do you want the truth?

one of my sis at SFC visited me last night at my apartment for a one on one.... it was a good feeling to have someone (and a pinay at that) to talk about what's been going on with my life.... she made me feel so comfortable that i just started telling her some of the things that i wouldn't normally just tell anyone.... that's me.... if i'm not comfortable with you i won't open up.... i might tell you bits and pieces about myself but not the whole thing....

when i was younger i was a very reserved person.... i still think i am.... and i still find it difficult to trust someone and open up..... i might talk about some of "those things" but i choose what i share...... so most likely what i told you is not yet the complete story...... don't get me wrong it's not that i don't trust you it's just that i'm still in the process of accepting it and once i have accepted it that's when i'll start talking about them .....there are still lots of drama going on in my life and most of them are of my own doing..... that sometimes if i could just kick my butt i would because--

*sigh*

the thing is, i'm stubborn, always curious...carpe diem, that's how i live my life to the point that sometimes i don't pause to think if it would be good for me and that's how i get into trouble sometimes.... whatever comes to my mind and if i think i have the courage to do it i'll just do it even if at the back of my head i know the consequence might not be good..... and what if it did turned out bad? well, i'll cry, yes, then i'll shrug, eat some chocolates and then i move on... i'm not afraid to make mistakes..... and i try not to regret the decisions i made...... after all that's what's life is all about, trial and error, like math... but don't worry i learn from my mistakes.... i am stubborn but not stupid....

i'm not really sure where this blog is going but maybe it's just my way of opening up.... of making you understand me.... i am complicated.... i'm aware of that.... but i can be like water, changing shapes to adjust to whatever, wherever, whenever..... so yes, i can get along with just about anyone......i easily get bored.... what i want now may not be the same thing that i want 30 minutes ago.... i might like hanging out with you now but it might be different tomorrow and i might not tell you why.... i love spontaneity, i'm impulsive and that also means i change my mind a lot....

i can be nice and sweet and thoughtful, i don't get jealous easily (that's for insecure people)..... but i peel off easily when i see something in that person that i find threatening or when that person becomes too clingy...... i'm a free spirit, remember? i want my freedom! and yes, i flee if i sense that you would hurt me..... when i get mad at you, you won't hear me say anything but i will send you a letter and then you won't see me again.... i can't promise you tomorrow, i can't promise you a future but i can promise you the "now".... i am a "now" person....

again, i am complicated...don't try to analyze me or to change me... just go with the flow.... and we'll be ok.....