next chapter

i'm closing this chapter to start a new...

click me ---> AutumnWindsAndSummerBreeze.blogspot.com

walking down memory lane

so another year is about to end and 2012 is just around the corner....

and again, like i would always do since i started to learn about dates and time and calendars, i would look at a fresh new calendar, look at each of the months and days and wonder what those dates hold for me... and then i'll start reminiscing about things that have transpired during the last 360+ days and start being nostalgic... i'll find myself taking a walk down the memory lane again and sometimes i would go as far as 4 to 5 years ago...

four years ago was 2007... it was when i made a decision that i have to stop waiting..... as a matter of fact i'm not even sure there's actually something to wait for, so i thought i should just go ahead and do what i have been wanting to do all my life and see where that decision will take me... and so i left the country to try and work in the U.S. .....

2007 was a very rough time for me... i was crying buckets because of home sickness (i thought i never have this problem but when ur surrounded with strangers it will just sprung to life),  because i was missing someone and because i don't have a client and salary for several months and i'm just living off of $100/month allowance that my consultant employer gives me... i was worried that my dwindling savings in the philippines would dry up soon and i won't have money to send my dad.... i was scared there won't be food on the table and they won't be able to pay the utility bills anymore when i dont get a client in time...then ofcourse there's this business of trying to adapt... i also had no relatives in the U.S., no friends that i'm comfortable to pour my heart to.... i was scared about my future and extremely lonely... but alas! i found a solution to my loneliness!
or so i thought...

my solution didn't last, in fact, it actually made matters worst and so the tear ducts giveth, and giveth, and giveth, again, and again... i was left broken that i was cursing myself why i even left my country..... the only consolation i have though after that incident was that i did got myself a permanent full time employment on november of 2007 (2 months after "that" incident) but other aspects of my life are still trying to adapt and it was still downhill for me...

then i decided it's time to bounce back..... i'm alone in this country & nobody's gonna help me through but myself...... so i joined a group, the SFC (Singles for Christ) and attempted to make friends..... but somehow something changed me.... i became too cautious and wasn't as open like when i was back in the philippines....it was too hard for me to open up & be too comfortable with anyone because i'm just too scared to get too dependent and only to one day find myself being abandoned again and to have to adjust to being back to being alone again... i don't want to go through that roller coaster of emotions anymore..... so i try to keep people at arms length but please know that i do love and cherish those handful of selected close friends i have here in the U.S...they've been always there for me even if i sometimes seemed like i just disappeared on the face of the earth..thank you for being there for me, you know who you are...

so it was that way for me... i have my guards up all the time... i bought a cheap used car (my 1st sedan car with 100,000+ miles on it) so i don't have to depend on my friends driving me around... i try to distance myself from my friends and try not to ask favors because i don't want to be a bother to them.. i try not to suffocate them with stories about the not so good things that have been happening to me... i learn how to suffer alone and in silence... i figured they too have their own problems and i dont want to burden them with mine...i have learned to become independent in a whole new different level....

and then august of 2009 came...
i found my GG (God's gift) and things turned 180 degrees after that...its amazing how some twisted turn of events can take you to where you are right now..... it all seemed like all the things i went through and all the things i've said no or yes to all led me to this moment... that's why i'm a firm believer of "everything is half chance" and that "whatever decisions you make can either make or break you"... slowly things keep getting better... and better.. and better... 2010 came and went... then 2011 came...

it was a wonderful 2011 for me... i got engaged... im almost done planning two weddings... have visited 2 new countries... i left my apartment of four years and moved to a house... i have a new pet (a sweet female greyhound)... i changed employer... i'm back working in center city philadelphia (which i always love)... and a lot more small blessings that just keeps piling up!

yes, there's just too many blessings that it overwhelms me sometimes that i tend to get so teary-eyed counting them... there is indeed Someone watching over me...

   
p.s.
looking forward to meeting you 2012...

my last birthday.... as m.cruz

i just celebrated my birthday and i realized that's my last birthday as m.c. because on my next birthday i will be m.n.... no dash for me for practical reason (and which will be a separate blog)...

anyway, this post is really about my wishlist, lol....
i usually blog about my wishlist come september but got too busy and lazy, lol

so here goes, in no paricular order (kunyari excited kayo, lol)

0. macbook pro (but i got this already a few weeks ago as an early bday/christmas gift)
1. airbrush makeup system.
2. YMCA 1 year membership
3. Lightroom 3 for mac
4. mac mouse
5. iphone 4s case
6. issey miyake perfume
7. that photoshop actions im eyeing on.
8. and maybe giftcards from dress barn or macys or charlotte russe

that's it pancit!

