From Inception to Deception plus Q & A

a note for myself
to remind me to always remain humble
and to never hold grudges
blog maia, regulai maia

2006	- 3 major "pasimuno" planned putting up the "thing". but needed 2 fillers. "type" needs atleast 5 people to be qualified as that  "type"
Dec 2006	- first project
Feb 2007	- (1) = US
May 2007	- official and legal and registered. (1) + (2) + (3) part-time
2007	- (2) quit day job/became full time. (1) + (3) still part-time
Mar 2008	- (3) quit day job/became full time. (1) still part-time
Oct 2008	- (1) booted out. reason: not in the same location as (2) & (3). can't full time. need full time peeps coz things are getting hairy.
2008	- suggestion: meeting before deciding anything. dont surprise attack coz its an unfair treatment.
	suggestion: hire people if things are already getting too hairy so nobody needs to quit day jobs.
	suggestion: make outline for clear delegation of tasks  for equal distribution
	suggestion: AND always keep "people" in the loop about projects so task distribution is easier
	question: why follow ups/inquiries/balikbayan projects gets ignored. answer: plan of booting out is in progress
2010	- hired people (finally) -  US (3)
	- question (3) = US  will  (3) be booted out? why? answer: ofcourse not. politics. - question: did (1) helped in the foundation? is  (1) the most well-travelled & well experienced in organizing/managing projects at that time. answer: yes and yes - question: when did (1) started organizing "projects"? answer: 2004 for pexersLibotPinas - question: (1)'s credentials? answers: TLRC's how to set up your own "txxxxl agency" and 2nd course on "airline booking, reservation, creating txxr packages" - question: so why booted out? answer: the "thing" is becoming famous, it's  up and running, it's  stable.  they got what  they needed from (1) so they don't have use for (1) anymore. oh. and (1) is in d US, they say (1) abandoned them. - question: abandoned? emails/chats/video conference don't count? answer: apparently, no. have to be physically there. - question: (2) & (3) changed their mindsand offered (1) 5% of the "thing", right? (1) should be thankful for that. answer: (1) felt insulted. plus after all the "drama" that transpired, joining them again will be awkward. plus it would be suicide. - question: why do they have to remove (1)? cant they just have (1) + (2) + (3) + (4) plus 2 fillers? answer: good question. because too many people will have to share the pie? because (1) is in the US and they don't like it that (1) is getting both worlds (US & owning a business).  i dont know. - question: does (1) knows how much the "thing" is earning answer: no. never saw the books. never tried to because i trusted them. - question: did (1) got anything after 2 years?buy out?salary? answer: none. just heartaches. - question: you think they'll get mad when they see this? answer: yes. as far as they're concerned they did nothing wrong. for them, just telling someone by email that you just got the sack and they don't need you anymore without a warning, a meeting and voting is absolutely the correct and most humane thing to do.  and as far as they're concerned (1) is the bad guy because (1) shouldn't let anyone know about what happened and should never complain about their decision. plus it's bad publicity. - question: bad publicity. so why does (1) still had to post this  answer: freedom of speech. blog maia, regulai maia. i'm sure "they" say things about (1) too. plus (1) is not mentioning names. - question: ur plan?  answer: no comment. i like to surprise people - question: does (1) hate 2 & 3?  answer: nah. just indifferent. - question: how about (4) & (5), does (1) hate them?  answer: it's mainly all (2) & (3)'s fault. im sure (4) didn't brain-washed them to kick (1) out. i hope. - question: what will (1) do if (1) sees (2) & (3) & (4) face to face? answer: smile and give them a friendly nod and continue walking.

dodging the boomerang of bad karma

money and fame isn't everything... if you have trampled on other people, treated people unfairly to climb your way to the top that only means one thing, you're a sociopath...

...do you seriously think you have done nothing wrong? that you've been fair and honest? do you really?

don't worry, i may give you a piece of my mind but i won't get even...why?  because  "blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5)

someday, all will be lost and you will remember me.....

someday, people will treat you the way you treated me, then you'll remember me.....

someday, one who is very dear to you will be treated the way you treated me, then you'll remember me...

what goes around, comes around....

so goodluck on dodging the boomerang of bad karma ...

sociopath... beware...

money and fame isn't everything... if you have trampled on other people, treated people unfairly to climb your way to the top that only means one thing, you're a sociopath...

don't worry, i may give you a piece of my mind but i won't get even...why? because "blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5)

someday, all will be lost and you will remember me.....

someday, people will treat you the way you treated me, then you'll remember me.....

someday, one who is very dear to you will be treated the way you treated me, then you'll remember me...

what goes around, comes around....

so goodluck on dodging the boomerang of bad karma ...

blog-less...no more...

uh.

i have stuff sitting on my "draft" closet but it contains just outlines and fragment of thoughts that only i can understand.... hopefully i'll get around into actually writing them...

but to give you a hint, here are the topics:

- memoirs of a F.O.B. in the U.S.
- tips for a shiny hair
- prodigal iphone daughter - samsung galaxy S vs iphone - (why i returned my samsung galaxy S and went back to my iphone)
- what to watch out for if you really had to use travel agency's service...
- what "googling" tells about you

UK visa..

one down (uk), one to go (schengen)...

nangangarap ako ng birthday trip e...

pero kelangan nang itodo ang powers sa pagtitipid! so, hmm, spam lang everyday para makaipon, haha...

o kaya tambay sa costco... titikim ng mga free samples, nakakabusog din yun! hi hi....


but i don't want to jinx it..... for now i'm still just wishing..... nothing is final until i book my flight.....and i don't want to book my flight until i have all the visas that i need...... so hopefully getting schengen visa would be easier since i now have my UK visa .... *crosses fingers*

how to eat tacos with grace

preparation.

kumuha ng tissue. check.

nakawin ang bib ng pamangkin.check.

titigan ang taco at hanapin ang vulnerable spot (tip na malupit: sa dulo ng taco, bandang kanan..shhh..secret lang natin yan)

syempre dapat mentally prepared tayo.
repeat after me.
ohmm. ohmm. ohmm.
mmmmmmmmmmmmm!




attack!!!

teka.

wag masyado excited.

dahan-dahang angatin ang taco sa kinalalagyan using your 2 hands.
dahan. dahan.

