immortalizing the experience

i thought it's time i journal my visits to the hospice to immortalize the experience.....

i started volunteering at the hospice on february 14, 2009....yes, valentines day.... that's when they started the volunteer training.......

i had to wait very long before i finally got my assignment....... there's the drug test, a tuberculosis test (which is really a pain in the butt), a background check and a LOT of paperwork......... so i usually would just attend meetings and discussions..... when i finally got my assignment it was worth the wait......

i have 3 patients.... let's call them I, A and P.

I:

it was my first visit with I...... she's not in her room so i have to ask the nurse where she is and the nurse pointed me to the cute old lady in green shirt sitting on a wheel chair in the dining room..... ah, finally, someone who's not sleeping (the first 2 patients i visited before her were all sleeping)..... i can hear her talking from where i was standing--- good, i told myself, that's a good sign......

so i walked slowly to where she is and when i was close enough i introduced myself ("hi I, my name is M, i'm your new friend")........ she suddenly stopped talking and i saw her head slowly drop........... oh boy, i think she doesn't like me......... i knelt on the floor at her left side so we could be at eye level, also so that she can hear me clearly........ i looked at her face and wasn't sure if she's sleeping or her eyes were just closed but i took my chances and asked her: "do you want to make a trip? (i got a tip that she likes being wheeled around on her wheel chair)..... she didn't reply and i wasn't sure if it's just my imagination but i think i saw her dropped her head another inch lower......

hmmm, what to do?

continued here

update: i just got a news yesterday that A passed away on sunday (august 2, 2009)...... she was 100 years old.....

 

adversity reveals a person's true character...

(this is from my other blog site so i have to truncate some of the sensitive parts of this post)

i miss talking to you, but i guess that's very inappropriate now........and don't get me started about the scared part....<lines truncated>.....  


fine! yes, i'm scared of you now..... <parts truncated> you may not be aware of it but you are trying to do things that would make me get mad or cry <lines truncated>......darn, your coping mechanism <lines truncated>

but don't worry, im trying to be oblivious about it........ <some lines truncated> i personally believe that  adversity reveals a person's true character.....i saw the differences on how both of you reacted......<some lines truncated>.....

<parts truncated>

anyway, i'm not writing today just to talk about what happend........<some lines truncated> .......last night i was just thinking about how <lines truncated>

<parts truncated>
<parts truncated>

but oh well, i know im not good at waiting but i pretty much have a high level of  tolerance when dealing with people's characters/baggages/negative aura/coldness/mean-ness/etc.......... initially, i do get mad ofcourse, but after i calmed down (anger clouds reasoning) thats when i start processing the situation.........it's difficult, yes, specially when a person is trying so hard to stretch your patience to it's limits.......... but i try to see the good side in everyone............ yeah, "try", because i'm not a saint and being tolerant to a person who's mean to you is very difficult..............

anyway,

yes, so no matter how weird, mean or cold they can be, they are still human beings......... most of the time the reason they react how they react is because of what happend to them in the past and sometimes we wont understand why they react that way because we havent experienced what that person have experienced........... we havent felt what he had felt that time.......... plus there are more things to consider like we all have different upbringing, different principles, different life experiences.............. that's why given a situation, everyone reacts differently............ that's why i think it's really important that we give everyone the benefit of the doubt......... suspend judgment......... because you don't know that person's past.......... and i want to be treated that way too.......... i dont want people to judge me just because of the 10% they know about me.........  so yeah, the golden rule applies.....

i know, i know you're not in any way interested on any of that......i just thought i'd write my thoughts........ i have withdrawal symptoms too, you know...... but i dont try to be ice-cold when dealing with my adversity, i write......

funnies

got that from here:

http://xkcd.com/518/

 

is this what you really want?

at the end of the day can you honestly say:

"yes, i'm happy with what i'm doing.... this is what i want
 and i got what i want without stepping into anyone's toes
 i played fair..
 i didn't take advantage of anyone
 and i didn't allow greed to take the best of me"

can you?

really?

sure, sure...
whatever makes you sleep at night....

i'm just messing with you, of course you can..... give yourself a pat on the back because there are some people i know who can't which is really sad..... but that's the life they chose to live and they're getting used to it and to make matters worst they'll do whatever it takes to justify their wrong doings.....

pathetic...

so very pathetic...

when a person starts becoming greedy....

he/she makes very stupid decisions....

i have overheard that while i was eating my lunch at our office breakroom and while my co-workers are talking about what happend to citibank.....

i have been a victim of greed..... in all flavors and in all forms..... from the moment i learn my ABCs until i learn the null pointer exception..... and probably would still will if i won't be too careful next time.....

"greed makes stupid decisions"....i couldn't agree more.... very true indeed....

very.

true.

that's it..im getting a tattoo...

i've been thinking about this since i got my first henna tattoo in boracay (that was 2006) and i almost got a real one two years ago but i chickened out.....

i'm trying again....

i'm getting a 2-inch colored butterfly on my right belly near the hipbone on sunday.... low enough so it wouldn't get stretched that much when i get pregnant someday.....

but ofcourse since i'm such a wimp i might end up bolting out from the tattoo artist again, lol.....we'll see...

some will punish you for being successful...

some people will punish you and will make you feel guilty for being successful...
they can't stand the thought that you can be good at doing more than two things at the same time, it drives them nuts....
and so they will try to hurt you, to pull you down....
and they will try to sweet-coat it as something that you should gratefully swallow....


Lord, i pray for patience...
and humility...
and the strength to not succumb to any ill feelings towards them....

still you gotta make up your mind...

I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love, there's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do
I heard you on the phone, you took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy, the guy who left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you blue?
When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

What you gonna say when he comes over?
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams, all the disappointment
Oh girl, what you gonna do?
Your heart keeps sayin' it's just not fair
But still you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

you're only young once, but you can be immature forever

 

it's true what they say...."you're only young once, but you can be immature forever", LOL

yep, this is a text conversation from a two fully grown adults....

friend: that's too late for bribery.. i want my popsicles back
me:     that's not a bribe...and no you can't have your popsicles back!
friend: u ate them???!!
me:     i'm holding them hostage...i'm eating one right now
friend: noooo! leave my popsicles alone.

 

 

don't walk on the ceiling?

remember the http://notalwaysright.com/ ? here's another one that would make you fall from your sit, literally! lol

a co-worker of mine told me about this and i thank her for that........ here's another way to de-stress myself when my codes are acting up and doesn't what to do what i tell, err, code, it to do, lol

http://failblog.org/

enjoy! and don't let your boss catch you

p.s.
don't walk on the ceiling is this:
http://failblog.org/2009/04/23/obvious-walk-sign-fail/

oh boy... LOL

 

this is a sample document data that i came across with while i was doing some unit testing with my codes...... very funny...

 

Professional semantics

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Podiatrist’s office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon :
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

On another Septic Tank Truck:
"We’re #1 in the #2 business"

At a Proctologist’s door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber’s truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On another Plumber’s truck:
"Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."

On a Church’s Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon’s Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company:
"We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician’s truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist’s Office :
"If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist’s window:
"We really know our stuff."

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company :
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However , if you don’t, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don’t stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
"Drive carefully. We’ll wait. "

At a Propane Filling Station ,
"Thank heaven for little grills."

And don’t forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
" Best place in town to take a leak ."

 

overwhelming.....

i just have to blog this while i'm in the "moment" and before the "corny" signals reach my brain cells.....

there are moments in my life when i can just feel God's presence..... like he's just here standing beside me with his loving hand on my right shoulder........ it's overwhelming i can't explain it......

that's what i'm feeling right now....... i just feel very happy and content and at peace..... it's weird actually and some of you might think it's corny but that's what im currently feeling......

what i want to do right now is to get down on my knees spread my arms and just shout "i love you LORD!"

thank you Lord for always being there for me....... sometimes i don't even deserve all these blessings but you're still there for me....... thank you Lord, thank you..... help me to be worthy of all these blessings.....

kapag ako ay nagmahal by jolina

anyone here who knows the chords for this song?

