i mentioned about our anniversary........ yes, if i was "behaving" it would be our 8th year (i misbehaved after our 5th 1/2) ............. that's what i keep telling my dad "no papa, it wasn't his fault, it was me"....... because it really was me....... i know he loves me, he's not the type who's vocal about his feelings but i know he loves me (or loved me) and i still feel so bad whenever i remind myself of the heartaches i have inflicted on him....... i really wish i could turn back the clock...... maybe i shouldn't have left the philippines........ we almost got back together if i didn't just packed and left my country......... i know he doesn't want me to leave but....but.... i'm stubborn..... full of pride........ i was waiting for him to stop me.....
someone told me i keep living in the past........ maybe i am......... but i don't care......... this is the only theraphy i know and that is to acknowledge what i'm currently feeling even if it means digging thru the past......... as much as possible i want to hit my current feelings head on....... sort them out, acknowledge that this is what i'm feeling, wallow on whatever that feeling is and when i get tired of it i'll move on.........
but right now, the only way to move on is to find closure....... and i have to see him........... if he accepts me again, well and good........ if not, if not..... *sigh* then that means i really messed it up........ it means it's high time to move on and i mean, really move on..........
yeah...yeah... i'm being melodramatic again, blame that time of the month! :P
0 comments:
Post a Comment