be gentle sa tacos.
pano mo malalaman na gentle ang pagkakahawak mo? kelangan nakataas ang dalawang pinky (hinliliit)

teka.

wag mong gamitan ng tissue ineng. matutunaw lang ang tissue dahil sa sauce, makakain mo lang ung tissue.

ok game na ulit.

dahan- dahang i-alma ang dulo ng taco sa yong bibig.
dahan. dahan.
dahan. dahan.

eps!

wag muna kakagat.

pag nasa bibig na.

kagatin ng dere-deretso.wag hihinga para wag magkaron ang tacos ng pagkakataon na lumaban. kagat.kagat.kagat lang ng kagat. wag pansinin ang mga nahuhulog na kamatis. na repolyo. na basag na taco. o ang nahuhulog na dandruff. pawis. kulangot, sipon, etcetera. concentrate. itodo ang powers sa pagkagat. mamaya ka na huminga. ano ba. kagat. kagat. kagat lang ng kagat.

finish na!

punasan ang bibig ng tissue.

at mag-smile.

ang saya di ba?

teka.

kamusta naman ang bib mo?

ayan. lagot ka sa nanay mo.

maghanap ka ng clorox at ibabad mo muna yan.


p.s.
so asan ang grace dun?
ay. wala ka bang friend na grace ang pangalan?
ay sadness. kawawa ka naman
ako meron eh.
kumain ako nang taco with my friend grace.

sorry. lost in translation. o sha mumog ka na.

5 fundamental laws of stupidity

1. Always and inevitably each of us underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation. [ayeen's notes: never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.]
   
2. The probability that a given person is stupid is independent of any other characteristic possessed by that person.[ayeen's notes: has MA? member of MENSA? it doesn't matter. stupidity is like a secret disease.]
   
3. A person is stupid if they cause damage to another person or group of people without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process. [ayeen's notes: i know a lot who falls in this category]
   
4. Non-stupid people always underestimate the harmful potential of stupid people; they constantly forget that at any time anywhere, and in any circumstance, dealing with or associating themselves with stupid individuals invariably constitutes a costly error.[ayeen's notes: yep, been there, done that and the outcome is NOT good]
   
5. A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person there is. [ayeen: hell yeah!]
   

- from Cipolla's five fundamental laws of stupidity

na-karma ako.....

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." - the alchemist by paolo coelho

kagabi, paglabas ko ng opisina (tinamad ako at late na akong pumasok kaya late na ako nakauwi)  ang ganda ng panahon...... hindi tumatayo balahibo ko sa lamig at hindi rin ganun kainit (magulo ngayon temperature dito)........ masarap yung simoy ng hangin parang christmas weather sa pinas...... "beep beep", tunog yun ni karsha na nag-unlock...... pasok ako sa kotse, binuksan ko bintana dahil mainit sa loob (yoko ng lamig ng aircon) at habang hinahaplos ko yung mini-rosary ko sa rear view mirror ni-recite ko ang personal prayer ko:

"Lord, keep me away from accidents, breakdowns,crazy and impatient drivers,
bless the road and everyone who'll share the road with me,
tulungan nyo po ako na maging attentive sa road  and to have a watchful eye  (oo taglish ako magdasal, lol)
and help me to get to my destination safely
salamat Lord"

nagsimulang tumugtog ang "falling for you" ni colbie caillat so syempre mega kanta ako dyan........ with matching papikit-pikit ng mata at sway-sway ng ulo at syempre tonsils showing...........kasehoda kung naririnig ako ng ibang motorista na nakababa din ang mga bintana dahil sine-savor nila ang masarap na hangin......tapos, habang kumakanta ako at hinihintay mag-green ang traffic light napangiti ako.... masaya ako....

i am surprisingly happy!

ang galing.... 3 years ago, about the same time depressed ako....... naalala ko yung sinabi ng isa sa importanteng tao sa buhay ko:

"wow, you've been thru a lot and you've come a long way....did you realize that?"


kala ng mga tao mayaman kami........ siguro dahil maarte akong manamit at dahil nakatapos ako sa magandang eskuwelahan....... oo, may sarili kaming bahay sa makati, pero maliit lang bahay namin...... isa lang kwarto, share kami ng kapatid ko dun...... papa ko natutulog sa sala, mama ko? hiwalay sila ni papa e..... since 13 years old ako......  wala kaming kotse, wala kami negosyo, pangkaraniwang empleyado lang si papa at natanggal sya sa trabaho nung ika-4th year college ko......... nag-try papa ko mag-invest sa isang pharmacy ng kaibigan nya....in-invest nya 80% ng severance pay nya ang kaso mo tinakbuhan sya.........hmm, parang sounds "pamily", genetic ata ang minamalas sa negosyo ah, mwehehe!...... anyway, ang saya-saya di ba? pang-renovate dapat namin ng bahay yung kalahati nun e, ni-invest lang ni papa para medyo lumaki.......... pero di na nya nakita yung nag-swindel sa kanya kaya wala na kaming pera, kaya sakto, pagka-graduate ko, P5,000 na lang siguro laman ng banko ni papa.......



naging ago-go dancer ako.....

1998.....pagkatapos kong mag-graduate kinapalan ko mukha ko para mag-exam sa scholarship sa ateneo...... sabi nung kakilala ko yun ang stepping stone ko para makapunta sa US....... nakakatawa pa, dahil sa isang simpleng mamamayan lang ako at ang goal ko lang e umabot sa grade quota ng computer science nung college at hindi ako part ng student body (but mind you asst secretary ako ng honor's society, lalang, feel ko lang magyabang, para kunyari matalino, haha) ay  hindi ako kasali sa "chosen few" na pina-exam ng dean namin para sa ateneo scholarship............... kaya ang nangyari, sariling kayod, ako mismo (kasama ang 3 ko pang kaibigan) ang kumatok sa ateneo at nagbayad ng sariling exam fee (the best P150 i have ever spent)........ nakapasa ako sa exam (pati ung 2 kong kaibigan) at ang sumunod ay interview ng company na magii-sponsor ng scholarship ko at magdadala sa kin sa land of opportunity............ at dahil magaling akong mambola, haha, napasa ko rin yun at nagkaron ng offer para pumunta ng new york para lipulin ang Y2K bug! o-ha........... oo, isa akong COBOL programmer noong early stage ng programming career ko...... so happily ever after na ba after nun?

