunteering in a hospice is somehow helping me in my grieving process........ when you're with people whose days are numbered and whenever you hear the stories that terminally ill people share or hear stories of fellow volunteers' experiences you will learn to appreciate your life a lot more and it gives you an eye opener on how to live your life better and how lucky you are to still have a full life ahead of you........ the other thing that i'm thankful about is learning about the stages of grief because it helped me understand my pain.......

there are 5 stages of grief: (1)denial and isolation, (2)anger, (3)bargaining, (4)depression, (5)acceptance.......... but these doesn't have to happen one after the other......... like, ok i'm in stage 1 today and after a month i should be at stage 2 and so on............. no, it could be stage 1 today and stage 5 tomorrow and then something would remind you of something and you're back in stage 1 or stage 2 in the morning and then stage 4 at night.......... or you can be feeling all 2 or 3 or all 5 stages at the same time........

i have been in and out of those stages for these past weeks except for stage 1 and 5...... i'm done with isolation and denial and have accepted the reality...... what i'm struggling with right now is 2, 3 and 4.......


nah, i don't need a pill to make me stop crying...... that's how i cope up.....

hey, happy anniversary..

it's been two years last february 16....

it's been two years when i first came here in the U.S as h1b visa holder....

it's been two wasted years..... two years of pails and pails of tears...... two years of never ending grief......

but it is what it is.... digging into the past and piling up regrets won't change what has already happened..... so what to do?


suck it up

p.s.
it's time for the walk of the living dead....
*auto pilot mode on*

hospice for valentines day..

someone asked me where i'm going for valentines day....

my answer? i am going to a hospice....

might as well die w/ a smile and a teriyaki sauce on my lips..

i got bored with the profile thingie i have in my friendster and facebook account.... so here's how it looks like now....lol

i'm all about balance... i try to keep things under control one day and out of control the next...peaceful one day, chaotic the next...see, it's all about balance!lol

i'm always curious and always willing to leap into unexplored territory just to see what's out there...i just hope i have enough money, though...oh, donations are welcome :P

i have one very good ingredient for coping up with lifes intricacies -- cry away ... yep, nothing beats a good long hours of crying for releasing negative emotions... that and playing wii...fine, that's 2 ingredients...

i love taking photos but i'd rather be in it, yep, infront of the camera...so pass me the tripod, please...

i run on coffee and snicker bars... and all other "not good for you" food.... we all have to die sooner or later, i might as well die with a smile and a teriyaki sauce on my lips...

on another note...

i was playing with logitech's universal remote...... setting up and stuff..... darn, that thing rocks! now i don't have to shuffle on 4 remote controls and i don't have to raise an eyebrow trying to figure out why the heck the volume button is not working (only to find out ofcourse that i'm using the wrong remote).....sweet!

kung ok lang sa yo...

i'm having a last song syndrome moment again, lol.

i attended a baby shower last saturday and ofcourse karaoke is part of the party, lol and one of my friends sang this song and i kept singing it on my mind over and over until now........ my friend told me this is the ultimate harana song and that they would actually do a "harana" (in the city mind you) singing this song, cute......... but my harana song would still be chasing cars, hehe...


True Faith Kung Okey Lang Sayo lyrics

‘Di malaman kung ano ang gagawin
Sa damdamin na ‘di ko maamin
Sa sarili
Kung bakit ka pa ba nandiyan

Sabi-sabi ng mga kaibigan ko
Huwag mong pilitin ang ‘di para sa ‘yo
Ngunit bakit hindi kita malimutan
Sa ‘yo ba’y OK lang

Habang tumatagal, lumalala, laging nagwawala
Tumitindi, umiinit, sumasakit ang dibdib
Kaya ako’y gumawa ng awiting ito na alay ko sa ‘yo
At sana’y pakinggan mo

Huwag ka sanang magugulat sa akin
‘Di ako sanay sa ganitong suliranin
Huwag kang matakot hindi ako manloloko
Kung OK lang sa ‘yo

Ngayong alam mo na, sana’y ‘di ka mainis
At pasensya na kung ako ay makulit
Pero kung gusto mo, ako na lang ang lalayo
Kung OK lang sa ‘yo

everything DOESN'T happen for a reason

i no longer believe that everything happens for a reason.....

because it's more like.....

everything happens as an aftermath of your decision...



i wish there's a cure for stupidity because i surely need a big dose.....
but oh well, it is what it is........
i can't bring back time with my non-stop bawling but i must admit that somehow it numbs the unwanted emotions......


it is true.......... pride really doesn't get you anywhere.....
i learned that the hard way....



p.s.
what have i done?

no need to go back..

i just found out that there's no reason for me to decide to go back to the philippines....

yep, pride won't take you anywhere.... i learned that the hard way...

