i'm NOT a pushover

i had a very long blog but i forgot to submit it before i went out with my friend........when i got back (which is just now) i saw my unsubmitted blog and i clicked submit but it's gone.....tsk...

anyway.....

we just had an HH meeting this morning, it's an SFC thing (yeah, i know, i'm confusing you with all these acronyms, lol) and the last part of the HH is sharing........ my HH leader asked us about the "gifts" that we asked during our baptism (the baptism after the CLP, uh-huh, another acronym, sorry, lol) and if we think we already received it and how it changed us......... i remember asking for the gift of healing...... i mean, wouldn't it be cool to have a power that would just heal people...... like, curing migraines and back aches (which i always have, lol) and i don't have to worry about my dad's health because all i have to do is just extend my hand to that person and pray? lol, you're probably raising your eyebrow now, lol, but i can dream right? lol........ anyway, so i told my HH leader that i don't know how i would know if i have it already because i haven't cured anyone, yet...... i know, i sound stupid, lol....... but then she explained it.......... and that's when it hit me..........

i'm NOT a pushover........

the reasons why i would just easily give in and just forgive and, well, not really forget because i have a good memory, lol but i'm working on it, hahaha....... anway, so where was i? oh yeah, and i would just treat anyone who did me wrong as if nothing happened and it is because of the gift of healing....... yeah, i know, i'm being melodramatic again,lol............ but seriously, i mean, i just feel bad about myself everytime i'm making a resolution not to talk to someone or not to see that someone anymore because that person have hurt me so bad in one way or the other and i don't want to give that person a chance to hurt me again but i would just end up talking to that person the next week or the next day or after an hour (yeah, that happened) ........... i will get mad, ofcourse....... i might start saying stupid and hurtful things, sure....... but after i calmed down, after i think things over, that's it....... i just let it go......... it's like, past is past, no need to look back, let's just move forward and i'm ready to give it another shot............... i wasn't like that before....................i'm not the type who keep grudges but it would take a while, well, a verrrrrry long time before i can finally make peace with myself and that person who did me wrong.............. but now, it's easy for me to let go and if i see that person i promised myself not to see again it would be like nothing happened.........

here's a story......

there was this guy who had done something that really made me hate him for a while and i was ready to shut him off forever............. last friday, he went to visit me, with a tray of ensaymada from red ribbon on his hand (he's not filipino and red ribbon is in new jersey, 2 hours away)........... i wasn't really mad at him anymore............ i mean i still don't like what he did but it's what he did that i'm hating but not him as a person........ i don't know if i make sense but anyway....... so yeah, im not mad at him anymore but i was just not sure if i'm ready to see him again............ but last friday i was shocked when my doorbell rang and heard his voice at the other side of my door............ i was even more shocked at myself when i let him in............. the other thing that surprised me was, i wasn't really feeling any animosity or whatever............... i was talking to him as if we didnt have a rift......... i was calm although it was kinda awkward because he doesn't talk that much and i just had to ask him questions about trivial stuff (his work, my new marshmallow addiction, etc) to break the ice................. but do you know what i'm saying, it's like we're still chummies and just catching up........... we did talk about the "issues"........ he admitted why he did that for......... i didn't hear him say i'm sorry, though, maybe he forgot........ but well, i forgave him already................. my coffeemate is right, people just have different ways of coping up with difficult situations........... i'll be honest that it would be hard for us to be the same as before but atleast i'm not mad at him anymore and i'm at peace with myself again because i'm not nurturing any angry feelings and that's very liberating........... i just don't like going to bed with all those negative emotions pent up, it's just not a good feeling............ i'm sure you know what i mean.........

so, yeah...... the gift of healing is not just about physical healing....... it's like wolverine (from x-men) healing right away after each bruises and cuts but in my case it's my heart, not my physical body.........

isn't God good?