hinde....

hindi ako napadala agad ke uncle sam.......... marketing problem daw........... at eto pa, pasaway ang (unang) employer kong yun............... oo, totoo, sila ang naglakad (actually takbo kasi ang bilis, haha) ng kauna-unahan kong H1B visa at sabi nila, aalis na ako papuntang yu-es-of-ey ng year 1998......... pero hindi nangyari e.......... at ang masaklap di kami pinapasweldo ng maayos....... halos isang taon akong nagtiis...... yung pangakong 17,000/month naging 7,000/month, minsan 2,000, minsan 4,000, minsan Post-Its lang, depende sa trip ng nagpapasweldo o kung ano sabihin ng crystal ball nya.......... naman! breadwinner ang lola nyo........ yung 5,000 sa banko ng tatay ko? juzkudey, long gone...... na-pupu at na-wiwi na namin ang pinagamitan nun...... yun ang dahilan kung bakit nagkandalubog-lubog ako sa utang, 2 credit cards day! gadz! que horror! so nag-sideline ako, bilang..... ago-go dancer

charing!

sori, can't help it e......maganda sana kung ganun nangyari para mas dramatic ang storya ng buhay ko at pede kong i-submit sa "maalala mo kaya", haha........... so, anyway, hindi ago-go, kundi as encoder.......... the emvarashment (embarrassment), di ba? pero sa isip-isip ko, juzku, talo-talo na, mag-iinarte pa ba ako? papairalin ko pa ba ang pride chicken ko? i have to bring food on the table......... atleast computer pa rin kaharap ko at may uniform kaming pagkaganda-ganda na para kaming flight attendant........atleast may pambayad ako ng pldt, meralco at nawasa at may pang-shopping ako sa palengke ng pio del pilar para pambili ng galunggong, kangkong at kalahating pitso ng manok...........

tapos one day-isang araw, pinatawag kaming "forever trainee"..... training daw ng java...... so kelangan ko nang mag-resign sa sideline ko..... kelangan dun full time e..... kelangan pasok sa "eskwela" ng from 7am to 4pm........ ang makapasa raw dun sa final exam with flying colors yun papadala sa yu-es....... syempre mabuti akong estudyante at meron akong private tutor nung panahong yun, ehem (quiet, you!), kaya pasado....... ang kaso di pa rin kami napadala...... economy chorba raw........ so another tiis na naman sa non-existent sweldo....... hanggang sa ang aking pagiging lihim na pulis pangkalawakan ay umiral (shaider ikaw ba yan?) , bunbunan ay nag-init, ngipin ay nagngalit, ang dandruff ay nagliparan! panahon na para makibaka! so -- nag-resign ako....

....... at nakakuha ako ng maayos na trabaho na nagpapa-sweldo ng tama........... so in short, nasayang at nauwi sa wala ang aking kauna-unahang US working visa (H1b)........... kaya tinititigan ko na lang sya every now and then habang kinakanta ang "muntik ng maabot ang laaaa-ngit"...........  pero...... pero...... nakahanap ako ulit! akalain mo yun! ........  this time bound to california naman..... natuwa sila sa akin at sinimulan nila agad yung pag-process ng 2nd H1b ko...... ang kaso----


nangyari ang 9/11......


dalawang gusali sa new york went to ashes......naghigpit ang immigration, nag-down economy....... sorry marlin, no more H1b sponsorship for you......pag minamalas ka nga naman.....


howel......



on tatlong lalaki ka-live in ko (totoo na to)  and 2nd H1B

pero 4 years after, dun na ako sinwerte (thanks to dice.com)...... my second H1b! alleluiah!...... kaso ibang drama na naman ang naghihintay sa kin nung dumating ako sa new jersey as H1b  (B1/B2 gamit ko sa north carolina)...........  dun ako nakaramdam ng soooooooobrang lunkot ( oo maraming "o" kasi to the highest level na lungkot yun)....... isip ko nun, punyemas.... maayos naman trabaho ko sa pinas, ang sweldo ko dun above average, may negosyo ako dun, nakakaraos naman kami kahit paano bakit ba ako umalis-alis pa........well, actually alam ko kung bakit, gusto ko ng more moolah, ano fa vah.......pero mhen, kung alam ko lang na ganun kalunkot (malunkot na kasi di ko na kasama mga kaibigan ko di tulad nung nasa north carolina ako)...........

e bakit ke arte ko ba at mega nage-emote ako  ng ganun e nasa US na ako? dami jan, binebenta ang palayan, baka, baboy, pusa, butiki para lang may pamasahe papuntang ibang bansa, samantalang ako libre......... dapat e mag-tumbling-tumbling ako sa tuwa di ba? dahil haller, alam nyo ba kung gano kahirap makuha ang H1b? isang taon inantay ko dun! buti na lang wala pang quota sa H1b nung panahon na yun, dahil kung hindi additional hurdle yun............. kasi ganito yun...... picture this.......

kaw ba naman ang may roomies na tatlong lalaki e (3 pakistani na later naging 2 pakistani at 1 indian) tapos ikaw lang ang babae, matutuwa ka ba nun? ang banyo madumi, ang lababo ewan, tapos ang amoy sa buong kabahayan ay, well, alam mo na (although at one point na-immune na ata ako).......... eto pa, 3 buwan wala ako sweldo dahil wala pa ako client.....ang binibigay lang sa kin ng employer ko $100/month ($50 kinsenas) & take note, kelangan ko pang i-remind ang employer ko para bigay sa kin ang $50 na yun twing kinsenas......... wow mhen, para akong nagmamakaawa sa $50 na yun............ at juzku, ang ego ko naman ay talagang tinapon nila sa putikan at tinatapak-tapakan hanggang malubog down under.........  tapos, tapos, twing may technical interview ako feeling ko ang bobo-bobo ko............. dumudugo lagi ilong ko........ huh? struts? di ba dance step yun? hibernate? uhmm, only pregnant female polar bears hibernate...... oh! i thought you're asking me to use that in a sentence...... (update: ngayon alam ko na kung ano yang mga yan, haha)..........