Ibibigay ang lahat-lahat
Handa kong gawin
Lahat ng 'yong hiling
Sukli man ay sugat-sa-pu-so

Karamay ka
Sa hirap at saya
Masaktan mo man
Damdamin ko
Ako'y nandyan parin sayong tabi

Kapag ako ay nagmahal
Ang lahat ng ito'y magagawa
'Di magbabago, 'di maghahangad
Ng anumang kapalit
Kapag ako ay nagmahal
Umiyak man ako hindi ko ito ikakahihiya
Handa akong magtiis
Kapag ako, kapag ako ay nagmahal

Sa 'yo lamang
Iikot aking mundo
Sa 'ki'y bale wala
Sasabihin ng iba
Basta't alam ko
Mahal kita

Kapag ako ay nagmahal
Ang lahat ng ito'y magagawa
'Di magbabago, 'di maghahangad
Ng anumang kapalit
Kapag ako ay nagmahal
Umiyak man ako hindi ko ito ikakahihiya
Handa akong magtiis
Kapag ako, kapag ako ay nagmahal

saying goodbye is never an easy thing...

i decided it's time to let go of everything that's:

1. been bothering me
2. been hurting me
3. been driving me nuts
4. all of the above

i have tried to let go of all those things one at a time so i wouldn't get overwhelmed...... yeah, have think these over a lot of times and it took a lot of courage and humility and will power to finally let go...... it's difficult, really difficult and i almost don't want to do it anymore but prayer is powerful...... i have to bombard the heavens with prayers every single day and almost 3x a day so that i could get the courage to say my goodbye......... and it helped me big time..... it helped me do what i have to do......

now i need to hibernate..... i need some time to mourn over all these and let these things to sink into my tortured brain cells.....

p.s.
yep, that explains the car, the rockband 2 and the new netbook, lol..... i need diversions...

mike, if you're reading this.... i'm taking the parking slot right next to the dumpster, where i won't run over anyone, haha....

i worry about growing old alone

no wedding ring?
nope.

no engagement ring?
nope.

no promise ring? no boyfriend? no boytoy?
nope. nope. nope.but i do have a lot of friends.

why?
why do i have a lot of friends?

no, i mean why are you single?

oh boy, that question again.

ok, here's the thing...... i do worry about myself sometimes..... i worry about growing old alone...... dying alone...... and all other thoughts i could think of to torture myself, i'm weird that way sometimes....... sometimes i expect the worst because i don't want to get disappointed that much to the point that i'm becoming a pessimist........ but anyway, after some time those thoughts gets old that i would turn oblivious about those things.......... it gets so old that i get tired of it that i bore myself to the core sometimes....and so i stop..... well, not until something would trigger it....... but i'm still good........... i really thank God for my friends....... they distract me from thinking sad thoughts........ they make me feel wanted...... they make me feel alive and pretty and happy....... and most of all they feed me..... lol....

growing old alone still scares me, i'll be honest..... but i do know i just have to be patient..... that my time will come..... i know he's out there somewhere....the right time just hasn't come yet for us to meet.....

p.s.
am i looking?
no.
so no stalkers, please...

what the ff-pack!

packing tips from a packing freak

so, are you a light packer? or the can-i-bring-the-whole-house packer? 

which ever type you are i'm sure you'll find these tips useful.... just take your pick....... choose whatever is applicable for your travelling needs.....

	1. i always bring photo copies of the mug-shot page of my passport for when a hotel or bank needs to have my passport....also so that in case my passport gets lost it would be easier to have it replaced...bring photocopies of your plane tickets (or etickets) too.....also bring postcards from the philippines.....that way you're promoting our country's tourism too! 2. malong: a large piece of lightweight material, it can be used as a quick-drying towel, blanket, pillow, etc.... and did i mention you can use this as cover if you have to make "pupu" in the middle of the mountain? just have 2 people hold it for you while you're inside, LOL  ...... yep, very versatile indeed! 3.  zip-lock bags: never go anywhere without ziplock bags in various sizes...... atleast i don't....... you can put loose change, keys, etc, in a ziplock bag before going through security; also shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, and other toiletries so that you can easily see each one of them without having to make your fingers guess which one is which.........they are good, too, for keeping light colored/white (like undies and swimsuits) clothing clean...... or for storing in used undies and socks......
4. clothes are less likely to crease if you roll rather than fold them... 5. put your extra camera lenses in a thick ankle sock....you can toss them in your day pack without worrying about damage and they take up less room than bulky lens cases.
	6. tie something distinctive, like a ribbon, to your luggage handle for quick spotting at airport carousels..very helpful i tell you..specially if there are hundreds of people carrying the same color and luggage style... 7. don't forget chargers and/or batteries for all the electronic items you take with you. 8. instead of those bulky bottles try bringing the trial sizes or sachets.....that would give you enough space in your bag...
9. if you have a fancy camera, a little black electrician’s tape across the brand name discourages thieves...what appears to be a generic camera is almost worthless to those who regularly “hunt” canon, leica, nikon, and so on. 10. bring a small spray bottle...... this is most useful for wrinkled clothes..........i use this even when i'm at home and i'm too lazy to iron my clothes, lol........ anyway, so how? get a hanger and hang your clothes, spray water on the creases, leave it overnight and voila! the creases are gone... also good to carry when you're off for some beach escapades........spray water on your hair before dipping to the water...... that way your hair won't get too soaked w/ salt water .......but a leave-on conditioner is much better......
	11. money belt bag (samsonite's are nice) is a must specially if you're travelling out of the country...prying eyes won't see it and you'll never notice it's there...i usually put my passport here, extra credit cards and my money...take note, don't put your allowance for the day in here...it's not smart to peek into your money belt bag frequently...put ur daily travel allowance in your pocket... extra money and important stuff should go here...i also wear this while asleep specially if you're like me who doesn't mind staying in hostels... i just take it off when taking a bath..but i still bring it with me and hang it in the bathroom... guard this with your life!
12. consider travel or 'cargo' style trousers with plenty of gusseted pockets to put things in....these should be washable, and do not need dry cleaning, so you can wash them in the shower at night and they'll be dry enough to wear by morning (this is the reason why i'm crazy about lightweight cargo pants  ) 13. space saver bags are most useful if you're bringing in fluffy towels or sweaters... all you have to do is put your bulky clothing in these bags, get a vacuum cleaner, put in those tubies and placed the tube inside these bags to suck the air out and your done! very good for packing winter jackets.....

love is not for the selfish..

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change.It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.To love is to be vulnerable.

- [C.S. Lewis]


i will again give a talk for the next CLP ..... last time it was talk #5 ( you can watch that talk  here )  this time it's talk #6 (after pestering arvs and minette to give me that talk, lol).........

i was looking for this quote and thank goodness googling "love and casket" did the trick..... i remember blogging about this quote 5 years ago.... and i find it amusing that i can make use of this quote again...... don't u just love c.s. lewis?

humility vs justice

should i just keep quiet and practice humility?
just allow God to take care of "them" (the two of them)?
is it better to keep quiet? to just suffer in silence?

but how about my pride? ok, forget the pride, how about my rights?

i want to stand up for my right.....
i don't want them to think that i can just be trampled on....... that i'll just keep quiet and accept the beating in silence....... but i don't have money to pay for the lawyer and i guess they're aware of that and maybe that's why they're ignoring me...........

i know they have good hearts...... i hope someday they'll realize what they're doing....... and that they (2 of them) will realize that money isn't everything........


p.s.
still haven't heard from those two.... almost 6 months and counting.....

hindi states..nasa cebu ako..

interesting small talks....

warning: rated r ung isa, LOL


mani vendor: mani mani bagong luto...
after 10 minutes
mani vendor: *nag-abot ng mani ke kunduktor*
konduktor: *umayaw*
driver: di ka kumakain ng mani?
konduktor: hindi e...pag bagong hugas lang

welkam to the pilipins!! LOL



sa internet shop....

me: pa-internet...
lalaki: sige dun, sa number 5....bakit ngayon lang kita nakita ulit?
me: ah..eh...na-assign ako sa cebu ng matagal....
lalaki: ah.... kaya pala tagal kitang hindi nakita dito....





habang tumatawag ng magtataho....

me: manong! manong!
manong: *lumapit*
me: mainit pa ba pu yang taho?
manong: di na e. kanina pa kasi yang umaga (11 na kasi nun)
me: ay sadness...cge pabili sampung piso..extra arnibal pu ulit ha..
manong: ma'am ang tagal kitang hindi nakita ah..nag-abroad ka ba?
me: ay hindi pu, na-assign ako sa cebu..manong extra sago na rin..




sa bpi...

guard: *habang binubuksan ang pinto* ma'am. artista daw po kayo?
me: ha? may artista bang nagji-jeep?



habang nakaupo sa tapat ng sari-sari store ng kaibigan

tita (nanay ng friend ko): si marlin ba yan?
friend ko: opo si marlin
tita (nanay ng friend ko): parang bumata ka ah
friend ko: nasa ibang timezone kasi sya

mwehehe.... ang totoo madilim kasi nung nakita ako ni tita.....



sa lugawan....

me: kuya, kalahating lugaw na may itlog..kalahating binagoongan at kalahating kanin at isang pop cola.....magkano lahat?

yes, onli in da pilipins




sa palengke...

me: ate kalahating baboy
tindera: pang-ano?
me: pang-gisa
tindera: ang tagal mong nawala ah. nag-abroad ka ba?
me: ay hindi pu. na-assign ako ng matagal sa cebu...magkano kalahating kilo sa pitso ng manok?

pinangatawanan ko na ung cebu para consistent......wehehe...