battle of the wills

it still amuses me, and dont get me wrong i actually find it sweet, when "common friends" seem like they're the ones who haven't moved on yet.....

for those who still keep asking me the same question, this entry i posted a
month or so ago on my tumblr photo blog might somehow sum it up...

http://bottledmoments.tumblr.com/post/9413865970/day-5-things-u-want-to-say-to-an-ex-what#disqus_thread

 

all is fair in love and war...

all is fair in love and war...

nothing is out of bounds...

and there are no rules or restrictions....

wedding update - january 19

our philippines church wedding would be on January 19  and the U.S. civil wedding is tentatively on May 19.....

 

i think i've mentioned this before but it might be worth reiterating, we're pretty much done with booking our philippines suppliers.... we have booked the venue, church, photographer, videographer, caterer, string quartet, flowers, HMUA since january 2011.... we had to move quick because January is one of the peak months for wedding in the philippines and because our wedding venue is in demand....... and ofcourse, to LOCK the rates! you know how the suppliers are, they increase their price every year! anyway, what's left is the OTD (on-the-day coordinator).... but we might need more than an OTD.... we need a partial wedding planner because i would really need someone to run errands for me since we are an overseas couple....

May 19 is the tentative date for our civil wedding.... i said tentative because we haven't booked our venue yet and unless that is booked we can't claim May 19.... we're still busy with other stuff but hopefully we'll be able to start booking the major suppliers on September til October....i'm actually anxious to book the civil wedding venue because all my project is on halt mode unless we booked the venue....but we try not to get too overwhelmed....i try not to look at the "bigger picture" so i won't panic or get stressed..... one step at a time.... one "To Do" item at a time.... 

right now i'm just busy doing our mock-up WYB DIYs..... and last week i have just decided which design to use..... so excited to give them to our entourage....hopefully they'll all say yes...

the next thing on my plate is to start doing the barefoot sandals mock-ups.....

*WYB - will you be my ...  bridesmaid/maid of honor  groomsman/best man
*DIY - do-it-youself

 

the decisions you make in life define you

 

not the mistakes you did...
not what other people say..

its the decisions and the choices you made...

it doesn't matter if it's the right or wrong decision at that time but what you are right now, what you have become is still the product of those decisions...

so don't make a choice based on what's best for your ego...don't make a decision based on other people's point of view.... use your common sense, follow your heart then balance them out....

 

photo blog

 

since i love to tweet compared to blogging and i like tweeting pix i figured maybe its time to sign up for a photo blog...where i dont need to limit my caption to 140 chars.

here it is: http://bottledmoments.tumblr.com/

 

quinoa, my quinoa

 

i have been a fan of quinoa for just almost a year now....

i try to have my blogs organized so i'll just talk more about it here....

http://mindovercookie.blogspot.com/2011/08/i-discovered-quinoa-pronounced-keen-wah.html

 

 

show me an int'l tour package and I'll make you a DIY version

 

did you see an international tour package from a travel agency's website?
are you travelling in groups?
or travelling solo?
likes backpacking
likes DIY?
want to do the tour logistics yourself but you're too busy?

no problem!

show me the URL of the trip that you want me to DIY-zed and i'll post it here! i'll make sure it's cheaper than that travel agency...... just PM me or post it here, whatever you're most comfortable...

i'll be waiting!

p.s.
this is free don't worry

 

pangarap ni neneng...

i have several online diaries.... and i decided to shut them down one by one....well, not really shut down but its not public anymore..... and there's one blog site i have at xanga that i decided to revisit and have stumbled on this blog (click mo na lang para lumaki):

 it's just funny to think that seven years ago i was dreaming of all those things but i was able to accomplish them one by one... slowly but surely...

1. guitar lessons - check (this year ko lang natapos)
2. camera - check! but not canon (i have nikon D80)
3. coron, puerto princessa - check, check
4. siargao - check
5. pagudpud - check
6. rome, florence, venice, tuscanny, vatican, paris,versailles,geneva (lucerne not geneva) ,  singapore, cairo (soon) , california, new york  - check check check check !

so folks, never give up..... sabi nga ni lenny kravitz "it aint over til its over"!