anyway....

tulad ng sinabi ko, i have never felt so lonely and alone in my entire life, pramis! alam nyo bang wala akong kamag-anak sa U.S.? yep, kaya ako ay road warrior.............. wala akong kaibigan o kamag-anak na nakakausap at naiiyakan nung panahon na ako'y sumusweldo ng $50 twing kinsenas at may ka-live in na tatlong lalakeng hindi ko kalahi (pero mabait naman sila, in fairness, except dun sa isa na, well, basta)............. eto natutunan ko, pag alone and lonely ka syempre mas vulnerable, kaya dapat watch out sa mga magaling mag-take advantage kasi easy prey ka............... dahilan kung bakit bukod sa ego kong na-torture, e ang puso kong naive had to endure too much beating din........ pero ibang storya na ulit yun..



and she stands....

pero makaraan ang halos isang taon, sabi siguro ni Lord, "osha, tama na yan..... nahubog na kita ng husto...... time na to go up"....... at nakakuha ako ng permanent employer (di na consulting) na naglakad ng permanent residency (green card) ko............ nakahanap ako ng mga kaibigan kaya di na ako ganun kalungkot (thru SFC)................ at higit sa lahat nakahanap ako ng isang "kaibigan" na minahal ako tulad ng pagmamahal na binigay ko sa mga taong minahal ko (masarap pala ako magmahal, haha) at ipapakilala ko lang sya sa mga taong alam kong hindi makitid ang utak, hindi mapanghusga at  hindi mapanglait.........

oh! meron pang isa eto (click mo):


approve na greencard ko......

a few thousand dollars, bunch of papers and 3 1/2 months later na-approve na sya......

salamat ke Lord, sa employer ko at sa pangungulit ko sa lawyer ko na ipasok ang application ko as EB2 (mas mabilis ang EB2)....

hayyyyyyyyy.........................

oo, madami akong pinagdaanan......... balde-baldeng luha ang iniyak ko.............. marami akong unan na sinuntok at sinigawan.............. ang daming nangyaring  hindi maganda......... may nag-take advantage, may nanloko, may nag-traydor........... pero in the end......

mahaba pa rin hair ko!

i mean, "i stand" pala, haha........ i'm not a quitter........

at napansin ko rin, twing may taong umaapi o pinaglalaruan ako, something good always happen to me at opposite ang nangyayari sa kanila.......... di ko sila sinusumpa or anything talagang parang ang mundo ang gumaganti para sa kin.......

so yeah, na-karma ako...... but in a good kind of way....

hindi porket nasa abroad ako gagawin mo akong ATM machine...

ipabasa nyo to sa mga tao sa buhay nyo na akala human ATM machine kayo...at sa mga taong mahilig mag-stereotype...


The price of being abroad for the Filipino Community
by HINDI PORKE'T NASA ABROAD AKO, MAYAMAN NA! HINDI AKO BANKO

There is probably one thing that every Filipino abroad has in common, whether they are OFW, brides, family members, or tourists. Once you leave the Philippines it isn't long before you start getting the question from friends, family, acquaintances and sometimes even strangers back in the Philippines. The question they all want answered is always something like this: Will you lend me money? Will you give me money? Will you help me?

For some reason a stereotype exists in the majority of the Filipino community that once you are abroad you have expendable income to spend as you please as if you have won the lottery or some grand prize contest. Perhaps they assume that since the Philippines is known as a poor country that money must be falling from the trees in other places. Perhaps it is the poverty and lack of global social awareness, mostly due to a lack of education and the lack of steady employment in the Philippines, which creates a desperation in those people that overrides their logic and common sense. Regardless, to them you are abroad therefore you are rich and they want a piece of whatever it is that you have. They don’t take in to consideration that you being in a more prosperous country means there is a more substantial cost of living too. This means higher bills, higher taxes, and less social assistance to the Filipino aboard. All that combined usually means that the finances of the Filipino abroad can be just as conservative as those at home and sometimes even more so.

This scenario is most especially true for many of the Overseas Filipino Workers (OFW). Often times these people are working medial jobs with average-to-low level income for the country they reside in. Any other person working that kind of job in any country isn’t going to have much financial flexibility at the end of the day when bills are paid and food is on the table. Many OFW also endure extreme hardships in their work abroad due to the dangerous industrial, economic, and social settings that they are thrust in to when they venture abroad. Then at the end of their hard day of work they are pressured yet again, not by a hostile society or boss, but by their own friends and family demanding favors. There are some exceptions to this scenario for those OFW that are well educated or fortunate enough to land high paying jobs abroad. It is not unreasonable for those back home to ask for some assistance from a high paid individual but still there should be limits. Even in that case the same question endlessly beckons from home and from so many people. It is too much for one person alone to assist everyone that asks something of them.

Another common stereotype that factors in to this equation are the Filipinas that travel abroad to be with their love interests. Unfortunately many of these women marry men, typically much older men, for financial reasons. I say this not to be critical of them but simply as a statement of fact. They seek what they believe to be a more stable environment where money is more freely spent and used as they please. Despite the common stereotype of the rich older man and the younger Filipina, this is more often not the case. These women that choose this path are often subjected to abuse, criticism, neglect, and virtual slavery. In addition to that the vast majority of the men married to these Filipinas are not as rich as they may appear to be to the people in the Philippines. Again, the cost of living, economic environment, and various other factors often distort what people in the Philippines perceive to be wealth. As a result of this, people back home ask for amounts for money from those that don’t really have money to give. This causes problems in the relationship between the Filipina and her husband as well as between the Filipina and her family. For those few Filipinas that are actually married to rich (old) men it is possible for them to assist their family or friends back home but again there has to be limits. To ask too much does harm to the relationship between the Filipina and her husband, possibly the family and friends of the husband too. People in the Philippines need to learn to respect that and know their limits.