notice the building at the backdrop? yep, SEC.....

i've been trying to reach my ex-partners and doing follow-ups and asking them very politely if they could please send me my copy of the corporate agreement.......... i've been trying to reach them for 5 months now but to no avail........ by the way, just a backgrounder, i'm one of the board of directors of travel factor...... ...well, i used to until they decided to let me go......... which i have now accepted.............. what i can't accept is how they treat me after............

so anyway, i want to give them the benefit of the doubt that they're just busy, that they didn't see my email....that they haven't read my ym messages......... that my email went to their spam folder but i guess 5 months is too much.......... i don't need a novel-like email...... even a simple "ayeen, we're still working on it" or "ayeen, we're still busy" would do...... but to ignore me flat out, that's just mean and rude.............. and to think i haven't done anything wrong to them (as some of you already know, it's the other way around)............

so lil sacheen and i decided to hop on a bus (ortigas ilalim) equipped w/ pamaypay and C2 and went to securities and exchange commission (sec) to request for authenticated copies of all of travel factor's legal documents..................

i've been reading all the documents (by laws, business registration, etc) and i found out that a board of director has more power over the president........... approving compensation is one of them....... and that there's what we call a voting process if there's a need to change the board of director or if his/her term is done......... maybe they did the voting but w/o informing me.........oh well...... what's done is done.......

sorry if this would sound offending to those close to my ex-partners but something fishy is really going on....... i guess that's the reason why they don't want to give me a copy of our corporation's legal documents........ why else would they keep that document from me? but maybe i'm wrong....... i still want to give them the benefit of the doubt........ i'll wait for what they have to say.......

i want to put this to rest, really....... but i just hate it when i'm trying to be civil and trying to be nice to them but they just ignore me............. forgive me, but that does pisses me off............ it's not like i have contacted all their clients and bad mouth them.......... it's not like i asked my friends to boycott them............. i didn't even try to sue them (although i am really tempted)....... the only ugly thing i did to them is that i left for U.S. and that i practiced my freedom of speech..............oh, and yeah........ don't get me started about the liquidation stuff............ let's just say i have asked for update (they don't have to give it to me right away, i just want to be included in the loop about what's going on w/ the liquidation process) but still not a single word...........


i am not writing this to get "kakampi"..............i'm just venting and blogging is my form of therapy.................... and again, like i said before, what i write and don't write isn't anybody's business.................you have to understand that this is MY journal................ and i don't want to force my thoughts and opinions on anyone and you are free to bolt out and click the "x" button at the upper right section of your screen anytime if you don't like what you see...............

oh, and this ISN'T public.... all my blogs are just for my contacts...


p.s.
i did ask them if we could meet (i think that's 2-3 days ago, before i went to sec)..... and guess what? yep, no reply......

on digital perm and being a non-comformist...

i remember one of my friends who teased me that i'm a non-comformist........ well that's not really true but i do tend to sometimes..... i don't want to get what everyone else is getting...... i don't want to do what everyone else is doing..... like:

- every IT person i know goes to singapore and while i do have a very few job offers i still don't want to grab that opportunity.......

- i don't want to jump on the iphone band wagon .......... im waitng for palm's iphone killer (palm pre).......i was even thinking of getting google's gmobile but decided not to.....

and the latest? drum roll please, LOL

i was thinking of getting a 2nd semi rebond (had one on 2005) but after much deliberation and after seeing that most people is sporting a straight hair i decided i'll go for the digital perm instead...... AND I LOVE MY NEW HAIR!!

thanks tony & jackey salon (it's a korean salon).......

pictures soon..


p.s.
yeah, when something is bothering me and i
need distractions my hair is usually the victim
ergo the new hairstyle i have now, lol....
and ofcourse i did a lot of shopping too...... that's my
ultimate therapy....

p.p.s
special shout out to marie,
she introduced me to digital
perm.....me so love her hair!

all is fair in love and war?

cuz: ate when they say "all is fair in love and war" what does that mean?

me: it means nothing is out of bounds... and there are no rules or restrictions in these two endevours.....

cuz: hmm. i can't decide if that's a good thing or not...

me: *lol* neither do i..

on mayonnaise sa buhok at cuticle remover sa talampakan....

gusto mo ng mapulang paa?

Once may nakita akong girl, nakasandals, ang cute cute cute ng paa nya. Yung mapula ba yung sakong. Eh di 'may i' inggit to the max menthol candy naman ako (singit lang yung menthol candy ha). Gusto ko ganun din paa ko. Eh di 'may i' chika to my friend ako dun sa nakita ko. Sabi ko gusto ko rin ng ganung paa. Sabi nya sa kin "hello??!!, maputi ka ba? kaya naging ganun paa nun kasi maputi sya". Impaktang yun! Na-hurt ako dun ah. Buti na lang friendliship ko sya, kaya kahit gusto ko na syang sabunutan eh, wala, dedma na lang.

Eh kaso after ilang araw may nakita na naman akong girlash na cuty rin ang paa. naka-kikay sya ng shoes. Siyet! gusto ko ganung paa. Eh di, inggitation na naman ako.

Pag-uwi ko ng bahay hinagilap ko cuticle remover sa bahay, at nag 'may i' paint ako jan ng paa. Hoy! ilalim lang ng paa ko noh! Ano ba tawag dun? sole? Basta ayun. Nung una ang pula nya sobra. Parang nakaapak ako ng dugo ng manok sa palengke. In short, swangit!. Binanlawan ko na lang, tapos nilagyan ko yung iba pang puting part ng paa ko (yung sa gilid-gilid ng paa natin na part pa rin ng sole). Mga ilang araw ko rin ginawa yun para ma-master ko kung saan yung dapat meydo pink alin ang hindi. Ayun!

So one day, "may i' suot ako nung sandals ko jan. Tapos ni-flaunt ko ang aking cutie na faa (paa). O di ba. Kaso halos mamatay sa tawa yung friendliship ko nung malaman nya kung pano ko pininturahan yung faa ko. Paki ko! If i know, inggit lang sya. LOL

Pero kala mo dun na titigil ang aking ka-abnormalan? Di pa noh! Eto ang aking- tandadan!

healthier shinnier hair? time for lady's choice mayonnaise!

Sabi nila maganda raw conditioner yung mayonnaise sa buhok. Eh ako naman, basta ka-artehan sa buhay nangunguna ako jan. Symepre nag-try din ako. Bumili ako ng lady's choice mayonnaise. Ayoko ng best food, di masarap yun eh (as if naman!). Tapos ginawa ko na syang shampoo. Niloloko nga ako ng mga pinsan ko na kulang nalang daw sa kin monay o pandesal. After mga ilang minutes binanlawan ko na sya. Sunday nun eh, magsisimba kami ng mga pinsan ko. Pagkatapos kong maligo (at magbanlaw ng buhok ng pagkadaming beses) eh di bihis na agad ako (kundi mumurahin ako ng mga pinsan ko kung matagal na naman ako). Kaso pagdating sa simbahan.. Mega! Amoy macaroni salad na ako! Kulang na lang pickles. Ang hirap pala banlawin nun, sobra. Eh sus! gumanda nga ang buhok ko, ang mga ka-fafa-han naman lumalayo sa asim ko. Simula nun kinalimutan ko na ang paggamit ng mayonnaise. Isa na sya sa mga masama kong panaginip. Haha.

Ano pa inii-scroll mo? Tapos na noh.

 

a repost from my old secret xanga site... hehe

what the heck is a conundrum..

person 1: i'm facing a conundrum
person 2: huh? here you are using words i can't even spell again..
person 1: lol, you're a local..im using your language....anyway, i need to decide and i only have two options but don't know which to choose because either would make me miserable
person 2: choose the lesser evil
person 1: both are equally evil


i just thought i'd share that........  i was looking at dictiorary.com and other "definitions" sites and they all give me the same definitions:

- a very hard puzzle
- a riddle
- a riddle in which a fanciful question is answered by a pun.
- the conundrum is trying to reconcile contrasting or different things that are in some ways mutually exclusive.

the last one above is close but this is the best practical situational definition i found:

no matter what option you take you are in for trouble.

mahilig ako sa "S".....bad ba yun?

oo. mahilig ako sa "S". normal lang naman yun e di ba? explain ko.

simulan natin sa tanong na. sino si sweet_sentiments.

sabi nila kamukha ko raw si martina hingis pero mas feel ko na sabihin nyo na kamukha ko sa maria sharapova. bakit parang nasusuka ka. hindi? hindi ko kamukha? yaah! hiyah! hiyah! o di ba, sound-alike naman kami? pede na yun. pumayag ka na! naman. kala ko ba prenship tayo. hmpf.

anyway.

so bakit sweet_sentiments. ewan ko nga ba. basta ang alam ko nung college ako transition acid ang handle ko sa mga chat rooms. e biglang nalimutan ko password ko sa yahoo account ko so kelangan ko mag-isip ulit ng bago. basta gusto ko kasi two words. tapos habang nagmu-muni-muni ako ng magandang handle sumisipsip ata ako ng stork na candy nun. e di ba matamis yun. pangit naman kung sweet_maanghang di ba. kaya kelangan ko mag-isip ng iba. e nung time na yun nage-emote ata ako. kaya sentiments naisip ko.

sweet.

sentiments.

inulit-ulit ko yan sa utak ko habang nakatitig ako sa batok ng babae sa harap ko. then finally.

hmm, pwede! !

oops. lumingon ung batok. tumingin na lang ako sa kisame. at nagpanggap na nanghuhuli ng langaw. nung nde na nakatingin si batok. punta na ako sa yahoo dot com.

