my ex is getting married....why am i upset?

note: DONT jump the gun and dont come to me telling me how sorry you are for me...read the whole thing, first......sheesh!

how am i supposed to react? i can't just shrug it off. why am i upset? i shouldn't care, right?  but why am i upset? am i still inlove with him? NOOO! that can't be, i have a boyfriend, for pete's sake!........i think it's my ego....yeah, definitely my ego....oh gawd, i want to cry....why, why, why am i upset?!

that's my friend, by the way not me........and as of this writing none of my exes is getting married, none that i know of anyway........

so anyway, my friend started asking me how i would feel if i found out that one of my exes is getting married...........my reply? i just shrugged................ then she mentioned a particular ex that i have been with for some time....she asked me how i would feel if i found out he's marrying his girlfriend after much lesser time than when we were still together................again, i just shrugged.............. and her eyes opened like a flying saucer in disbelief, LOL......... she thought i turned into an ice queen....


so i had to explain that thoughts of that did actually popped my head and it did upset me but i had to re-channel that negative thought which brings these two items:


"one. he just really thinks i'm not "the one" he wants to exchange I DO's with.....which, by the way, i have already accepted....no need to brood over the past.....it's not healthy....and besides, to be with someone for the rest of your life is a HUGE commitment so you better make sure you're really "sure" of what you're getting into........

two. he might have learned his lesson that if he makes a girl wait that long again the girl would just pack-up and leave....."



so what's this about being upset when your ex got married first? why does it bothers us even if we know we don't ever want to get back together with them? is it wrong to feel upset?

when i was single i would think of that scenario a looot.....and it's ugly...... it's like my self-esteem is attempting a kamikaze........so i learned to divert my negative thoughts into a more positive scenarios and here's what my brain cells came up with......

one. we're prolly pissed because we feel like we lost the race to the altar........... but we have to understand that getting married first is not a race, nor a competition...... there's no limited supply on love that if the ex got married first there won't be any love supply available for us.......

two. sometimes we have a quick thought of "what is wrong with me that we couldn't work it out and he/she didn't choose to marry me?" but "sometimes" that's not the case...... to each to their own path, to each their own way, to each their own time......... just quickly reassure yourself that both of you just weren't right for each other and that your time will come........

am i saying it's not right to feel upset? of course not.... it's a natural reaction......

not just because you are seeing somebody else, that doesn't mean that all our feelings toward the previous people in our life have dried up and disappeared............... that's not the way emotions work, sometimes.......... like my favorite quote says, time doesn't heal the wounds it just softens the pain and blurs the memory........ which means, fragments of the past is still there so there would be people in our life that we'll always have residual feelings for and yes, it doesn't just shut off............ so no need to feel guilty that somebody who was a big part of our life once still has the power to affect us in this way, sometimes that's just how it goes........ but that also doesn't mean we would allow that feeling to eat us....... get a tub of icecream, go get blotto, be around friends..... then move on....... always remember, you have something that the person he/she married with don't and will never have--- you are the one that  got away .........