Not all friends and family back home in the Philippines are entirely naive about the realities facing Filipinos abroad. Those that understand the reality are those that have an open relationship with the Filipinos abroad and talk about their living situation and what it is like being where they are. They understand because they listen and don’t assume that the stereotype is true. More over, when people from the Philippines travel abroad to visit their friends and family for the first time, I think their eyes are opened to the reality of what it means to live in other countries. They see first hand that extreme poverty can and does exist in every part of the world. Unfortunately it sometimes also exists even for the Filipinos that are abroad. Those that understand what it really means to be abroad are not the ones constantly asking for loans and hand outs. They graciously accept anything they receive knowing that their loved ones are sending whatever they can and they are satisfied with that. That is how the friends and family members of any Filipino that is abroad should act. Be humble and gracious with whatever your loved ones do.

Still for the most part it doesn’t matter what your circumstances and living conditions are while abroad. To those back home in the Philippines, all they want to know is when you are going to send them money, how much are you going to send, and if not why aren’t sending money home if you are so rich from being abroad. Filipinos that are abroad have come to expect this from their fellow Filipinos back home. It is a sad but all too common. Those both abroad and at home have to learn to talk about these things with an open mind and not assume anything to begin with. Only then will the Filipino community be able to look past the stereotype and have realistic expectations about what to expect from those that are abroad. This will make person that is away from home content and happier, and it will make for a more understanding group of friends and family at home.

i challenge you to be where they are now in a year's time

"i challenge you to be where they are now in a year's time" - g


a year ago that line was thrown at me on one of my blogs by a sister of someone i know...... it was both an insult and a challenge and this is what i would play in my head over and over whenever i'm feeling dismayed over something....

so where am i now?

let me enumerate...

1. let's just say i have more than what "they" have and could have........what they can achieve in 5 years time i can achieve in a year........... i'm not saying i'm rich, what i'm saying is i don't have to sweat it out (literally) and work my butt off for long hours to achieve my goals because all i need is a fully functional left side of the brain........ what "they" can do, everyone else can do, you don't need a bachelor's degree for that............. but what i can do, only a selected few can do......  modesty aside, to be a software engineer in the U.S is a difficult job to get, that should tell you something........ no, i'm not talking about L1s (which is fairly easier to get), i'm talking about getting H1Bs, where you have to compete with all other americans (and indians) .....

2. while it is true that they do have the bragging rights, i'm afraid bragging rights won't bring food on the table and it won't give you the quality time you need for yourself.....

3. S&P 500 index

4. i earn an honest living...no cheating the IRS, or BIR...


let me share what my friend's advise to me was that time when i was upset about "something":

"they're jealous of what you have achieved....... you're a software engineer in the U.S. and you have your own company........... you almost have everything everyone can dream of so they're punishing you for that........ they want to take away something from you so you won't be as perfect anymore.......

you know what the best revenge would be? be successful...... you made it to america because you have the skills, the brain & the guts that they don't have, take advantage of it..... save, save, save...... so that while they're still working their butt off and scouring for every dime and penny they could find, you're already way ahead of the game in achieving your goals....... let them enjoy all the bragging rights they want, bragging rights won't make them a millionaire in the shortest amount of time, you're being a software engineer will...." - b


"i challenge you to be where they are now in a year's time" - g

so where am i now? i'll let you answer that question.....

p.s.
you know what they say, robbers teach us to watch our purse
the same way that mean people help us to strive to be better..

filipinos have a very bad reputation in this country...

it might be just a joke on your part but it was kind of insulting when you asked me if i'm sure i wont turn out like that filipina you saw on tv. if it makes you feel better, i won't marry you, so there's no need to be paranoid about me bumping you for insurance.


i know filipinos have a very bad reputation in this country because they think all of us are just after the "colored" card or the citizenship and i won't deny that there are filipinos who do that. unfortunately, because of that stereotype, even those who are making an honest living, who are educated and have stepped foot in this country because of their special skills and intellect are also stereotyped that way. unfair? yes, but what can we do? we can't make narrow-minded people to open their minds and accept that there are other facts aside from their own.


in the philippines we are not considered rich nor are we considered poor because we own a house (and a few lots) & my parents were able to send me to a very reputable school. unfortunately, in this country's standard, we are still considered poor and that's based on the number of bedroom our house have. we may be considered poor in this country's standard but i wasn't raised to be greedy. i understand if thoughts of me being after your money cross your mind sometimes and it doesn't help that some of your friends think of it that way too. what can i do. i'm a filipino. from a third world very poor country and any one who's from a first-world country tend to look down on us. i cant change that general perception but let me tell you one thing--- my life doesn't revolve around money and i believe in hard earned money. i pride myself as someone independent, i know how to get the things that i want thru hard work and patience and i dont enjoy being a parasite. i hate to burst your bubble, but i don't need you to make my dreams come true....

my ex is getting married....why am i upset?

note: DONT jump the gun and dont come to me telling me how sorry you are for me...read the whole thing, first......sheesh!

how am i supposed to react? i can't just shrug it off. why am i upset? i shouldn't care, right?  but why am i upset? am i still inlove with him? NOOO! that can't be, i have a boyfriend, for pete's sake!........i think it's my ego....yeah, definitely my ego....oh gawd, i want to cry....why, why, why am i upset?!

that's my friend, by the way not me........and as of this writing none of my exes is getting married, none that i know of anyway........

so anyway, my friend started asking me how i would feel if i found out that one of my exes is getting married...........my reply? i just shrugged................ then she mentioned a particular ex that i have been with for some time....she asked me how i would feel if i found out he's marrying his girlfriend after much lesser time than when we were still together................again, i just shrugged.............. and her eyes opened like a flying saucer in disbelief, LOL......... she thought i turned into an ice queen....


so i had to explain that thoughts of that did actually popped my head and it did upset me but i had to re-channel that negative thought which brings these two items:


"one. he just really thinks i'm not "the one" he wants to exchange I DO's with.....which, by the way, i have already accepted....no need to brood over the past.....it's not healthy....and besides, to be with someone for the rest of your life is a HUGE commitment so you better make sure you're really "sure" of what you're getting into........

two. he might have learned his lesson that if he makes a girl wait that long again the girl would just pack-up and leave....."



so what's this about being upset when your ex got married first? why does it bothers us even if we know we don't ever want to get back together with them? is it wrong to feel upset?

when i was single i would think of that scenario a looot.....and it's ugly...... it's like my self-esteem is attempting a kamikaze........so i learned to divert my negative thoughts into a more positive scenarios and here's what my brain cells came up with......