"do you want to sign up for a new account?"
hell yeah!
and sweet_sentiments was born.

punta naman tayo sa hobbies. para masaya. at alam ko curious ka na sa S na sinasabi ko.

mahilig akong magmasid ng magagandang tanawin. like fwet ng tao. lalake o babae. di pede mukha. rude to stare. achaka. mahiyain ako di ba. LOL. anyway, speaking of fwet. nung 1st time ko nakarating ng america nde ako na-culture shock. na-fwet shock ako. dito ka makakakita ng fwet na singlaki ng balloon. balloon na gamit sa hot air balloon festival sa pampanga ha. at pramis. mame-mesmerize ka. habang naglalakad ang may-ari ng ga-gargantuan na fwet na ganun parang nihi-hypnotize ka nya. parang sinasabi nya sa yo. tumingin ka. tumingin ka. tumingin ka. tip lang. try not to think of the song "drop it like it's hot". bakit? subukan mo. ewan kung makakain ka. tapos kwento mo sa kin ha. para pagtawanan kita.

teka. balik tayo sa hobbies.

so ano pa ba. mahilig akong makipag-socialize. masarap sumagap ng chismis e. kung sino na boyfriend ni ganito. ni ganyan. ano kamo? sino na "love layf" ni ayeen? teka ako nagkukwento. bawal kayo magtanong.

mahilig ako kumain kaya forever on a diet ako. filipino. indian. jamaican. italian. american. mexican. chinese. vietnamese. tabi-tabi-nese. turo-turo-nese. tusok-tusok-nese. basta edible. kinakain ko. anytime. any day. anywhere. mas expose sa alikabok the better kasi mas masarap yun. aba. case in point. na-try mo na ba magluto ng fishball sa bahay nyo? di ba mas masarap pa rin ang fish ball sa ayala? at mas masarap kumain ng fishball habang tumatakbo ka kasama ang fishball vendor dahil hinahabol sya ng mga tanod ng makati (kasi nga manong bawal daw magtinda jan. dapat dun sa kabilang block. tago ka sa puno).

oh! at ang pinaka importante. mahilig ako sa ...

"S"

.

.

ano yung s? .

.

"s" as in--

.

.

.

.

sex ba?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
.
.
.

singing, gaga!

sus.

ewan ko sa yo.

why am i single?

i’m still taken aback when someone asks me that question, but somehow i’ve learned not to take the question as a threat, or as an insult or a way to mock me.......... yes, i am single and for a long time now.........no, it’s not because every man in the world is blind or because every man is with the wrong woman (i just got that line from the movie p.s. i love you) because they are not blind and they are with the right women........... i know why I’m single......... i know it's because of the wrong decisions i made......... i know it's because i control what i can't control and didn't control what i can control............. it's because some things are just not meant to be..........

yes, i’m single, and yes, it’s frustrating at times and yes it gets lonely........ but i also know not to judge my worth as a person by how many times i have been asked on a date or how many times i have gone out on a date (which by the way is not a lot...not that i'm rude but i still have "preferences" and won't jump and agree to go out with every guy who asks me out)........ sure, give me that "he's just not that into you" book/dvd............. offer to introduce me to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend.............. tell me that someday my time will come—that's kind of you......... but i still think that if someone asks me that question i would still cringe............. but i think i'm getting better in handling that question ("i think" as the operative word) because now i try to answer the question without needing to justify myself or taking it the wrong way and without feeling the need to punch that person who asked that question on the face, lol.......... that's a good thing, right? lol

i’m single for many reasons, some of them out of my control, some of them not, some of them good, some of them bad................ but i’m also single because maybe i just need to be comfortable with just being with myself first.......... learn to set what my real priorities are.............. maybe i need to learn a few things about life first.......... or maybe i'm bound for single-blessedness, who knows, right? but don't worry i think i’ll be just fine............. i will still try to date and fail and generate some hilarious misadventures........... but hey, at least those misadventure makes for some amusing stories......... well, once my pride recovers from embarrasment, that is.......

friend: why are you single? me: can i punch your nose now?

why are you single?

i’m still taken aback when someone asks me that question, but somehow i’ve learned not to take the question as a threat, or as an insult or a way to mock me.......... yes, i am single and for a long time now.........no, it’s not because every man in the world is blind or because every man is with the wrong woman (i just got that line from the movie p.s. i love you) because they are not blind and they are with the right women........... i know why I’m single......... i know it's because of the wrong decisions i made......... i know it's because i control what i can't control and didn't control what i can control............. it's because some things are just not meant to be..........

yes, i’m single, and yes, it’s frustrating at times and yes it gets lonely........ but i also know not to judge my worth as a person by how many times i have been asked on a date or how many times i have gone out on a date (which by the way is not a lot...not that i'm rude but i still have "preferences" and won't jump and agree to go out with every guy who asks me out)........ sure, give me that "he's just not that into you" book/dvd............. offer to introduce me to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend.............. tell me that someday my time will come—that's kind of you......... but i still think that if someone asks me that question i would still cringe............. but i think i'm getting better in handling that question ("i think" as the operative word)  because now i try to answer the question without needing to justify myself or taking it the wrong way and without feeling the need to punch that person who asked that question on the face, lol.......... that's  a good thing, right? lol

i’m single for many reasons, some of them out of my control, some of them not, some of them good, some of them bad................ but i’m also single because maybe i just need to be comfortable with just being with myself first.......... learn to set what my real priorities are.............. maybe i need to learn a few things about life first.......... or maybe i'm bound for single-blessedness, who knows, right? but don't worry i think i’ll be just fine............. i will still try to date and fail and generate some hilarious misadventures........... but hey, at least those misadventure makes for some amusing stories......... well, once my pride recovers from embarrasment, that is.......

 

on grieving process and pills...

is there a pill that would make you stop crying? i've been in crying marathon for weeks now and i know that's not good...... well, the only good thing that came out of it is that i'm losing weight...... i don't look like a tadpole because of my big tummy anymore, lol...

not to be melodramatic again but my life stinks right now and i am so very distracted...... a lot of things are happening all at the same time........... but i know i'll be ok..... grieving still, but i'll cope up......

i think volunteering in a hospice is somehow helping me in my grieving process........ when you're with people whose days are numbered and whenever you hear the stories that terminally ill people share or hear stories of fellow volunteers' experiences you will learn to appreciate your life a lot more and it gives you an eye opener on how to live your life better and how lucky you are to still have a full life ahead of you........ the other thing that i'm thankful about is learning about the stages of grief because it helped me understand my pain.......

there are 5 stages of grief: (1)denial and isolation, (2)anger, (3)bargaining, (4)depression, (5)acceptance.......... but these doesn't have to happen one after the other......... like, ok i'm in stage 1 today and after a month i should be at stage 2 and so on............. no, it could be stage 1 today and stage 5 tomorrow and then something would remind you of something and you're back in stage 1 or stage 2 in the morning and then stage 4 at night.......... or you can be feeling all 2 or 3 or all 5 stages at the same time........

i have been in and out of those stages for these past weeks except for stage 1 and 5...... i'm done with isolation and denial and have accepted the reality...... what i'm struggling with right now is 2, 3 and 4.......


nah, i don't need a pill to make me stop crying...... that's how i cope up.....

hey, happy anniversary..

it's been two years last february 16....

it's been two years when i first came here in the U.S as h1b visa holder....

it's been two wasted years..... two years of pails and pails of tears...... two years of never ending grief......

but it is what it is.... digging into the past and piling up regrets won't change what has already happened..... so what to do?


suck it up

p.s.
it's time for the walk of the living dead....
*auto pilot mode on*

hospice for valentines day..

someone asked me where i'm going for valentines day....

my answer? i am going to a hospice....

might as well die w/ a smile and a teriyaki sauce on my lips..

i got bored with the profile thingie i have in my friendster and facebook account.... so here's how it looks like now....lol

i'm all about balance... i try to keep things under control one day and out of control the next...peaceful one day, chaotic the next...see, it's all about balance!lol

i'm always curious and always willing to leap into unexplored territory just to see what's out there...i just hope i have enough money, though...oh, donations are welcome :P

i have one very good ingredient for coping up with lifes intricacies -- cry away ... yep, nothing beats a good long hours of crying for releasing negative emotions... that and playing wii...fine, that's 2 ingredients...

i love taking photos but i'd rather be in it, yep, infront of the camera...so pass me the tripod, please...

i run on coffee and snicker bars... and all other "not good for you" food.... we all have to die sooner or later, i might as well die with a smile and a teriyaki sauce on my lips...

on another note...

i was playing with logitech's universal remote...... setting up and stuff..... darn, that thing rocks! now i don't have to shuffle on 4 remote controls and i don't have to raise an eyebrow trying to figure out why the heck the volume button is not working (only to find out ofcourse that i'm using the wrong remote).....sweet!

kung ok lang sa yo...

i'm having a last song syndrome moment again, lol.

i attended a baby shower last saturday and ofcourse karaoke is part of the party, lol and one of my friends sang this song and i kept singing it on my mind over and over until now........ my friend told me this is the ultimate harana song and that they would actually do a "harana" (in the city mind you) singing this song, cute......... but my harana song would still be chasing cars, hehe...