God, help me...

25 thingies..

disclaimer: some posts here might be offending to some... so read at your own risk... i was tagged at facebook but i thought of reposting it here... some i just copied-pasted from my other randon thingie posts...my apologies if some are redundant.... ======================================== fine..i was tagged by 2 of my friends so i guess i can no longer pretend that i wasn't tagged, lol.... Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. (To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.) 1. if money isn't a problem (like if i won the powerball, hehe) i'd rather be working as a tour guide or a librarian somewhere in italy (italy fascinates me)...plus i'l'l have my own travel agency (sole proprietorship, this time) and a coffee shop too and maybe a spa business...i can dream right? 2. my favorite flowers are peach AND white roses...not OR.. A-N-D... 3. i'm anal retentive... think monica from f.r.i.e.n.d.s 4. i'm very stubborn...don't even test it.. 5. i used to own a travel agency but my partners surprised me and kicked me out ...why? go ask them... 6. i'm still dreaming of having my one-man photo exhibit (here's a sample: www.ayeenonline.com) 7. i took a course in setting up a travel agency and course on airline booking & reservation and making tour packages.. but i'm a graduate of b.s. in information and computer science... 8. i have been playing tennis since 1999 but i still suck at it, lol 9. there is this one person i see everyday that i really like and i like watching that person's back (i said back not butt, sheesh...loll) ...but i'm not telling, nah-uh... :P 10. you can see me at batas .45 (an fpj movie)... a-ha! got ur attention, huh..i was still very young that time..i'm at robin good too (go figure, lol) 11. i'm a cry baby (prolly caused by a glitch on my tear ducts)...and my tear duct is connected to my emotions... i cry when i'm angry, sad, happy... and i HATE it.. 12. i want to have my own coffee shop someday... and i love cappuccino, the sweet kind, like mocha wake up from wawa...oh yeah, i love wawa! 13. i have lived in 4 places : makati, north carolina (raleigh), new jersey (plainsboro), pennsylvania (philly, wyncote) 14. i love chicken..chicken cordon blue, chicken wings, chicken parmesan, fried chicken, tinolang manok, sinampalukang manok, chicken quesadilla.. anything chicken--cooked.. 15. and ribs but i hate steak (except the philly cheese steak, lol) 16. i used to love drinking but i suddenly acquired an alcohol allergy year 2002 (throat and eyes are itchy, air passage constricting, sneezing like crazy)...now i have to take allegra or zyrtec 30 min before i drink any alcoholic beverage (even if it's just 1%) 17. i love to read.. i read all genres, juvenile (HP, chronicles of narnia), philosophical (atlas shrugged, fountain head), inspirational (og mandino's, paolo coelho's), chic lits (jane green, marian keyes, etc), contemporary (jeffrey archer, sidney sheldon, nicholas sparks,etc), books about travelling, books about interior designs.. and i dont like my books being dog-eared.. 18. i'll go crazy if i don't get to travel in a new place atleast once a year... 19. i'm a hopeless romantic... i wish i'm not though, it gets me in trouble, tee hee hee 20. i love food...i love trying out different cuisines and trying out different resto...and desserts is my weakness... i love tiramisu and panna cotta and anything chocolate flavored.... and that's why i'm forever on a diet, hahaha...wait, speaking of chocolates...i like snickers, M&Ms w/ peanuts AND ferreros... 21. i talk to my codes/computer sometimes when i'm working...and i do make faces when my codes are not cooperating, lol... 22. i want to watch sharapova and marat safin play during the US Open or Wimbledon--live, in person, right there at the stadium.. 23. i can't live w/o music and yes i listen to country (i love keith urban and rascal flatts) 24. i almost got married (nope, no proposals he just suggested it) because of looming long distance problem but we decided it's not necessary so we shrug the idea off... 25. i need 3 pillows when sleeping-- under my head, over my head and in between my thighs (preferrably a body size pillow)...and i sleep like a cocoon--blanket over my face...and i sleep sideways with one of my arms under my pillow...one leg stretched while the other one is bent... im not sure why i'm sharing this too, it's rv's fault, lol i won't tag anyone.... so feel free to post ur 25 random thingies if you feel like it :)

hatching up more ways to hurt me

i just want not to be treated like a rug...is that so wrong?

i have been nice to you...

       now tell me, are you proud that you did what you did to me? are you?

are you and your conscience genuinely happy about the outcome?

      i hope you're not hatching up more ways to hurt me....