one. we're prolly pissed because we feel like we lost the race to the altar........... but we have to understand that getting married first is not a race, nor a competition...... there's no limited supply on love that if the ex got married first there won't be any love supply available for us.......

two. sometimes we have a quick thought of "what is wrong with me that we couldn't work it out and he/she didn't choose to marry me?" but "sometimes" that's not the case...... to each to their own path, to each their own way, to each their own time......... just quickly reassure yourself that both of you just weren't right for each other and that your time will come........

am i saying it's not right to feel upset? of course not.... it's a natural reaction......

not just because you are seeing somebody else, that doesn't mean that all our feelings toward the previous people in our life have dried up and disappeared............... that's not the way emotions work, sometimes.......... like my favorite quote says, time doesn't heal the wounds it just softens the pain and blurs the memory........ which means, fragments of the past is still there so there would be people in our life that we'll always have residual feelings for and yes, it doesn't just shut off............ so no need to feel guilty that somebody who was a big part of our life once still has the power to affect us in this way, sometimes that's just how it goes........ but that also doesn't mean we would allow that feeling to eat us....... get a tub of icecream, go get blotto, be around friends..... then move on....... always remember, you have something that the person he/she married with don't and will never have--- you are the one that  got away .........

don't blame anyone for what you've become...

"being in your 20s is the best years of ones life, use it well"  -- from a friend


sometimes i have this nagging feeling that i have wasted the prime of my life..... don't get me wrong, i learned a lot of things and i  enjoyed every second of my youth but it just makes me sad that i still could feel the "could-have-beens" and "might-have-beens" staring me in the face....

if i knew that my waiting is futile i shouldn't have tried putting my life on hold.... it has been my dream since i was a kid to see the world.... to work and live outside my country....... to experience how it is to live independently..... but i have to put that off because i was patiently waiting for something to happen....... i was blinded w/ my own emotions and i don't want to jeopardize that something that i have carefully nurtured..... if i knew that i wasn't the priority and that nothing good will come out of the waiting, i could have just left my country 6 years ago instead of 3....

am i bitter because i was infinitely on "stand by" mode?

no.

i just wished i have decided sooner.... because the sooner i have decided the sooner i could have found out the "response" --- waiting for calls that never came.... wishing for a visit that never happened..... simply because we all have different "priorities"...... that's when i realized i wasn't as patient as i used to be and waiting is just pure torture........ my solution is to rebel, to show that i don't need anyone so i tried to move on, to get on with my life..... unfortunately, i made few more wrong decisions because i was doing things for the wrong reasons and it had hurt me twice as much........... that's also when i came to realize that i should never, never depend my happiness on anyone.......

but i'm stubborn............ i decided to try saving that something that i think is still worth saving....... so i played with fire and rekindled the dying ember of the past........ it was a successful attempt and found myself holding hands with the past...... i know what i want but  "indecision" made itself known.......another proof that "priority" is still not on my side......... that's when i came to my senses--i need to close that chapter -- fast....... it's not worth it anymore........


i try not to regret the decisions i made but sometimes i can't help but think that if i didn't allow my emotion to rule over my reasoning and if i have decided sooner and i was smarter and more practical i could have toured the world by now...... i could have been married and with kids, who could have been 6 and 3 years old, by now (my ideal age to get married is 26).... but realizing that i'm almost in my mid-30's makes me think that chance is getting slimmer and slimmer all because of my wasted 20s.... but i still believe in miracles and i still believe in God's grace...... i keep reminding myself, "in His time"....in His time......

and that time came..... and it's wonderful....


what we are right now is the product of our decisions..... we have to take responsibilities for each of the decisions we made, good or bad....... don't blame anyone for what you've become...... you are you're own man..... you make your own decisions...... sure, we always make wrong decisions, who doesn't, but don't make that as an excuse to never bounce back...... don't make that as an excuse to forever stay at the bottom......it's useless to cry over spilled milk..... it won't bring back the dead...... it won't turn back the time.... we just have to make the most out of our current situation.... we just have to make peace with the outcome of the bad decisions we made and try not to do same mistakes again.....and never stop hoping that one day good karma will come along and that everything would be better the next time around......

insensitive people are fascinating....

sometimes it fascinates me how insensitive some people are..... yes, i know i'm fat and you don't have to rub it in..... you're putting salt over the wound..... yes, i know you're perfect and i'm so sorry i'm not and that i don't fit into your "perfect weight" category....... will you shut up now?

its fascinating how other people get their "highs" on making fun of other people...... i have my hypothesis..... they feel superior when they insult you...... they like making other people laugh at your expense....... i think for them that's cool..... ofcourse it's not funny when you're the one being picked on.......

no, i won't retaliate by throwing insults at you or by making fun of your imperfections........i'm too classy for that..... i don't stoop down at that level...... so i'll just let you be......  someday you'll meet someone who'll insult you, or someone who'll insult the one you love, so bad that you'll want to punch that person on the nose..... when that time comes that would be my revenge......

karma..... there's always karma.....

iphone's black screen of death

i don't know what happend but ever since i upgraded to the latest OS (the one that now has the capability to send mms & some other cool stuff) i've been encountering black screen of death.....what do i mean? it's when no matter what button i clicked nothing happens....... it's like my iphone just decided to hibernate on me.....

first, a history....

3 days after i got my iphone (this was around march of this year) i got this problem that my screen gets stuck on the "Favorites" and no matter how many times i click the "Home" button (that's the round thing below your iphone 's screen) nothing happens! it stays on the "Favorites".... so i went to the AT&T store in willowgrove mall (that's where i got my iphone) and requested for an exchange..... but before they gave me an exchange they tried to troubleshoot the problem first....

at&t guy: did you try resetting your iphone?
me: yeah, i pressed sleep/awake button to power off my iphone
at&t guy: how about a soft reset?
me: soft reset?


so what's a soft reset?

to perform a soft reset, press and hold the iphone’s sleep/awake button (upper right top of your iphone) and the home button (circle button, located below the screen) at the same time for several seconds until you see the apple logo on the screen. then wait until you see your iphone comes to life. 

worked wonders!


now, fast forward.....