True Faith Kung Okey Lang Sayo lyrics

‘Di malaman kung ano ang gagawin
Sa damdamin na ‘di ko maamin
Sa sarili
Kung bakit ka pa ba nandiyan

Sabi-sabi ng mga kaibigan ko
Huwag mong pilitin ang ‘di para sa ‘yo
Ngunit bakit hindi kita malimutan
Sa ‘yo ba’y OK lang

Habang tumatagal, lumalala, laging nagwawala
Tumitindi, umiinit, sumasakit ang dibdib
Kaya ako’y gumawa ng awiting ito na alay ko sa ‘yo
At sana’y pakinggan mo

Huwag ka sanang magugulat sa akin
‘Di ako sanay sa ganitong suliranin
Huwag kang matakot hindi ako manloloko
Kung OK lang sa ‘yo

Ngayong alam mo na, sana’y ‘di ka mainis
At pasensya na kung ako ay makulit
Pero kung gusto mo, ako na lang ang lalayo
Kung OK lang sa ‘yo

everything DOESN'T happen for a reason

i no longer believe that everything happens for a reason.....

because it's more like.....

everything happens as an aftermath of your decision...



i wish there's a cure for stupidity because i surely need a big dose.....
but oh well, it is what it is........
i can't bring back time with my non-stop bawling but i must admit that somehow it numbs the unwanted emotions......


it is true.......... pride really doesn't get you anywhere.....
i learned that the hard way....



p.s.
what have i done?

no need to go back..

i just found out that there's no reason for me to decide to go back to the philippines....

yep, pride won't take you anywhere.... i learned that the hard way...

God, help me...

25 thingies..

disclaimer: some posts here might be offending to some... so read at your own risk... i was tagged at facebook but i thought of reposting it here... some i just copied-pasted from my other randon thingie posts...my apologies if some are redundant.... ======================================== fine..i was tagged by 2 of my friends so i guess i can no longer pretend that i wasn't tagged, lol.... Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. (To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.) 1. if money isn't a problem (like if i won the powerball, hehe) i'd rather be working as a tour guide or a librarian somewhere in italy (italy fascinates me)...plus i'l'l have my own travel agency (sole proprietorship, this time) and a coffee shop too and maybe a spa business...i can dream right? 2. my favorite flowers are peach AND white roses...not OR.. A-N-D... 3. i'm anal retentive... think monica from f.r.i.e.n.d.s 4. i'm very stubborn...don't even test it.. 5. i used to own a travel agency but my partners surprised me and kicked me out ...why? go ask them... 6. i'm still dreaming of having my one-man photo exhibit (here's a sample: www.ayeenonline.com) 7. i took a course in setting up a travel agency and course on airline booking & reservation and making tour packages.. but i'm a graduate of b.s. in information and computer science... 8. i have been playing tennis since 1999 but i still suck at it, lol 9. there is this one person i see everyday that i really like and i like watching that person's back (i said back not butt, sheesh...loll) ...but i'm not telling, nah-uh... :P 10. you can see me at batas .45 (an fpj movie)... a-ha! got ur attention, huh..i was still very young that time..i'm at robin good too (go figure, lol) 11. i'm a cry baby (prolly caused by a glitch on my tear ducts)...and my tear duct is connected to my emotions... i cry when i'm angry, sad, happy... and i HATE it.. 12. i want to have my own coffee shop someday... and i love cappuccino, the sweet kind, like mocha wake up from wawa...oh yeah, i love wawa! 13. i have lived in 4 places : makati, north carolina (raleigh), new jersey (plainsboro), pennsylvania (philly, wyncote) 14. i love chicken..chicken cordon blue, chicken wings, chicken parmesan, fried chicken, tinolang manok, sinampalukang manok, chicken quesadilla.. anything chicken--cooked.. 15. and ribs but i hate steak (except the philly cheese steak, lol) 16. i used to love drinking but i suddenly acquired an alcohol allergy year 2002 (throat and eyes are itchy, air passage constricting, sneezing like crazy)...now i have to take allegra or zyrtec 30 min before i drink any alcoholic beverage (even if it's just 1%) 17. i love to read.. i read all genres, juvenile (HP, chronicles of narnia), philosophical (atlas shrugged, fountain head), inspirational (og mandino's, paolo coelho's), chic lits (jane green, marian keyes, etc), contemporary (jeffrey archer, sidney sheldon, nicholas sparks,etc), books about travelling, books about interior designs.. and i dont like my books being dog-eared.. 18. i'll go crazy if i don't get to travel in a new place atleast once a year... 19. i'm a hopeless romantic... i wish i'm not though, it gets me in trouble, tee hee hee 20. i love food...i love trying out different cuisines and trying out different resto...and desserts is my weakness... i love tiramisu and panna cotta and anything chocolate flavored.... and that's why i'm forever on a diet, hahaha...wait, speaking of chocolates...i like snickers, M&Ms w/ peanuts AND ferreros... 21. i talk to my codes/computer sometimes when i'm working...and i do make faces when my codes are not cooperating, lol... 22. i want to watch sharapova and marat safin play during the US Open or Wimbledon--live, in person, right there at the stadium.. 23. i can't live w/o music and yes i listen to country (i love keith urban and rascal flatts) 24. i almost got married (nope, no proposals he just suggested it) because of looming long distance problem but we decided it's not necessary so we shrug the idea off... 25. i need 3 pillows when sleeping-- under my head, over my head and in between my thighs (preferrably a body size pillow)...and i sleep like a cocoon--blanket over my face...and i sleep sideways with one of my arms under my pillow...one leg stretched while the other one is bent... im not sure why i'm sharing this too, it's rv's fault, lol i won't tag anyone.... so feel free to post ur 25 random thingies if you feel like it :)

hatching up more ways to hurt me

i just want not to be treated like a rug...is that so wrong?

i have been nice to you...

       now tell me, are you proud that you did what you did to me? are you?

are you and your conscience genuinely happy about the outcome?

      i hope you're not hatching up more ways to hurt me....

 

so..do you want a bird? or a non-bird? (cardinals vs steelers)

i found a discarded metro on the R5 train and i picked it up.... and this cracked me up:

No Home Team To Root For? Try This....

:: Why you should root for the steelers
1. Obama picked them and he's apparently right all the time.
2. Tomlin looks like Omar Epps, and everyone loves that guy.
3. By default. You didn't even know Arizona still had a team.

:: Why you should root for the Cardinals
1. They are trying to end a 61-year title drought.
2. Sick of the weather? An Arizona victory parade sounds nice.
3. Kurt Warner's got Jesus on his side. Shouldn't you?

i'm still sad that my eagles lost to arizona....it would have been fun if both PA football team would be in the superbowl and it would be more fun if eagles won so that would be double victory for philly (phillies and eagles)...... but oh well... it is what it is....

it's superbowl this sunday and i'll prolly be at douglasville at my friend's house to watch it...paging arvs, lol..

p.s.
go steelers!

an open letter: suck it up!

email ko 'to sa friend ko..... pero habang binabasa ko sya parang letter ko sya para sa sarili ko......