 

 

mahirap maging masaya...

mahirap maging masaya para sa taong barubal at ginalit ka ng husto....

ang magsabi sa kin ng "move on"  o ng "forgive them"  sasapatusin ko! LOL
obviously hindi ka pa nagalit ng husto para maintindihan ang sinasabi ko.....
o siguro naranasan mo na pero sorry hindi ako plastic at hindi ako holier than thou tulad mo....

ako'y isang simpleng mamamayan na marunong mabuwiset at magalit pag ginawan ng kabalbalan

last,
ang magsabi sa kin ng "bitter" ako itatapon ko sa kumukulong kulangot, haha.
ang may karapatan lang maging bitter yung walang accomplishments sa buhay.(para maging clear, wala akong karapatan maging bitter, read between the lines please. or bili ka ng iodized salt).

super last,
di ko alam pano gawing hindi mukhang galit tong post na to e...hindi ako galit e, sorry to disappoint you,lol..... im just stating a fact....

 

DIY europe: Paris-Brussels-Amsterdam-Frankfurt-Luxembuorg: for only $870.57

$395     - Eurail for 5 Countries first class for 15 days
   78.84 - Paris 2 Nights Accomodation in a 4 bed mix dorm ($39.42/night)
   87.34 - Brussels 2 Nights Accomodation Twin Private Ensuite ($43.67/night)
 106.14 - Amsterdam 2 Nights Accomodation - Twin Private Shared Bath ($53.07/night)
   94.39 - Frankfurt 2 Nights Accomodation - Twin Private Shared Bath ($45.98 and $48.90)
   69.44 - Luxembuorg 2 Nights Accomodation - 6 Bed Dorm ($34.72/night)
   39.42 - 1 Night Accomodation Paris in a 4 bed mix dorm ($39.42/night)
----------------
$870.57

for more info: Backpack Europe!
Paris-Brussels-Amsterdam-Frankfurt-Luxembuorg: DIY for only $870.57

 

let's do a little math, shall we...

$1,700 - $870.57 =  $829.43 <-- the amount you'll save! if you notice that's almost twice the amount and it does look like YOU are the one paying for their tour coordinator's euro trip.....either that or the lanyard and t-shirts are just that expensive....

 

want a better deal? for almost the same price ($1,729.00 ) and same number of days you can see more interesting places..... how does rome-pisa-florence-venice-austria-switzerland-paris-london sounds?

go to:
http://www.cosmos.com/product.aspx?content=itin&trip=15910

shop wisely! don't get ripped off!
backpacking means cheaper....

 

everything in life is half chance?

everything in life is half chance...

things happened because you chose "no" over the "yes" or because you chose "yes" over "no".... and things won't happen as it is now if you chose the opposite...

make your decisions wisely...it will either make or break you....

 

dont let other people define you..

you are born a superstar  and it's up to you how you would keep it that way....

don't let other people define you....

ego does weird stuff

 

before you do something, anything, make sure it's for the right reason and it's not just your ego talking....

ego does weird stuff sometimes.....

i should know, at one point i allowed my ego to rule over me and the outcome was nasty...

 

i won't stoop down to your level

hate me all you want....... spread lies....... continue convincing yourself that you haven't done anything wrong....... continue planting lies on other people's head because you want their sympathy....... continue doing that malicious evil deeds of yours..... continue being the pathetic person that you strive to be....

i wouldn't care anymore....
and no i won't stoop down to your level.......
i would stand up, dust the dirt away, lift my head up and go the other direction....

i'll continue to shrug my shoulders and walk away from all the lies you spread and all the harsh words you uttered......  i'll continue to ignore you as if you're just a speck of annoying dust....... i'll continue doing things that i know you can't and will not be able to do......i'll continue going to places that you can never see nor reach (or atleast make sure i'll get there first)........ i'll continue to love which i know you are never capable of because of all the hatred in your heart.....


today, i'm turning my back away from all that is selfish, unjust and loathful  which you so represents...... because from now on i'll always walk in love.....

and i am forgiving you.....


for hurting me...
for spreading lies about me....
for destroying my dreams....


no i won't take revenge......
there's higher power who can do that for me.....and when that higher power finally decided to give you that "whip" of bad karma you'll remember me...... oh yes, you'll remember me....

don't underestimate the power of karma

 

ahh..

i knew someday those who needs to pay will pay.... that i don't even have to take matters into my own hands...

thank you bad karma for teaching the scoundrels of the world....

what goes around, comes around....

 

fondest memories of you and me

 

i only have the fondest memories of you and me, i hope it will stay that way

 

 

as the dust on my bookshelves as my witness

..... i am going to start reading again...

last book i have finished reading was fountainhead by ayn rand and that was a year ago....

i'm hoping to finish all the books on my shelf before i decide to buy one of those ebook readers.....


so, if you'll excuse me....it's time to bond with einstein's dreams....