i never had a problem with my iphone after that incident....... several months after that, the newest OS update became available........ and so i updated my iphone....... problem is after updating to the latest OS i noticed i started getting the black screen of death...... i panicked the first time i saw that happening ofcourse (i have a lot of data on my iphone that i don't want to end up in the lost data heaven) but then i remembered the "soft reset" .....  i did that and it worked wonders! problem is i get that black screen of death many times a week........ of course i can just do the "soft reset" every time but i remember reading somewhere over the web that continually performing "soft resets" can cause problems........ so here's my second tip:

if you tried clicking on any of the buttons in your iphone and nothing happens and you find yourself staring at a black screen of death here's what you can do before doing a "soft reset" 

(1) stop clicking!
(2) put your iphone down on a table or anywhere where you're sure you won't accidentally touch any of the iphone's button
(3) wait for 5 minutes....now, now, i know 5 minutes is too long and you're just itching to update your status message on your facebook but remember, patience is a virtue...... although in my experience 3 minutes is fine (yeah i'm impatient, i gotta update my twitter you know, lol)  but to be safe 5 minutes is better...
(4) after 5 minutes click the "Home" button... voila! you have just resuscitated your iphone back to life....

now, while it is true that maybe i need to have my iphone checked if i get the black screen of death kinda semi-regularly, i decided to observe my iphone first before i go to the at&t store...... so if any of you is encountering the black screen of death kinda-semi-regularly like myself please give me a buzz....




p.s.

here's another tip that you can do if one of your iphone application freezes:

If an application  is frozen, just press and hold the iphone’s home button for about 5 seconds, or until the home screen shows up.

dear santa, i haven't been a good girl but here's my wish list anyway....LOL

yep, my wish list for 2009

yeah, yeah....you don't care.... but i'm posting it anyway, lol......

in no particular order....


+ How I Met Your Mother: Seasons 1-4
+ The Big Bang Theory: The Complete Seasons 1 & 2
+ Heroes: Seasons 1-3
+ Coupling - The Complete Seasons 1-4
+ Massaging Cushion with Heat (Homedics QRM-400H Therapist Select Quad-Roller)
+ Cordless Stick Vac and Handheld Vacuum Cleaner (Euro-Pro Shark SV800\VX63 2-in-1 by Euro-Pro)
+ Garmin n�vi 1390/1390T
+ A YMCA membership (really really missing les mills' body combat and they are d only ones who have it)
+ 1 year java servlet/tomcat hosting fee for my travel-related web app...
+ a roundtrip plane ticket to paige, utah
+ a d90
+ a CCD camera for telescope (Celestron NexImage Solar System Imager )


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


let's revisit my last year's wish list........



cheap: ($50 and below)

- F.R.I.E.N.D.S DVD (7,8 & 9) <-- still want it
- a spa gift certificate from pierre and carlo <-- still want it
- gift card from bath and body works <-- still want it
- a gift card from my fave shop, charlotte russe <-- still want it
- a gift card from papa johns pizza <-- still want it
- a gift card from carrabas or chillis or olive garden <-- still want it
- small paper shredder <-- bought one
- peach roses <-- still want it
- pyrex baking dish <-- bought one
- capo for acoustic guitar <-- bought one
- cheesecake from sayitwithcheesecake.com <-- still want it




semi expensive: ($100 and above)

- portable photo storage <-- bought one
- apple ipod nano 4gb silver (2nd generation not the latest) <-- dont want it anymore
- a technomarine watch <-- still want it
- broadway show at timesquare NY (any show) <-- still want it




pricey!

- a wii <-- bought one plus the rockband 2
- nikon sb-800 flash <-- still want it
- wide angle lens <-- still want it
- new 13 or 14" notebook <-- bought one but i want a mac now
- adobe lightroom <-- still want it
- or adobe CS <-- bought one
- roundtrip plane ticket to Rome or Amsterdam <-- still want it but this could wait...
- or utah (i am so going to utah next year) <-- still want it but for next year
- electric kick scooter (amazon sells this for cheaper price) <-- dont want it anymore
- irobot scooba <-- still want it
- dinner at a fancy restaurant <-- done this at boston's Top of the Hub

it's been a year...RIP ayeen

rest in peace....

it's been a year since i received that email that i am being booted out from the travel agency i was part-owner of..... it's been a year since they told me about the liquidation (or as one of my other friends call it, the "buy-out"), unfortunately, i never heard from them for a year now......

initially i told them that i don't need the money just to prove my point that i'm not in it for the money............... that's also the reason why i have no idea how much the travel agency was earning when i was still with them because i never checked the books, the income................ because aside from the fact that i trusted them, i'm also just not that much into the earnings because i just genuinely love what we're doing............... all those who know me knows that i'm very passionate about travelling.............

anyway, as i was saying, i initally told them i dont need the money but i figured i could use that for something worthwhile..... i was planning to use that money to sponsor a children's field trip for the sick kids at kythe foundation or the orphans from "pugad sa bosco"...... but that didn't materialize because like i said i never heard from them again......but i'm sure they have a very good reason why they forgot about the liquidation.....

i remember sending them my last email (on april 13, 2009 9:05 am) and the last paragraph was:

"i just feel that it's time to let go......life is too short to be mad all the time..... i also didn't write to ask for pity or anything, just treat me however you think i deserve to be treated..."

i guess the treatment they think i deserve is to be ignored........ but that's fine....... i'm sure they have valid reasons....... everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt...... they are just very busy.......

am i still bitter? am i still mad?

to be perfectly honest it was difficult, very difficult........ i had to deal with anger, self-pity and i was hurting, big time.......... it's like having that special someone you love and trust w/ all your heart only to find out later that he's been cheating on you........it made me feel sad whenever i hear about surfvivor or the photoholic....... i felt that tightening on my chest whenever i try look at their website (i do that to inoculate myself, not to torture myself)......but it is what it is............. i need to learn to let go,  i have to let go.............. continuing to wallow in anger wouldn't change anything.......... i have two choices, continue to stay mad and drain my love tank and be bitter for the rest of my life or just charge it to experience, move on and continue counting my blessings........ second choice sounded better right? it would help me fill up my love tank ..........


"i just feel that it's time to let go......life is too short to be mad all the time..... i also didn't write to ask for pity or anything, just treat me however you think i deserve to be treated..."

anger, rest in peace.......