*big hug*

hayy friendA.... hirap talaga maging adult no?

sana batang paslit na lang tayo forever na ang problema lang e pano mangungupit ng pagkain, lol.... o pano manghihingi ng pera sa nanay at tatay......

pero ano pa ba magagawa natin...... anjan na yan.... pag nasa babang-baba ka na there's no way to go but up...... when your back is against the wall theres nothing else to do but step forward......

kaya natin to...... ang dami na nating napagdaanang mga problema sa buhay im sure makakayanan natin to ulit...... ayokong tanungin ka kung ano na ung details nang nangyayari sa yo (sabihin mo lang sa kin pag ready ka na) pero we can't correct our mistakes by another mistake so make the best out of the bad situation na lang....

hahahaha....alam ko madaling sabihin pero mahirap gawin..... ako din may mga regrets sa buhay..... like, napapaisip din ako minsan kung tama ba naging desisyon ko sa pagpunta dito sa US...... kasi imbis na mapaganda buhay ko parang lalong gumulo.....ewan ko ba..... nakakabayad nga ako ng utang ko pero parang ang kapalit naman sobrang stress at depression (plus mga kung ano-anong bagay/tao na nawala at kinuha sa kin)........ naiisip ko tuloy kung worth it ba tong decision na ginawa ko...... kaso lang andito na 'to, andito na ako.... ..... sabi nga e "suck it up"..... lunukin na lang sabay talon para masaya! lol........

may nabasa ako, sabi, pag ang isang tao daw hindi na alam kung ano gagawin nya given a situation dun lumalabas ang totoong character nya, ang totoong ugali...... sa palagay mo sa yo, ano ang lalabas na totoong ugali mo? hopefully positive........ kaya basta bago ka gumawa ng kahit ano pag-isipan ng 100x....... tsaka minsan ang nagiging solusyon lang sa problema communication..... kaya un ang unang-una mong gawin..... sabihin nasa loob mo..... wala tayong ESP, sila rin wala....so hindi nila malalaman anong nasa isip mo kung di ka magsasalita.........


take it easy..... minsan naman naso-solve mag-isa ang problema...... alam ko yung feeling pag involve ang ??????????????..... pero minsan kelangan talaga mag-let go na lang...... kung kaya mo silang kausapin kausapin mo..... pag ayaw makinig sa yo atleast you did your part....... pag ganun, there's nothing left to do but to respect their decisions..... mahirap maintindihan kasi wala tayo sa "shoes" nila...... pero let's hope and pray na maging ok pa rin ang lahat......


tsaka pala..... eto corny pero sasabihin ko na rin...... effective pa rin ang dasal.....

kaya mo yan friendA!

*big big big hug*

what i write or don't write is nobody's business..

i'm rediscovering the fun of writing to old-fashioned diaries (read: using a pen and a notebook)....

i learned to write on diaries when a friend of mine in 1st year highschool gave me one as a birthday present.... i was writing on diaries until i discovered xanga.com in 2001....

yep, ayeen is starting to write on diaries again.... because there are just some thoughts that i would rather keep to myself...... yeah, yeah, i can always make my entries private so no one else can see it but it's just different..... writing using a pen feels more intimate more personal than typing on a keyboard..... it's like every stroke of my pen, every loops and lines and dots and strike throughs represents all the exact thoughts, exact emotions i'm feeling at that time....

that's another thing, the "strike-throughs" also tells something.... it represents the first thing that came to my mind but decided the words aren't that appropriate, or it may represent something that i wasn't meaning to write but that's the thing that my pen ended up writing, which would show me that i got distracted at that moment and had written something i didn't mean to write..... things like that...... but when you type your thoughts you can always hit the delete button....or the back space... or the ctrl Z and all the "raw" thoughts disappear......

writing on physical diary is a whole new different world..... no one will misinterpret your entries...... no one will over analyze what your entries means...... no one will condemn you of writing something just because you want the sympathy from other people...... or that you are just boasting...... or you just want attention....... people will have different interpretations based on how much they know about you...... and most often than not, the way they interpret my blogs are just far fetched..... reader A would interpret my blog different from reader B because reader A knows about my drama 1.0 but not drama 2.0 and reader B knows drama 2.0 but not drama 1.0. and neither of them knows about drama 3.0 and 4.0 and 5.0 and for all we know i might be talking about drama 3.0 or drama 4.0 or drama 5.0..... you know what i'm saying?

i write to express my thoughts, my feelings..... this is my therapy...... what i write or don't write is nobody's business...... you are entitled to your own opinion the same way that i am.... and i humbly suggest that you read my blogs with a pinch of salt..... it would be nice too if you give me the benefit of the doubt because there are a lot of things that i don't share in my blog (simply because i'm not comfortable to share them) and interpreting my blogs and jumping to conclusions based on the 10% you know about me is really not the way to go....

happy reading...

things i have learned (and believed in) so far...

in no particular order..

1. people will believe what they chose to believe... no proper logic nor correct reasoning can alter what they have conditioned their mind to believe in

2. never "back-stab" people... because that's what the cowards do.... because that's what people who want "an easy way out" do....

3. love is not blind, it is stupid...when one is in love all proper reasoning just flies out the window...

4. you have the right to get mad but don't let it eat you...

5. don't wear your heart on your sleeves they would take advantage of you

6. it's important to know when to fight and to know when to stop and let karma take over

7. in an argument, the one who is level headed wins

8. the fewer words the more the message would sink in

9. "woosah" helps

10. giving people the benefit of the doubt works wonders

11. people have different levels of sensitivity; don't feel superior just because you have much higher level of tolerance

12. we all have different upbringing, we all have different experiences, principles, ideals, priorities, moral values, etc that is why when given a bad situation i shouldn't expect them to behave and react the same way i would... some just cracks under pressure... we all have our weaknesses.... plus the timing of the situation also plays an important role

13. it is true that love of money is the root of all kinds of evil

14. in an argument the losing party would oftentime resort to ad hominem...

15. pride, most often than not, won't take you anywhere... it would just hurt you...

16. everyone has their own "topak" moments so try to be understanding.... you get into their nerves too when you have your "topak" moment.... (topak: not in the mood, irritable, mood swings)

17. stay away from paranoid and insecure people... they're energy leeches...

18. some people expects me to have ESP... i need to remind them that i don't have ESP that i can't read minds and that they really need to learn how to "communicate"....

19. an angry person = clouded reasoning...wait for them to calm down...

20. your friends can either make or break you... if they did the latter, charge it to experience, move on and run for the hills! it's not worth your time or energy to associate w/ those kinds anymore....

21. some people will lie to get the sympathy of other people....and the most painful lie are the ones coming from the mouths of people of your own flesh and blood...

22. what you do when no one's looking is the real you...and what you do when you don't know what to do reveals your true character...

23. allowing trust issues to rule your life will only make you lonely, insecure, paranoid and miserable... see # 10

24. the more insecure the person is, the more that person will try to hurt you and be difficult...

25. there would be people in your life who would try to make you feel guilty for achieving what you have worked so hard for... ignore them...what they're doing is a classic example of "crab mentality"..

26. and there would be people who would use their inferior state to guilt-trip you into helping them (read atlas shrugged by ayn rand and you'll see what i mean) and they would take advantage of your being a push-over...

27. don't just give someone a fish, teach that someone how to fish.... because if not, you'll end up being that person's human ATM machine for life...

28. to some, when money talks nothing else matter

29. getting lost is the best way to remember a certain place....

30. it is true that difficult people are like sandpaper..they may scratch you and hurt you but eventually you end up smooth and the sandpaper worn out..

31. do not judge people because of the decisions they made because it's different when you're just an outsider looking inside and when you're actually the one "inside"... also take into consideration #12

32. and a favorite quote i want to share:
“Never allow anyone to rain on your parade and thus cast a pall of gloom and defeat on the entire day. Remember that no talent, no self-denial, no brains, no character, are required to set up in the fault-finding business. Nothing external can have any power over you unless you permit it. Your time is too precious to be sacrificed in wasted days combating the menial forces of hate, jealously, and envy. Guard your fragile life carefully. Only God can shape a flower, but any foolish child can pull it to pieces.” - og mandino

 

still trying to let go..

...i have just seen my ex-travel agency's multiply site.... it still hurts to see my name is not on it anymore.... i can't believe it would really hurt this much.....

i feel used.... without me that company won't even be where it is right now.... i guess they didn't see that....

but it's not the end of the world, right?

right?

right.


p.s.
they haven't paid me yet.
it's supposed to dec. 31

when friends forgot about you..

i saw new year eve photos of my friends...
i guess they forgot to invite me...
or everyone thought someone invited me already....


ah, the disadvantage of not having a ride...


lol, i guess i'm bitter...
that was my 1st time to celebrate
new year alone.... and it almost
drove me nuts... thank gawd for tequila...



but that's fine...no one's oblige to take care of me....
it's not right that just because they're enjoying
their new year's eve and i'm alone and miserable i would
make them feel bad about it, that's just plain selfish and childish of me if i do that.....



but next time i will ask....no more making assumptions.....i will ask.... holiday season is a busy time and sometimes one has the tendency to not remember who you invited already and who you didn't yet......

p.s.
i have to reiterate, i'm fine...
someone might make a big deal out of this again and
make a mountain out of a molehill.....
i don't want any of those drama anymore, please...
again, i am fine. i'm not that shallow, lol... you should
give me more credit and stop making assumptions, lol....

i love you--

yiruma...