 

when am i getting out of here?

oct. 24, 2009 - 1:30-2:30 - saturday

weekends is when i usually do my hospice volunteer...

==== T ====

I found (T) sitting on his padded wheelchair at the dining hall sleeping. He looked a little older each time i visit him. I tried touching his shoulder when I said hi to him and told him why i was there but he didn't nudge. i tried again and still the same. so i just sat with him again while he's sleeping tapping his shoulders every now and then to atleast let him know of my presence.

 

==== J ====

I went to (J) next. She's also sitting at the dining hall watching t.v. I said hi to her and she's pleasant as usual smiling at me and all. She tried saying something but she stopped. Don't know if she lost her trail of thought. Anyway, I made small talks. She would usually reply by smiling or winking at me. I gave her a tissue when she started coughing and some green mucus came out from her nose and she started wiping some on the table. The funny part was she asked what that is when I gave her the tissue and she started kinda playing w/ it. Most of my patients have dementia.



==== P ====
(P) was on her room lying down sideways on her bed with her shoes still on. I knocked at her door and said hello and told her I'm there to visit her. Since there's no chair I started setting up my portable chair and sat at her bed side. The first thing she said was "When am i getting out of here?". Poor (P). I think she's really getting bored at the hospital. So anyway, I sat there touching her knees and arms and I asked her if she wants me to read for her. She mumbled something so I'm assuming that's ok, because normally if she doesn't like it she'll just flat out say "no". So I went to get the book and started reading for her.


===== I ====
I was about to visit (I) next and was preparing to leave (P)'s room when I heard another volunteer (the guy who does reiki) looking for (I). So I'm skipping it today and I'll just come back tomorrow. I have other engagements to attend to today that I don't think I can wait til the other volunteer is done or i'll be late.

continued here: http://touchsoothes.blogspot.com

lead me not into temptation, i can find it myself...

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt.... A wedge of lime, and a shot of

tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with

it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your

personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here..

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk

funny.

11. When life gives you lemons - turn it into lemonade then mix it with

vodka.

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married

man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the

hardest...

14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble..

15. By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter

who thinks she's wrong.


thanks jet for this...love it!

one month to live...

security is mostly a superstition. it does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. life is either a daring adventure or nothing  - helen keller

a ship is safe in harbor but that's not what ships are made for - william shedd


two tuesdays ago was the scheduled monthly meeting for all volunteers...... aside from talking about the status of our visits and our patients we also do some workshop stuff and that night was  "One Month to Live - Risking Greatness"...... like, what will you do if you found out that you just have one month to live? will you stay inside your shell and wallow on self pity or will you start taking risks? i did write some things that i would do if my days are numbered but they're not for public consumption......... they are just so cheesy it's embarassing, lol

anyway........... i just thought i need to pour out my thoughts about taking risks......

is it better to be "safe" than to experience life at it's fullest?  my answer is no......

my friends always thought of me as complicated.......... that i would sometimes do things the hard way.......... that i can't stay in one place.............. that i tend to deviate from the normal flow of things (therefore the label non-comformist)......... what some of them don't understand is i do things that way sometimes because i want to see and to know what's out there...... i want to feel how it feels like to deviate from normal (boring) path........... i do want to get out of my comfort zone once in a while.......... i don't like just staying in my nest, i need to fly........

ofcourse there would be risks when you trudge the unknown but hey, that's the fun of it...... case in point........ if i stayed in my country, sure i would still have a high-paying job (yes, Php40,000/month is just too low of an offer for a java programmer w/ 10 years experience)........ sure i have my dad who can take care of me when i'm sick...... sure, all my close friends that i've known for a long time will always be there for me when i need someone to go to a movie or people-watch with or go shopping or just hang out on coffee shops with...... they're there when i need to pour my heart out "anytime"........ yes,that's living in my "comfort zone", my "safe" life.........

nothing wrong with it actually but then if i stayed i wouldn't have experienced these things i had and will experience....... i won't get to meet all those wonderful people i met....... it's true, some of them broke my heart, some of them forgot about me one new year's eve that i ended up gulping half a bottle of tequila all by myself because of depression, lol (spending holidays alone just drives me nuts)......... but that's fine.... because if not for all those experiences  i wouldn't have realized how i shouldn't depend my happiness on anyone............ if not for those who broke my heart and who have trampled on my spirit & dignity i couldn't have learned how all the more i should appreciate those genuine and caring friends who will always be there for me and would never hurt me and would never leave me....... if i haven't experienced rejection i couldn't have learned my lesson in humility and patience.............  if i haven't met that special friend i wouldn't have realized how physical appearance should stay in the back seat and what matters is how you get along and that there's trust and everything else should be secondary.....


and ofcourse there's also risk involved in relationships.......... i know of a lot of people who would shy away from relationships because they're afraid to get hurt, to be vulnerable--i'm the opposite.......... i embrace it and savor it while it lasts (or atleast until i get back to my senses, lol)......... it's useless to worry about advance problems that we are not even sure would happen............ we should learn to let go of what is not yet otherwise we won't be able to enjoy the present........... like what Siddhartha Gotama, Theranamo Sutta once said: "Let go of what is past. Let go of what is not yet. Observe deeply what is happening in the present moment, but do not become attached to it."


it's normal to be cautious ofcourse, but try not to over do it..... don't give in to prejudices, give everyone a chance to prove to you that they're worth loving.......that person might be the "one" for all we know........ or he/she might not be the right one for you but how would you know that if you didn't atleast try? that's why i'd rather embrace the "now" and just deal with the short comings and problems as they come rather than worrying way too ahead in advance.......... it's really not worth it being overly paranoid and to be afraid of taking risks because that might just ruin your relationships or your chance of a better future........


yes, it's scary but some risks are worth taking (choose your "risks" wisely)..........do i get scared before "plunging" into the unknown? ofcourse! but my mentality is i try to eliminate as many could-have-beens and might-have-beens in my life as possible because it would be a real bummer to look back when i'm all wrinkly and with a terrible case of athritis, full of regrets and whacking my self on the head wondering "why the heck was i such a wimp? i should have atleast tried..."

"Let go of what is past. Let go of what is not yet. Observe deeply what is happening in the present moment, but do not become attached to it."...........