...thank you for the river..

holidays make me crazy...

we had a 4-day long weekend (that's jan 1-4) and it's funny that i feel depressed everytime i woke up (and that's 3 times a day, lol) and i was wishing i'm at work busy doing my tasks but now that i'm actually at work i can't bring myself to start my tasks, hehe......... but i'll start at 10, lol......

geez, i swear i'll never do that again........ i mean stay home when everyone is partying....darn....i'll go crazy...... that is the problem, most of my friends have their significant others and ofcourse i can't butt in and join them, it would ruin their moments...... plus i don't have the guts to ask them to pick me up at home because, c'mon, it's a holiday, everyone is busy doing something............. but next time, i need to be somewhere, anywhere........ it doesn't have to be anything wild or extra ordinary, i just need to be around people! i am so going to canadian embassy one of these days and apply for a visa....... i won't let this happen to me again...... i'll make sure that if no one invites me for christmas or new year i'll just visit my relatives in ontario....... that's cheaper and closer than going home to the philippines........

gawd, am i so glad i pushed through with my christmas trip in california even if my flight was delayed for 5 hours and i was sick and running on dayquil and nyquil that time, atleast that's one holiday happily spent (thank you, thank you jet, the galvez and manalo family for having me)............. but my new year celebration sucks big time............ can you believe i was crying jan 31 until jan 2 (yeah, i was on crying marathon, lol) and i was at home on new year's eve until the 4th? i'm such a loser sometimes, lol......... but i did went out on jan 3.......... i went shopping in center city......... i need to go out because i feel like i'm losing my mind........... it's also a good thing a friend of mine dropped by jan 3 when i got home from center city, so that somehow made my day..........

oh i'm so glad holidays are over....... depression during holidays is evil! really evil...

'tis the season to be jolly?

i should be happy.... some people would sell everything and do anything to be able to live and work in this country..... i got here almost effortless.....



i should be happy..... i am not affected with this recession thingie (pwera usog).....



i should be happy i have a nice aparment, a nice job, friendly co-workers......



i should be happy..... i have my friends here who i consider as my 2nd family....



i should be happy.... and thankful....



but once i closed my door and i'm all alone facing the empty walls of my apartment, that's when it would hit me that my life sucks and that i'm not truly happy........ indeed, money isn't everything.......... and it's seasons like these that i become all melodramatic and the suck-ness magnifies a thousand times.......






p.s.

time for zyrtec...
i am so gonna get drunk tonight......
need to release some pent up
emotions....



p.p.s.

damn those lying, heartless, selfish people
who have been sucking my tears out
from my tearducts...... you can suck my tears
out but not my life.... and remember, karma
is a bitch....

i need your ID miss..

i was at a wine and spirits store near my place yesterday to buy some bottles to give as presents......i bought some for myself too, a champagne and japanese sake for cooking......... when i got to the counter:

old guy: i need your i.d. please.
me: *trying to hide a very wide grin while i look for my driver's license*
old guy: *looks at the driver's license then at me* wow, i thought you were just 21..
me: thank you, that's very nice of you...
old guy: wow...u really look like ur just 21
me: *lol* thanks


ahhh.... don't you just love it when people thought you were younger, i know i do, lol........


i was supposed to be on leave starting today and go somewhere out of state because a friend told me he's taking me somewhere as a present for my birthday but he just disappeared............ he doesn't return my calls or text messages and the only thing i remember was i texted him a week before to ask him if i'm seeing him that day because if not i'm going out w/ my other male friend (i need to accompany him to an asian market)........ he never returned my calls and text messages after that....... and i'm not sure if he's just mad at me or if something bad happened to him........ i hope he's just mad at me and nothing bad happened to him......... but if he's mad i hope he'll tell me why.........



so far my birthday is ok........ there was just one mean guy so far and i just sure hope he's just joking around because i don't like it when someone raises his/her voice at me.......... plus i really don't understand why some people thinks that throwing insults or being mean is a cool way of joking around.........



anyway, but so far i'm good....... i had a doctor's appointment this morning and got lucky when my fave shuttle driver found me waiting for a bus and he sang happy birthday to me on the way to the train station, that's really sweet........ i have several friends who also called to greet me personally and some other greetings thru emails, friendster, facebook, multiply and yahoo messenger-- thank you everyone, you know who you are! mwah!



i got myself a $60 amazon gift certificate from a special friend back in Manila (thanks again!)....and again thanks joy for the magic sing extra mic (we'll be using it this friday night!), alve for the moshulu gift certificate (im still looking for a date to go there, lol)



i'm in the office right now waiting for our 2pm holiday party......... yes, lots of good food-- on my birthday!

ego doesn't get you anywhere....

they say you shouldn't linger too much in the past...
it halts your growth.... you need to learn to let go.....
but i still find myself hoping for the good 'ol familiar past...

my friends said sacrifice is the best policy...
but why should i be the one to do the sacrificing?
yeah, ego sometimes doesn't get you anywhere....

but i still dream...

i still sometimes secretly wish....

that someday... someday...

i can still turn back time...

and i will see my iMac again and that the iMac is still in the market waiting for me....

p.s.
only those who have been part of that "past" will be able to decipher what i mean by this blog..

 

what? girls can't court? bummer...

lol...

i know, i know, i shouldn't complain....... that's the norm, specially in my culture............... filipinas are expected to just wait and pray hard very hard that the man she likes likes her too and that eventually he would make a move and start courting her.............. she can't do the first move or drop a hint, that would be unacceptable (but i have ways around this,  shhhh, lol)........... because if she did people might label her as flirt, walang delicadeza ........

and so we girls wait......

...... and pray.....

.... and maybe go to saint jude.....

.... or write to diaries, tee hee hee.....

...... and daydream.......

......  and daydream some more......

oh, and yeah, goodluck if the man you like is torpe or is too scared to even talk to you............ and can't even look at you straight in the eye..........

*sigh*  life.....

p.s.
yep, i made my research
no kids....smart.... stable....
single..single..single

 

i need distractions

a lot of distractions........

i need things to come to pass--fast...... the frictions in the going-ons of my life is starting to build up and i need some sort of outlet to keep my brainwaves in the right direction......

i wish it's already june 2009 or even march 2009 is fine...... i want to prove something to myself and time is my only ally.........

no one has ever fought to be with you....

i got this from a blogger i frequently stalk, lol..... hi "j" i hope you don't mind me echoing your blog.... it's just that i can so relate to this.... *big sigh*

"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."

Translation : It's not sadness nor fear that is hard with being alone but the acceptance, that out of billions and billions of people in the world, no one has ever fought to be with you.

and it doesn't help to come home to an apartment with no one to greet you but the four empty walls and it sure doesn't help either to spend your weekends alone trying so desperately to entertain yourself to drown away the feeling of emptiness.....

hayyyy.....

p.s.
i don't care if you are rolling your eyes again
because i'm being melodramatic....
hmpf!

on filter mode..always on filter mode..

all of us at some point in our lives have been hurt and betrayed...
which leads us into having trust issues....i know i do.... that is why i am always on filter mode.....
but i only have trust issues when it comes to relationship but not with friends....atleast not yet, but it looks like now i have to be careful whom to trust in my circle of friends....

yes, i'm so tired and stressed out about what's been happening since november..... i have cried. i got mad. and i don't know how many times i have screamed "leche nyo" (yes, that's the only filipino curse words i can utter)........

but at the end of the day i keep asking myself, is it worth it to use my "powers" on negative things? it won't change anything...... so i try to move on and forget until something would trigger that "emotion" again...

yes, i'm still not over it 100% so i'm afraid you "might" still see me yapping about it thru my blogs for days to come...... i just need a way to spit it out and blogging is my only source of therapy........

but when i'm done i'll make sure to leave something for you to think about....

travel factor officially hates me now..

i think......

they haven't replied to any of my emails... i have sent them a few, including follow ups on my copy of the "corporate agreement"....... they also change the password of our corporate email account so now i can't log in...... i'm still a legal partner/owner of Travel Factor until dec 31st, 2008, fyi

i am so tempted to make this blog public..... i think the public has the right to know what's going on with Travel Factor.....

 

they officially hate me because i sent them an email that contains these:

- 30,000/month salary for each 3 major shareholders is i think too much.... that's 90,000/month
- what if the income is less than 90,000 or exactly 90,000? tough luck for "minor shareholders"?
- why 30-30-30-5-5 and not 20-20-20-10-10?
- does it really have to be 30-30-30-5-5 PLUS a full time salary on top of that? can it be 30% OR full time salary?
- if major shareholders is asking for a full time salary for being full time employees, can minor shareholders get a part-time salary too? say, 5,000/month?
- can TF just hire employees? like, 3 maybe, for 15,000/month so all owners can go back to their day jobs? think of how much TF can save...
- 30% share PLUS a full time salary really sounds, I'm sorry I have to use this word, greedy to me....
- if I may ask, what exactly is the reason why you proposed to give me 5%? to shut me up? pity? consuelo de bobo? so as not to hurt my feelings? as one of the major "foundations" of travel factor a "generous" 5% is kinda insulting.....
- I have learned a lot while I was still with TF and I think i'm ready to be on my own. I am ready to let go of TF and start my own.
- with this, may I humbly request not to use the Travel Factor name anymore?
- since I named the Photoholic and i conceptualized and named the Surfvivor series, may I also humbly request not to use those names anymore?

about Liquidation process for Dec 2008:

- we are all aware that two of the partners, A & B, started really enjoying working with Travel Factor and instead of having Travel Factor to be just a part time thing for all partners (as originally planned) they decided to quit their day jobs, at their own free will.
- There is no part of the Corporation Agreement that we all signed mentioning about full time salary should anyone decided to quit their day jobs and work full time for Travel Factor.
- There is no clause in the Corporate Agreement that mentions "One or two partners have the right to demand a full time salary on a whim without written signed agreement".
- But, as a sign of goodwill, i'm proposing 20% of TF's total income as A & B's incentive for their hardwork and dedication.
- Incentive, not salary. ...If you want to declare this as salary make sure to remit your income tax accordingly or Travel Factor might get in trouble with the BIR for not remitting their employees taxes.
- I honestly think this is a fair enough set up. Both A and B are being compensated fairly for all their hardwork even if this is not part of the Corporate Agreement and at the same time all the partners will get what is legally theirs.  
- unfortunately, I have never seen the books and I was never updated on the income, So it looks like A and B have the upper hand on how honest and how much they are willing to share the correct figures.

 

other Thoughts on A and B's decision to work fulltime
(this is copy-pasted from original email that i sent them)

Don't get me wrong, ofcourse I am not against their decisions of quiting their day jobs and working full time. I don't have the right to tell them what to do or what not to do. That's their life. Same way that they can't tell us what we should do or what we shouldn't do.We all have our own freewill. It was just unfortunate that with this decision of doing full time, they realized they're losing their sense of life balance (and I am sorry to hear that) which then resulted to a decision to kick out (or demote) the unsuspecting partners.

My apologies for bringing this up again, but in my humble opinion, I sincerely believe it is not the other partners fault that A and B lost their social lives and sense of life balance because they decided to work full time (at their own free will) and having said this, this shouldn't be a ground for kicking out or demote other unsuspecting partners or to make them feel guilty about not being able to work full time like what they did.

I'm just wondering, if A and B really feel that the set up is unfair why not just resign and put up their own company? Why impose such drastic measures of "reorganizing" the company? I just thought the "reorganization" is unethical and one-sided and selfish. Just my opinion.

with these i saw some ym status that says: (i hope this isn't for me)
- pag di mo ako tinigilan mapapatay kita
- ikaw na ang bida

other issues i'm having from A & B and the new partner:
- they have changed our corporate email password even if officially i am still a partner
- partnership expires end of december 2008
- im asking for my copy of the corporate agreement (i left the philippines when SEC returned the papers to us) and they're ignoring my emails

 

on google phone

it's been 2 years..time to change!

i think ...........

 

i'm not really sold on this idea yet..... what i do know is i like having a phone that uses a sim card (sprint doesn't).......... i kinda miss those times when i was still in philippines and i can change my cellphone when there's a new nokia phone in the market and the one before that new model is already on sale...... yeah, i'm not one for upgrading to the latest cellphone model, i usually get the phones that are 1 to 2 models older than the newest model.......

so anyway, here's the thing........ while i do love my sprint network because of the free incoming plan that i have, i'm thinking of switching over to at&t or t-mobile so i could get this phone -> http://www.nokiausa.com/N96 


but i'm more leaning into getting the at&t because of the roll over minutes...... but i kinda like the t-mobile too because of the fave 5 plus they have this very cool phone from google ...... have you heard of the google g1? see that image? that's the phone........... i saw it from one of my friends and it's really cool! the o.s. is called android and it's open source and that means there are a lot of free applications that you can download and that also means you can also write your own application!  coolness! 

ok, enough, you can just read it here..............  i don't want you to think that i'm a geek (because i'm far from it),  but i'm telling you that google g1 phone really rocks....... too bad only t-mobile has it........

anyway, i dunno...... my contract with sprint doesn't expire until march..... so i still have 3 months to think about it.........

p.s.
but then again,
the price of both these cellphones
is almost the price of one
Sigma 12-24mm (wide-angle) lens...
*sigh* decisions...decisions...

pacquiao at hooters

me      : hey where are we watching the pacquiao-dela hoya match?
friend1 : i don't know, but i heard we'll just go to hooters
me      : oh, they have it there?
friend1 : yep
me      : cool
friend2 : hey people, don't forget, sheila's house, saturday, pacquiao, after practice
me      : oh really, is there free food?
friend2 : i just know im marinading something....
me      : good, forget hooters....it's sheila's house then *lol*


p.s.
and i don't care if sheila's house is 45 min away from my place.....
thank goodness for my "mababait" brothers who never gets tired of giving me a ride, lol

 

baking moment : thanksgiving hang over

i tagged along with my friends to do a volunteer stuff at a church along north broad street...... they needed help to pack food so they can distribute it to those who can't afford thanksgiving dinner............ we also helped in serving lunch for the less fortunate who were invited at that church.......

anyway........

part of the menu is baked sweet potatoes......... i was in-charge of serving cranberry sauce and buns but boy, i keep eyeing those sweet potatoes that when it's our turn to eat i didnt care about the turkey anymore and went straight to the sweet potatoes....... and i had like 3 servings, lol (takaw!)

so anyway, i was still thinking about it that i asked a co-worker how to do it and i finally did it yesterday..... i just added marshmallows with mine....

here's the recipe -->baked sweet potatoes

enjoy!

need help on camera settings

ok, yes, i admit i suck when it comes to taking photos of people......... my, eherm, photography magic power only works on taking landscape and inanimate objects  but never people..... and it doesn't help that i have unsteady hands so indoor photography is my weakest, weakest point.....

enough of the adlibs..

can someone please give me some camera settings:

1.  if i need to take pictures of people inside a room with just ambient lighting (you know those  yellow bulb thingies)
       a. if im using no external flash and using a 50mm prime lens
       b. if im using an external flash and using a 50mm prime lens
       a. if im using no external flash and using a kit lens 
       b. if im using an external flash and using a kit lens 

i just need the aperture, iso, shutterspeed and if i'll be using an external flash what should be my flash settings? argh, that's another bummer..... i am, for the life of me, a flash photography idiota..... i just noticed that when i use flash the picture gets darker...argh, i really sound pathetiec, lol.....

i'm sorry i am so clueless about portrait shots.... but will you help me? a married couple close to my heart is celebrating their 10yr wedding anniversary and they asked me a favor if i could be their designated photographer and i can't say no and i dont want to disappoint them ........

please?

updating my bday/christmas wish list

 

categorized according to price (o.c. eh, ano pa ba, hehe)


cheap: ($50 and below)

- F.R.I.E.N.D.S DVD (i already have 1-4 and 10)
- a spa gift certificate from pierre and carlo
- gift card from bath and body works
- a gift card from my fave shop, charlotte russe
- a gift card from papa johns pizza (yep, i love their pizza!)
- a gift card from carrabas or chillis or olive garden
- small paper shredder
- peach roses
- a bear from build-a-bear that looks like me, lol (vain!)
- shark vx1 cordless floor and carpet sweeper
- pyrex baking dish
- capo for acoustic guitar
- cheesecake from sayitwithcheesecake.com
- issey miyake
- or clinique happy
- some DVDs (its in my amazon wishlist )




semi expensive: ($100 and above)

- portable photo storage
- apple ipod nano 4gb silver (2nd generation not the latest)
- a coffee table..i mean this coffee table
- a technomarine watch (go to my amazon wishlist to see what i mean)
- broadway show at timesquare NY (any show)
- massaging chair cushion (5 type settings)




pricey!

- a wii and a wii fit
- nikon sb-800 flash
- wide angle lens
- new 13 or 14" notebook (dell or hp or mac, hehe)
- adobe lightroom
- or adobe CS
- roundtrip plane ticket to Rome or Amsterdam
- or utah (i am so going to utah next year)
- electric kick scooter  (amazon sell this for cheaper price)
- irobot scooba



used to be in my wishlist but i already have:

- a takamine gs330S guitar     <--- bought one for myself  

- a nice dinner at moshulu or anywhere nice....if i need to wear some fancy dress then much better! lol ..p.s. i want to dine in at some authentic italian restaurant (yep! i love anything italian!)     <--- thanks to alve! mwah! now i need a date (eherm, friendship n. e.? can you hear me? lol)...

- san francisco  <--- already have the tickets (san francisco and l.a.)